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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Over wedding invite

139 replies

upsideup · 16/06/2018 17:43

We have received an invite for a family friends wedding, addressed to me DH, 11 year old dd and 4 year old ds, DD(3) and DS(8) are not invited.

I would understand just inviting the oldest or oldest two but it seems strange to just invite DC1 and DC3. The only reason I can think for why 4 year old is invited and not 8 year old is because her stepson is 4 so DS2 is only invited to play with him, though obviously I dont know the reason.
If it was no under 10s I could use that to explain to DS1 why he couldnt come but I don't know how I'm going to explain why his little brother and older sister can but not him. The family friend is equally close to all children so thats not the reason, if anything closer to the older ones because shes known them longer.

AIBU to think its weird and a bit mean to pick and choose randomly which children you are going to invite?

OP posts:

DragonMummy1418 · 16/06/2018 18:48

And yes it is weird but I can't imagine it's done on purpose. That would be too crazy surely?

kateandme · 16/06/2018 18:49

do you know anyone else going you could mention it to.they might have some answers?

kateandme · 16/06/2018 18:50

yes agree with pp just be honest and come out with the question.you don't need to be aggressive to question something

Iloveacurry · 16/06/2018 18:51

I would ask. You’re not being rude in asking. She’s being rude to invite 2 out of your 4 children.

Original poster

upsideup · 16/06/2018 18:52

I've messaged my brother(family friend through him) to ask if he knows if its correct.

OP posts:

LighthouseSouth · 16/06/2018 18:56

What DragonMummy said.

Starlight345 · 16/06/2018 18:58

What odd behaviour.

Piffle11 · 16/06/2018 19:02

I second you asking for clarification. I also agree with others that your 4 year old is clearly meant as entertainment for their DC, and your 11 year old is the babysitter. You don't get to cherry pick the DC in order to suit your needs - I really think it needs to be all or none. I wouldn't take any of my DC tbh, as chances are that even if you only take DD she may end up with the couple's 4 year old. Not her responsibility.

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 19:05

Always assume cock up rather than conspiracy.

Ask.

whiteroseredrose · 16/06/2018 19:07

If you can arrange childcare I'd be tempted to just go as a couple. I certainly wouldn't take just two. All or nothing!

ApolloandDaphne · 16/06/2018 19:10

That's just bonkers. Surely it is a mistake.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 16/06/2018 19:14

Ask politely why. Don't take offence at the answer. If everyone can't come because it wasn't an oversight then you have two options. Either go to the wedding with just your husband. Or decline and send a thoughtful gift. Everyone can move on.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 16/06/2018 19:17

I'd have to ask, it is weird! I hope your brother can shed some light!

Buxtonstill · 16/06/2018 19:17

Just ask politely, then you can decide whether or not to go.

Branleuse · 16/06/2018 19:19

Id message her and say "can I just clarify that youre only inviting two of the four children?

Is there any way you could go without children?

bluebeck · 16/06/2018 19:20

If it is correct (and it probably is) then I would not attend at all as it is really weird and quite off.

DrCorday · 16/06/2018 19:23

Why message your brother?

Just call or text the family friend who has invited you to check what is correct.

LML83 · 16/06/2018 19:29

I would guess some sort of communication error and the names have been mixed up. My SIL has lovely handwriting and is often asked to write wedding invites, perhaps they have asked someone and that's how the mix up happened?
I would ask them, if they did mean it there's no need to be confrontational just say it's ok. Then RSVP no kids, one kid or not at all.

BrieAndChilli · 16/06/2018 19:31

Are they all your children? None are step?? I’m just wondering if that was the case and they have only invited your ‘real’ children. Not that it makes it right, I just can’t see any other reasoning.
I’d definitely either take none of the children or only take your eldest and make damn sure she doesn’t end up babysitting. I wouldn’t take the 4 year old as ‘company’ unless all the other children were invited.

TidyDancer · 16/06/2018 19:33

If they have really only invited two of the DCs that is so rude and not okay. I would definitely want clarification though, it's so bizarre I can't believe anyone would think it is acceptable!

Twickerhun · 16/06/2018 19:37

Who would do that deliberately? Are they known for odd behaviour?

Original poster

upsideup · 16/06/2018 19:39

All 4 are mine and DH's bio children. DSD is 22 and wont be invited but they dont get on.
I was asking my brother first as she is his friend obviously if he doesnt know then I will ask her.

OP posts:

sockunicorn · 16/06/2018 19:51

Only thing I can think is that they meant to invite the older 2 DCs but got your 4 and 8 year old DS's names muddled up maybe?

However if this was a genuine thing I would not be going and be asking them why they've picked between your children and what the 2 did that was so special as to "qualify"

MadMags · 16/06/2018 19:54

This is so weird!

StillNoClue · 16/06/2018 19:55

If you want to check it's right, text them back 'me and dp got the invite, but dp threw it out accidentally. Which of the kids did you invite again? Can't remember is it was dc1 and 3 or dc1 and 2.'
When she replies you'll have your answer :)

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