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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Over wedding invite

139 replies

upsideup · 16/06/2018 17:43

We have received an invite for a family friends wedding, addressed to me DH, 11 year old dd and 4 year old ds, DD(3) and DS(8) are not invited.

I would understand just inviting the oldest or oldest two but it seems strange to just invite DC1 and DC3. The only reason I can think for why 4 year old is invited and not 8 year old is because her stepson is 4 so DS2 is only invited to play with him, though obviously I dont know the reason.
If it was no under 10s I could use that to explain to DS1 why he couldnt come but I don't know how I'm going to explain why his little brother and older sister can but not him. The family friend is equally close to all children so thats not the reason, if anything closer to the older ones because shes known them longer.

AIBU to think its weird and a bit mean to pick and choose randomly which children you are going to invite?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 16/06/2018 19:58

I’m not sure how many of my friends knew my guest list. You don’t want him saying something the wrong way and making it something that it’s not. I’d be asking myself.

addictedtogardening · 16/06/2018 19:58

I would ask.... it could be that it is 10 & over but they made an exception for your 4 year old if they get on well with their child?

addictedtogardening · 16/06/2018 19:59

Either way though it should have been explained as it is odd

NotTakenUsername · 16/06/2018 20:05

Oooooh, StillNoClue, I like it!

HyacinthsBucket70 · 16/06/2018 20:05

I'd politely decline. That's just weird Hmm

VerbenaGirl · 16/06/2018 20:08

How very odd! You need to ask her about this... If only to find out what it’s all about. Surely it is a mistake though...

cowfacemonkey · 16/06/2018 20:09

How odd, I would probably decline altogether or go without any of the children

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 16/06/2018 20:09

I received an invitation to just me, no DH. I didn't expect my children on it. Tbf the bride doesnt know DH but I just thought that was the done thing, I sent all plus ones and those without plus guest. Anyway, I wasn't planning on taking DH as he wouldn't know anyone etc so it didnt matter but I just text and said 'can I check its just me and not DH' she confirmed and that was that.

I think it's reasonable to just ask and then if correct just say we'll come with 11yr old, thanks.

GetInMaBelleh · 16/06/2018 20:15

How bizzare...

Petalflowers · 16/06/2018 20:31

How strange. You either invite all,the children or none..

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 16/06/2018 20:34

I had a similarly bizarre invitation to my cousin's 30th birthday party. He invited me but not my sister. He gets on with us both equally. We grew up together - his family lived in our house for 2 years.

Of course, I thought it was an error and so I emailed to clarify. He did not get back to me so I eventually declined the invitation. I saw him a year or two later at another event and he said something about having to watch numbers.

I thought it was pretty mean. However, his wife who is actually very nice, does have some odd ideas. The rest of my family - other cousins thought it odd. My cousin is a bit of wet blanket sometimes too.

Lizzie48 · 17/06/2018 10:30

I'd be thinking they probably wanted your 4 year old there for company, and your 11 year old to keep an eye on them both.

This is quite likely, I think. Although maybe they really did forget how many children you have. You should check. If they really did intend to just invite 2 of your DC, I'd probably decline the invitation.

Ninabean17 · 17/06/2018 10:48

If the invite is correct, I probably wouldn't go. It's confuse/potentially upset the other children, and it sound like they're after a babysitter..

frasier · 17/06/2018 10:51

“I'm not really sure how to ask them without implying that if its correct that I think they're doing something wrong.”

They are doing something wrong!

elQuintoConyo · 17/06/2018 11:14

Contact the bride or groom directly, why be coy?

'The invitation includes children A+C, but not B+D. Is that correct?'

Decide what you want to do beforehand. Do you and DH want to go alone? Do you want to take your 11yo? Do you want to decline all together? Will it depend on your friend's answer?

Weddings as a guest cost a fuckton of money and i have declined a few for that reason alone.

DragonMummy1418 · 17/06/2018 11:26

Has your brother replied OP?

Ginger1982 · 17/06/2018 11:34

How odd!

Original poster
upsideup · 17/06/2018 11:52

It is correct, they have stuck to a no under 10's rule for other invites but because stepson has to come they thought it would be nice he had someone his own age, maybe more of he wanted someone to come and picked my DS2.
Anyway if we do choose to go we definately won't bring DS2, he would be very bored.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 17/06/2018 11:58

Okaaay. Well that’s not ok anyway. If you go, I’d go as a couple. Your 11 yo dd will may be bored as well if there isn’t anyone there of a similar age.

BertrandRussell · 17/06/2018 12:00

Hmm. A covering letter would have made this OK. How odd that they didn’t do that.

Daddystepdaddy · 17/06/2018 12:09

Another bride and groom being a bit selfish and thoughtless. They obviously can't understand that inviting some of your kids but not all is, at the very least, going to cause you a childcare issue if not potential arguments or hurt feelings.

Why do some people make it so hard by enforcing random rules that go against etiquette and convention? I think people have really forgotten how to be gracious hosts.

Strawberry2017 · 17/06/2018 12:13

That's so random! You would think they would just have kids if there own will be there. Make it much easier!

sexnotgender · 17/06/2018 12:16

By ‘someone his own age to play with’ they really mean someone we can palm him off onto.

Ginger1982 · 17/06/2018 12:20

*They thought it would be nice to have someone his own age.
*
And, as PP pointed out, you end up getting to look after them both. I would just go as a couple.

SuperSuperSuper · 17/06/2018 12:22

In general, I understand the "no under 10s" rule if it's a kind of formal, smart wedding (although I think it's pretty hard when a couple have children aged 12, 11 and 9, say).

I appreciate why your DS was invited but they should have put in a covering note, explaining that he's the stepson's "guest".

I also envisage your sensible-sounding 11yo playing unpaid childminder all night, but maybe I'm cynical.