To not want to work?

[hamandcheeserolls]

OK, this might seem a goady title but genuinely what can you do.

One of my children is disabled, get regular phone calls from school to pick him up, he's overwhelmed.

One is 2.

I have no partner and no family at all.

I genuinely struggle to see how I can work in this setup?

I am not sure it's for me to be honest - don't have many qualifications. Anyway, the point is that whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation this is what the situation is now.

What did you do before DC @hamandcheeserolls? What was your plan to support yourself before you became a single parent to 3 DC?

Are you pursuing a formal diagnosis of whatever the disability is that affects your son, which would presumably enable you to claim a wider range of benefits? If you got the the point where you were able to live comfortably enough of what you were claiming, this might give you breathing space to think more long term. But if no diagnosis is forthcoming, that seems unlikely? Is there a reason you don't want to say more about the nature of the disability?

Being the parent of a sn child is not conducive with holding a job down imo
My sisters boy is in a special school due to severe autism
The bus service has been withdrawn due to cuts there’s no breakfast or after school club and the school want him collected in 30 mins if he’s wet/ soiled/ in meltdown/ vomited
Etc etc. Any or all of those can happen several times in s typical week
No employer would stand for that

She’s a single parent - if he’s in meltdown only she can calm him down ( eventually)
So she lives on benefits although she’d love a job it’s just not possible

Very different from ‘just not wanting to work’

Being the parent of a sn child is not conducive with holding a job down imo

Massive generalisation based on one piece of anecdota. There are pp on this very thread whose stories attest to the opposite.

Personally, I think you are exactly the kind of person who the benefits system should be helping!

In the longer term though - the father should be contributing. Can you pursue that with CSA?

Your child needs to be more supported at school, hopefully the problems with attainment will improve as they get older, or look at alternative schools who are better equipped to meet their needs.

I think you can and should work, but if you need short term help via benefits then that is absolutely understandable.

Then don't get a job, but don't complain when the benefits aren't enough. To be honest I will never understand people like you who will happily have multiple DC, have no inclination to want to work, and just expect the state to support them.

Maybe you could get some qualifications.

Jobs do exist that would suit. Friend, also a single parent, works 10.00 - 2.00 in a Building Society. Free nursery hours, fits in with school runs and no specific skills needed. There must be others.

How will a job 10-2 help if she is called into school. How about holiday care ?

Reading between the lines . Are you going through assessment process ? If so things may improve with a treatment plan and support from the school

jobs do exist that would suit yes they do but they are few and far between. What is OP going to do during school holidays? 6 weeks holiday coming up? It’s almost impossible to find childcare for a child with sn’s, you can’t just put them into holiday club, they need special care, maybe 1:1 care, this costs money (more than op would earn). I am lucky that my part time job is during school hours and the evening, my ex will look after the kids for a few hours one evening a week so I can work but OP hasn’t got this or family to help?

I don’t think some people understand what goes into having a child with sn’s, there hospital appointments, meetings with school, filling in endless forms, sleepless nights, calls from school to collect the child at random times, phone calls to chase things up, medication to pick up and chase up, physio and home therapy, it’s exhausting dealing with all this alone and having to work.

OP, if your dc gets higher rate DLA you should be able to afford not to work, you should get income support, carers allowance and extra tax credits for having a disabled child. If living in rented accommodation you will get housing benefit. You won’t be well off but you should be able to cope.

I would say now is the right time to crack on with diagnosis and put in dla forms at the same time. Once they are dealt with and everything goes your way you can claim carers allowance and for extra help with gas, electric, water, housing, council tax etc.

Use your time that's available to cement your future.....

To be honest I will never understand people like you who will happily have multiple DC, have no inclination to want to work, and just expect the state to support them

Neither do I. It should be shameful to not support children you chose to have but many just see it as their right to have their wants funded at no cost or effort to themselves. The cycle continues as the chidren grow up with no work ethic.

you should be able to afford not to work

This maybe true now but what about the future?

OP you need to think long term - look at access courses, usually free to those on benifits, look into volunteering in schools or food banks, libraries etc

If you're young the job centre may be able to point you in the right direction of a few charities

But don't rely on what you have now remaining the same

Some people have no bloody idea. I’m sure OP does want to work, having a disabled child and being a single parent is bloody lonely plus the stigma of not working, I hated not working, hated people judging me for not having a job but when the school keeps calling you and you have 5 appointments each month no one wants to employ you. I love the fact I now have a job and I have a chance to work on my future, I would love to work more but no one wants to look after my dd2, no holiday clubs that will take her and she’s too old for child minders.

OP, get the DLA forms sorted, see if you can get carers allowance and keep an eye out for a part time job, you can earn £120 a week and still get carers allowance. You could look at being self employed (I am), that way you can chose what hours you work and turn down work on days your dc has appointments.

And Green is right, look at courses, some are free, some have a small fee, I’m doing a few at the moment to improve my options when dc’s are older.

Love music. DC's school had an associated kids club. School hours in the school hols except for two weeks at the end of August. That's just one job off the top of my head. Actually another friend used to work school friendly hours at John Lewis and I was a part time TA when my DC we're younger. I did the initial qualification in 1 day per week then worked 4 mornings. Better than nothing.

@DeathlyPail did you actually bother to read the OP? You know, the bit about her having a child with a disability and the school constantly calling her to come and pick him up?

Most employers are going to get fed up with that pretty quickly.

You CAN work, though. It's not impossible at all. You need to get past that way of thinking and start looking at other pathways.

