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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to work?

136 replies

hamandcheeserolls · 16/06/2018 15:37

OK, this might seem a goady title but genuinely what can you do.

One of my children is disabled, get regular phone calls from school to pick him up, he's overwhelmed.

One is 2.

I have no partner and no family at all.

I genuinely struggle to see how I can work in this setup?

OP posts:
BorchesterTowers · 17/06/2018 06:11

And as usual, no mention of the father who has just buggered off and left the woman saddled with everything, including the prejudice and abuse

Indeed.

If I ruled the world —cue Harry Secombe— this is why I’d tax all men an extra 1% in tax. To cover the way some of them skip off from their responsibilities. In the hope that peer pressure from the good
men would mean that men who dump their responsibilities would be shunned.

Original poster
hamandcheeserolls · 17/06/2018 09:37

I don't think finding the kids dad would do anything. This hasn't been a very supportive thread but no matter.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 17/06/2018 09:42

You sound incredibly defeated and down trodden yet the battle hasn't even started. You need a plan of action; you need to start taking small achievable steps and making plans. Doing research on entitledto and other websites; particularly charities that support families with this type of thing.

Original poster
hamandcheeserolls · 17/06/2018 09:53

Vlad, with respect, I'm NOT asking for benefit advice.

I was asking about WORKING.

OP posts:
Original poster
hamandcheeserolls · 17/06/2018 09:54

And let's see how upbeat and happy you'd be feeling after reading such horrible comments about you and your children, wouldn't you feel a bit defeated too?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 17/06/2018 09:57

But you don't HAVE to work! You will get enough benefits to live on.

Butterflykissess · 17/06/2018 10:02

exactly BMW. not sure what the point of this thread was? you say you dont want to work but also dont want benefits advice? you dont have to work. you will get enough, i do and thats without the tax credits for my youngest as she doesnt quailfy. (yeh its bloody hard but we get by.)

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 17/06/2018 10:07

this is why I’d tax all men an extra 1% in tax. To cover the way some of them skip off from their responsibilities

Yes, a lovely fair policy Hmm given that a) not all men are parents, b) many pay child support and c) there are millions of woman who don't work and pay for their children either.

Little point to the whole thread anyway, the OP doesn't want to work and isn't listening to any advice anyway.

SoapOnARoap · 17/06/2018 10:11

this is why I’d tax all men an extra 1% in tax. To cover the way some of them skip off from their responsibilities

FFS Biscuit

ilovesooty · 17/06/2018 10:17

I suspect the OP has phrased her thread title clumsily and would like to be able to work if someone could give her some ideas on how that might be at all possible. Apologies to her if I'm wrong.

Original poster
hamandcheeserolls · 17/06/2018 10:19

I feel like the thread has gone like this:

One group of posters:

"What are you complaining about? Have a small amount in benefits, that keeps you alive, stop moaning."

Second group:

"All the father's responsibility."

Third group:

"Get a job, you lazy mare."

Fourth group:

"Go to special needs."

OP posts:
BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 17/06/2018 10:33

How else did you expect it to go OP?

You quite clearly said you didn't want to work therefore taking no responsibility in providing for your children, neither does your ex so expect you wanted people to agree of course that's fine to opt out of working and providing.

Babyroobs · 17/06/2018 10:46

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and shouldn't feel guilty for not working and claiming carers allowance etc. In these situations it's the absent patents that really get me cross. I mean your youngest is 2 so he must have walked fairly recently
Get every penny of maintainance out of him that you can. The number of threads where lone parents have very young kids us shocking. Can these (usually) men just not cope or what ?

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 17/06/2018 10:50

I was in a similar situation OP. I was working full time as a lone parent (minimum wage) with 2 children and finding it hard. I left and went on income support and found out I was no worse off for not working. I have four children now and a partner but I don't think I would be able to work part time until the children are older.
I claim DLA and carers allowance for my second child and my partner works full time. But even as a single parent I was managing to get by on what I had.

