To not want to work?

[hamandcheeserolls]

OK, this might seem a goady title but genuinely what can you do.

One of my children is disabled, get regular phone calls from school to pick him up, he's overwhelmed.

One is 2.

I have no partner and no family at all.

I genuinely struggle to see how I can work in this setup?

I don't know Vlad.

It just feels like a catch 22. I can't work, I can't not work.

Are you getting all the benefits you’re entitled to? DLA, carers allowance, tax credits, child benefit. You might qualify for housing benefit, free prescriptions etc. In our area you’d also get half price swimming and other leisure activities, and don’t have to pay fines on overdue library books.
I’m in a similar situation as both dds have emotional and behavioural problems, which require a huge number of appointments and meetings, and endless calls to fetch them from school before youngest was permanently excluded a few months ago.

To other posters asking about the father - it is not always as easy as 'asking him to provide'. Usually absent fathers are totally awol. And the child maintenance people can't find him on just a name. I tried to go through CSA about five years ago for my child and they wanted lots of information about him I just couldn't give such as his address and his most recent job and his national insurance number.

This. most absent parents dont want to pay for their children. so will do anything to avoid it. after years ive fonally managed to get maintenance from my ex. £13 a fortnight for 4 children what exactly does that help with?

I think your thread title is misleading. You can claim DLA for your child and Carers Allowance for yourself and all of the top up benefits that go with that, including housing costs, benefit cap exemption and an extra bedroom for the bedroom tax. This is how you support yourself financially.

Meanwhile you try to get a support structure in place from Children's Services and school for your child and then decide your future employment plans.

Any maintenance that you may receive from children's father does not affect these benefits. It can be difficult to find a job which allows you the flexibility to care for a disabled child, despite family friendly working policies.

I have been in a similar situation to you. The first thing I did was sort out a better school for my child that met her needs, we were constantly getting phone calls and she was eventually on a reduced timetable.
Once the school was sorted and she was happy I started to see everything in a completely different light. My confidence grew and my anxiety improved.

To cut a long story short I ended up working at her school but in a different section, so I'm able to drop her off and pick her up. It's all worked out really well and I love my job so much and can't imagine doing anything else now.

Would this be something you could consider? I know you have a smaller child but nursery hours fit in around school hours and you'd probably be entitled to some help towards the fees.

I cannot tell you how much our situation has improved, working has saved me. I'm around other adults, feel valued and I'm just generally a happier person!

Also agree with other posters, are you claiming dla and carers allowance?

Sure you can get DLA once your child is recognised as disabled

Which isn't an easy process.

well get moving on that as it can be along slog

i have heard some have got DLA/PIP without diagnosis

Yes, but it still isn't a snap of the fingers and it is done.

How many children do you have op?

mine got dla without diagnosis took 3 weeks, i know not the same for everyone but worth trying.

Three, make

You don't need a diagnosis to get dla. We didn't when we first applied. It's based on need.

It's a bugger of a form to fill in. Pace yourself and copy it for next time but it is well worth doing.

What do you mean recognised as disabled, you said he was disabled? You need to go and seek some professional advice perhaps on having him assessed. If your child has a disability and has substantial care and / or mobility needs then DLA can be awarded. It does not always rely on diagnosis, particularly if this is ASD or MH where a specific diagnosis can take some time.

No, I realise that, but what I am trying to explain (evidently not very well!) is that it isn't as simple as - my child has a disability, here is some extra money, off you pop.

I still can't WORK!

@hamandcheeserolls are you claiming DLA? It is also best to probably go and see someone who can advise you on what you are entitled to claim for which should be able to help you.

Do not feel guilty about not wanting to work, as by reading your post it is not that you do not want to but you are unable to too with the demands of your disabled son.

It might be worth finding out who you need to see so that you get the correct benefits to support you and your family.

As said the DLA forms are a bugger to complete, more like a novella. lol So get a support worker to help you with it. My daughter is VI we do not claim benefits as I am lucky enough to have a partner but when school approached us about it they put us in touch with a support worker who helps parents complete the forms correctly. Apologies for grammatical errors.

YANBU, but your children’s father is he should be assisting in the support of his children.

I can see why a full time job is difficult for you.

But I do get sick of my taxes enabling waster men who don’t take responsibility for supporting their children. Ido t want you not to get benefits, OP because you and your children need support.

I just think the children’s father should be required to support his children.

You don’t need a diagnosis to get DLA as it is based on need. I got a support worker from a local disability advocacy service to help. It was processed very quickly. My DD has a diagnosis but a colleague with a DC on the waiting list got one in a similar short space of time.

well if your a carer then you wont have to work. which is what people are getting at. i still have to attention work focused interviews every 6 months as i am a LP but they said once my youngest turns 5 they will only see me once every 3 years. but i dont have to work they are just to check if i want to.

I just think the children’s father should be required to support his children.

how exactly? you cant force someone to see their kids and most of the time you cant force them to pay either.

Is there a charity that supports people with the disability your child has, that can maybe advocate for you or help you seek a formal diagnosis? What support are the school offering? Is there any possibility of the father making a contribution to the family finances? Are you on good enough terms with your former ILs that you could ask them to help when you get calls from school? Do you have any skills you could use on a self employed basis that you could work around the DCs' needs?

No, I realise that, but what I am trying to explain (evidently not very well!) is that it isn't as simple as - my child has a disability, here is some extra money, off you pop.

I still can't WORK!

I know and my previous post explained what you could do to support yourself without working, and also how difficult it can be to work. Not sure why you are using capitals?

However with the right support and advice the benefit claims process can sometimes be "as easy as my child has a disability, help me claim, here is the extra money and off you pop". Which is why I said you need to seek advice, you may also need support other than financial.

Can you look at getting a teaching assistant job in your child's school. The hours will suite your child needs and you will be in close proximity should you child need you?

Borchester your taxes are not supporting men who don't pay for their children. Child maintenance is ignored by benefits therefore even if the mother receives hundreds of £'s a week for her children she is still entitled to claim all of the benefits. Some may choose not to, but they can.