I was in a similar situation to you, as said previously.

You NEED to tell the school that enough is enough. Unless it is an absolute emergency (i.e. your child is in danger to himself or others and the school has exhausted EVERY option to remedy things themselves) then you will not be collecting your child until hometime. Start making yourself busy during the day. I bet that they're calling you so often because they know you are so readily available.

Why on earth have you not applied for DLA already if your child's needs are so significantly affecting him at school? If you get the school to write up a short report then that will be considered a very valuable piece of evidence by DWP. You do not need to await diagnosis. The waiting time for first applications just now are about 3 weeks. My child was awarded HRC and LRM before diagnosed.
It is based on NEED not diagnosis. E.g. someone with Down's Syndrome may be functioning just fine in life and requires little to no additional support despite a diagnosis. Someone else without a diagnosis may require a shit load of support and therefore more likely to be awarded DLA.

Can you study just now while you're at home, improving your options for work later on when the youngest is at school? Have you looked at the Open University website or checked if your local uni does distance learning modules? These may require you to attend in-person lectures maybe just once or twice a year.

You'll get lots of your nursery bill paid by WTC if you take on a job over 16 hours. It's difficult nowadays to find something with a set shift pattern i.e. Mon to Fri 9am to 3pm. Most things require you to be 'flexible'. Enhancing your skill set through volunteering and studying should make you more attractive to potential employers for the regular hours jobs. I really struggled to find something that didn't need me to be flexible or have a driver's licence (didn't learn to drive until last year). That's why I started to do some self-employed work. Ironing and cleaning. I would take my little one with me. Zero start up costs. And I just spent a day on the business gateway website to get my head round keeping books for the business etc. If you get FIRM with the school in regards to your eldest, would self-employed work (taking your youngest with you if nursery placement is problematic) be achievable for you? Or taking in ironing? I know it's a cliche, but I was able to come of IS after four months of starting up cleaning and ironing.

Acquiring paid work when you are a lone parent and have a disabled child IS POSSIBLE. It's just much harder than if you had family support and a child who can attend ordinary childcare options. You just need to think outside the box as to how to jump around all of your obstacles to find a job that fits in to your life.

I know it's hard to access support groups when you are a lone parent (why the hell are they always at night time and for adults only). Can you look at joining a forum or the SEN boards on here for some virtual support? It really will make so much difference having a safe place to rant and feel listened to.

In regards to holiday child care, enquire with your local council about playschemes or any local charities that offer holiday clubs. My child used to go to a charity-ran holiday club for disabled children for a few days in the summer when I was at uni (mainly for me to get a break!) at an extremely low price (i think £5 a full day). I would never have even heard of it had I not posted on my local area's facebook page about recommendations for childcare. It doesn't always need to be super expensive. Obviously it depends on your area, though, as to what's available.

I understand you may not want to give much detail, and believe me I understand that getting help for a disabled child is a grueling process, but just keep pressing forward. Focus for now on getting DS1's needs met, then you can focus on what you can do to improve your prospects. Like I said, free courses that you can do online in the evenings might be ideal. Or you can find heavily discounted courses on groupon. Don't stress too much right now about what you can't change. Work on what you can. And your son's school situation is the first thing.

I really feel for you, I think it would be incredibly difficult to hold down a job if you are called frequently for pickup for your oldest and your little one is still so tiny. And children need their mummy when they're not well. So hard. I hope you find a way to make it all work for you. Shame we can't clone ourselves!

To be honest I will never understand people like you who will happily have multiple DC, have no inclination to want to work, and just expect the state to support them

Nasty.

You NEED to tell the school that enough is enough. Unless it is an absolute emergency (i.e. your child is in danger to himself or others and the school has exhausted EVERY option to remedy things themselves) then you will not be collecting your child until hometime. Start making yourself busy during the day. I bet that they're calling you so often because they know you are so readily available.

We don't know if the school is taking care of him adequately. I'd suspect they're not. Often school staff try to fob off parents whose children need extra support, because it's money from the budget that they don't want to spend. I've been in the OPs shoes and it's impossible to refuse to collect your disabled child when you know they are distressed.

Nasty

And as usual, no mention of the father who has just buggered off and left the woman saddled with everything, including the prejudice and abuse...

You only get one life and life has handed you a difficult hand. Don't spread yourself thin to appease mn's two bit feminists and ukip benefit bashers. I hope you find a way to do the best for you and yours.

We don't know if the school is taking care of him adequately. I'd suspect they're not. Often school staff try to fob off parents whose children need extra support, because it's money from the budget that they don't want to spend. I've been in the OPs shoes and it's impossible to refuse to collect your disabled child when you know they are distressed.

I've also been in Op's shoes.

The phone calls won't stop and the school will not put in additional support from their own resources while they know OP is so readily available.

Instead, I stopped taking their calls. I warned them before this that this is what I'd be doing. They were only allowed to contact me in an emergency. They still called multiple times a day. I never once answered. I listened to their voicemail. If it was urgent, I called back and gave them advice over the phone. I made it clear i was an hour away from school (even on days I was at home!) and could not get there before home time. I also gave them my email address, and I had to remind THEM on daily basis to use that as the main method of contact and not phone.

Eventually, they stopped calling everyday and then found a learning assistant from another part of the school to spend 6 hours 1:1 time with my child. Likely, they all thought I was a horrendous, neglectful mother BUT i knew i had to make a stand or nothing would change. As long as mum is there to save the day, the school will not provide additional support.