Original poster
hamandcheeserolls · 17/06/2018 10:52

not quite boxsets but I suppose we all try and see what we want to see don't we

OP posts:
Squeezycheeky · 17/06/2018 10:55

I feel the same and I am with my partner. YANBU. I desperately don’t want to leave my job and I feel like a recluse when I’m not working. But we’d be financially better off if I left my job 😩

BlackandWhitePostcards · 17/06/2018 10:59

Sorry ham I haven’t read the full thread but was thinking, what about something like child minding? As you can be flexible and be able to travel to pick your son up from school if you need to/fit it around your 2 year old etc. Are there any skills you have that you could use for example tutoring or teaching a sport/activity/hobby? Say forest or beach school, art club etc?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 17/06/2018 11:00

I think self employed cleaner might be your only option. You can do a house while 2yo in nursery. If older dc is ill you can cancel/rearrange. Cleaning pays better than people think. Yanbu for feeling it's hard though Flowers

BlackandWhitePostcards · 17/06/2018 11:02

PS I also meant to say, if you don’t feel that you can work at the moment then don’t feel bad about it. You have a lot on your plate. People saying that you shouldn’t rely on benefits - this is exactly what the benefit system is for, as a back up for people who are unable to work for whatever reason, and I think that having a disabled child and 2 year old would count as a reason. It’s not like you’re saying you’ll never work again.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2018 11:08

hamandcheeserolls yanbu to think you can't work atm. You need to walk into a job that pays enough to cover nursery yet is flexible enough to accommodate you're older child.

When my child is in full time reception I'll look for a job, until then I can't work unless I work evening shifts and that leaves me with no time to sleep as Ds doesn't consistently asleep through so right now I don't want to work under those circumstances and we'll manage until I can, and I'm not even having to do it all alone like you are

SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2018 11:10

You can do a house while 2yo in nursery
So once you take away the cost of nursery from what she'd earn as a cleaner, given that she'll need to be in nursery longer than op is working for, how much is she actually going to get to pay the bills? And she'll possibly need to get 2 yo into a nursery in advance so she knows she has a set day she can work, where is that money coming from?

SweetSummerchild · 17/06/2018 11:11

*I'm NOT asking for benefit advice.

I was asking about WORKING.*

OP, I hear what you are saying.

My situation is similar, but then different. I am the one with the disability. Finding someone to employ me whilst not just abandoning the kids would be damn near impossible.

This thread is full of smug self-satisfied “I would never be in this situation because I am so wonderful and have made such spectacular life-choices”. Sadly, I was once one of those people.

Luckily, life and health f*cked up my life plans spectacularly, but I am a better person (and happier) for it.

Do what you have to do to look after yourself and your family. That may indeed involve a period of not working.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 17/06/2018 11:14

You’re never going to get anywhere when you’re determined to be defeatist.

Your 2 year old will be entitled to 15 hours free childcare. Take those hours and use them to improve your lot. Train or volunteer.

You’ve ignored a lot of good advice. Keep on and it will stop. Don’t look to blame others though, there’s only so much folks will take before they decide your whining isn’t worth their time.

Sincerely,

IncyWincy

(Single parent to three disabled children, possessor of one part-time job, volunteer, and all round fucking knackered person)

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 17/06/2018 11:29

sleeping was thinking of the free nursery hours. A friend in a similar situation does it. I don't think it's a ridiculous suggestion.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2018 11:36

I want thinking of free school hours so I see your logic.

The trap is if op gets carers for her oldest, then she needs to earn under the threshold or enough to not matter if she loses it. At the same time she'll lose a proportionate amount in tax credits. You add in extra petrol / bus fares and it can feel like you'll actually be no better off.

I could look for a cleaning job in the two hour gap between drop off and pick up, but anything further than 15 minutes from school and I'd have even less than those 2 hours. It's easy to feel it's just unworkable and will leave you no better off financially