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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Over wedding invite

139 replies

upsideup · 16/06/2018 17:43

We have received an invite for a family friends wedding, addressed to me DH, 11 year old dd and 4 year old ds, DD(3) and DS(8) are not invited.

I would understand just inviting the oldest or oldest two but it seems strange to just invite DC1 and DC3. The only reason I can think for why 4 year old is invited and not 8 year old is because her stepson is 4 so DS2 is only invited to play with him, though obviously I dont know the reason.
If it was no under 10s I could use that to explain to DS1 why he couldnt come but I don't know how I'm going to explain why his little brother and older sister can but not him. The family friend is equally close to all children so thats not the reason, if anything closer to the older ones because shes known them longer.

AIBU to think its weird and a bit mean to pick and choose randomly which children you are going to invite?

OP posts:

AveABanana · 16/06/2018 18:11

Gently I remember that - wasn't she told to chose her favourite two children to bring

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 16/06/2018 18:12

I am massively laidback about weddings but I would just decline that one. Weird, inconvenient and not a decision I would want to support.

soundsystem · 16/06/2018 18:20

It's got to be a mistake, surely? Otherwise it's just too weird!

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/06/2018 18:24

You need to ask. Or at the very least decline stating your reason that you cannot take your 11 yo and 4 yo to the wedding and leave an 8 yo and 3 yo out.

Jux · 16/06/2018 18:24

Well I would only take the older one and leave the 4 yo at home with the other 2 anyway.

If they desperately want your 4 yo just to amuse theirs, they're out of luck ("no, sorry, we think he'll have more fun at home with his other siblings").

Much better for you to only have to keep an eye on your oldest, unless you think she'll be bored too, inwhich case you leave her at home too and have the whole time as adult time. I'd be tempted by that too.

Just because some children are invited doesn't mean they have to go. It's not a summons.

legolimb · 16/06/2018 18:24

Very strange.

Maybe they just made a mistake on the invitation?

Only one way to find out.

Original poster

upsideup · 16/06/2018 18:25

I guess it could be a mistake but I do think they know our kids names, although we are not that close we end up seeing each other quite regualry and all the kids get birthday and christmas presents from them. I'm not really sure how to ask them without implying that if its correct that I think they're doing something wrong.

OP posts:

LuMarie · 16/06/2018 18:25

Oh, that is a bit weird.

I understand not inviting children at all/only children over a certain age/exceptions for things like godchildren or children very close to...

Even not inviting your own to your own wedding because seriously, anything for a day off

... but this without explanation is weird.

If I was doing something odd like this, I would talk to you and explain first, with a polite asking you, is this ok?

Guest lists are trouble, we all know this, but can be handled politely!

I don't actually know what I'd do here! I can't quite figure out what's going on!

I guess if you really want to go to the wedding, ask. Maybe in terms of "4 year old too, are you sure? Since 8 and 3 aren't included I figured it was no kids wedding".

At least that way you know if it's a mistake!

Then up to you if you go!

PositivelyPERF · 16/06/2018 18:26

her stepson is 4 so DS2 is only invited to play with him

She’s planning on you looking after her four year old.

Whocansay · 16/06/2018 18:27

Just decline. They are weird. It's a strange thing for them to do and I think it's quite rude. No kids is fine, but you don't pick and choose the ones you like!

huha · 16/06/2018 18:27

Ask. Just send a message clarifying that DC 1 and DC 3 are both invited and DC 2 and 4 aren't. See what the response is. If they have in fact left the two kids out I would politely decline (who does that??)

FatCow2018 · 16/06/2018 18:28

How odd! I'm another who would just decline the invite.

ApproachingATunnel · 16/06/2018 18:30

This is very weird, i assumed she perhaps didn’t know you have 2 more dc but then saw she is a pretty close friend.
I would not be going, ‘seeing that my 2 dc are not invited none of us will be coming’.
Unless this is some kind of misunderstanding i would be re-evaluating our friendship, treating your 2 like that is not on.

squiggleirl · 16/06/2018 18:32

I'd be thinking they probably wanted your 4 year old there for company, and your 11 year old to keep an eye on them both.

Even though DS1 is older, people always seem to think DD should be the one to keep younger children occupied, particularly when DS2 is there, as she's seen as being used to dealing with that age group.

I'd be wondering if the 2 children were invited purely to help keep their DS busy, and allow everybody else have 'a night off'. Very unfair on all your kids.

Maelstrop · 16/06/2018 18:33

Ask her. That’s a bit weird!

Rainbunny · 16/06/2018 18:34

That has to be a mistake! It would be perfectly reasonable to contact the wedding couple to ask about it, it's just too bizarre to be deliberate!

troodiedoo · 16/06/2018 18:35

They are doing something wrong though OP, please call them out on it.

You could say in a passive aggressivejokey way "haha, you forgot to put x and y on the invitation! Are they not invited then lol"

OliviaStabler · 16/06/2018 18:35

Could it possibly be a mistake? I couldn't understand another explanation other than that. I know some wedding invites where children under a certain age were not invited, but that is clearly not the case here.

I'd contact them and say "Thanks for the invite but we notice DD(3) and DS(8) appear not to be invited. Can I check if this is an accidental oversight? Thanks".

Jux · 16/06/2018 18:35

I accept but only on behalf of me and dh, I'd decline on behalf of the children. They clearly have something specific in mind for the two children, so unless they come out with it and actually discuss it with you they are being very rude. So I'd go to the wedding sans kids and see what happens....

MsJolly · 16/06/2018 18:40

Just ask if you can clarify the situation and did they mean to invite X&Y but not A&B

Original poster

upsideup · 16/06/2018 18:42

If it is the case either none of us will go or just we will just go with dd1 as shes the only child who would enjoy it and not require any of our attention or mess around. The younger kids also wouldnt feel left out if it was just dd1 going.

OP posts:

kateandme · 16/06/2018 18:43

if this isn't a mistake then its UR to ask of a parent to take two dc of varying ages and not the other.there is no sense to it.

kateandme · 16/06/2018 18:46

id still be itching to know why though op?

hamandpease · 16/06/2018 18:46

Any way they've mixed up the names any meant to invite your DC 1&2?

DragonMummy1418 · 16/06/2018 18:48

Hi friend,
I just wanted to double check with you about weather all 4 of our kids are invited to your wedding as you've only put two of their names on the invite.

Simple

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