AIBU at this dietary request in RSVP?

[craxmum]

Hello everyone,

I sent a standard birthday invitation to my son's class (reception). RSVP by [today], state dietary needs etc. I am planning a great party (magician, animators etc), but for the first time am doing it so formally. DS is a popular child, after struggling with extreme shyness, and a lot of kids want to come.
I received today a reply from one mum stating "[Childs name] can have only organic products. Please no refined sugar either. Please check with me if in doubt".
I was already surprised by other requests - namely, halal, gluten free (x2), soy free and vegetarian (x2, one helpfully points out that eggs are not vegetarian). Happy to accommodate (but definitely will outsource to a professional caterer now).

AIBU to think that's a bit too much? Or is it normal? Of course, I can afford organic ingredients, it's not a money issue, but isn't it a little bit cheeky to ask for it?

DS is only two but is gluten intolerant with a pretty big until to dairy too. I also don’t like him having refined sugar.

When we go to other people’s houses I make it ABSOLUTELY clear he cannot have gluten under any circumstances while I’m not as vocal about dairy in the form of ice cream/a bit of cheese etc, largely because I hate it being awkward and his reactions aren’t as violent.

To me, those are medical issues. What I don’t expect is anyone outside of family to cater towards the no refined sugar thing. That’s my personal wish and doesn’t impact on my son’s health and well-being.

Tbh I’ve offered to provide food for him at social events purely because I know dairy AND gluten intolerance make cooking an absolute ball ache. I also would offer to stay and supervise his eating at 5 because I can’t imagine how you’re going to be able to supervise all those five year olds with dietary requirements!!

These people would have loved the hotdogs, party rings and pop at DS2's party 😂. I did do veggie sausages as an option since I don't eat meat myself.

Most people trust that you will respect their wishes. Dds friend is Muslim. I make sure there is plenty of veggie food for her. Admittedly I didn’t think about the gelatine in sweets as being an issue for Muslims or veggies until discussing it with a veggie friend so I have got that wrong in the past.

In my years of experience kids party wise the general consensus always seemed to be: offer a veggie option and cater to any allergies. Anything more specific and the parents bought it themselves!

I've always catered my DS party veggie anyway as he is as it's not like other kids will miss ham for one lunch. Covers halal too then.

I've done separate vegan for a vegan child we always invite but as I'm vegan it's easy.

I'd be fine with gluten free and halal if I'd asked for dietary reqs but the organic thing is massively taking the piss!

Jeez where do you live??? That is crazy. I'm with hot dogs and party rings kids love that kind of thing.

White bread with honey topped with 100s & 1000s . Party food of the gods

I would just do whatever food you intended doing and include some Linda McCartney sausage rolls, quorn sandwiches and maybe vegan Quorn nuggets to cater for the vegan/ halal etc. If a child has serious allergies it's usual for the parents to cater for them. I would tell organic mum there will be vegan options but you're unable to cater for her child other than possibly organic carrots and hummus. She's taking the pee.

I can't eat refined sugar/products so can kind of understand that. I also prefer organic fruit/veg but would never ask anyone to cater for my personal preference. One day non organic isn't going to kill is it?

Get back to them all and say as there are so many dietary requirements, they all need to bring their own food. Maybe tell them what you'll be serving in case they can have any of it. Please don't "outsource to a professional caterer".

We once had to cater for an event with lots of vegans. The food was so delicious the meat eaters wanted it as well

It's annoying isn't it? I've been to several events where the vegetarians were left with nothing because the carnivores preferred the delicious veggie food to the pork pies and chicken legs and burgers. Pisses me off. They'll happily swarm over the food provided for vegetarian guests without a qualm. The veggie guests aren't going to eat the meat dishes, are they?

At my SIL's wedding, I had to stand guard over the veggie table. The food had almost run out and not all of us had eaten. There were LOADS of meat pies and scotch eggs and sausage rolls and kebabs and slices of pork and beef left on the main table. I had to stand there and challenge carnivores. It was so utterly stupid and inconsiderate of them to eat all the food provided for the vegetarians.
It was clearly signposted. We had a dozen or so vegetarians. Their food was gone within about 15 minutes. We were reduced to eating a few bread rolls.

I'm hosting a WA later in the year, and I'm paying for catering, and it's all going to be vegetarian (although I'm not, strictly) Let's see how many people fucking complain.

No sugar is fine and quite normal,

Er, no, it’s not

That there's not meat, I mean.

To all those scoffing at the vegetarian mum, eggs are not considered vegetarian in India (and probably other countries).

Dietary requirements to me are either a) foods that could cause an allergic reaction or b)vegetarian/vegan.

Halal, organic, refined sugar - no way.

I'd get in touch with these parents and say you can't cater for their child and several other children, because it would be impossible to afford the party.

n future I would not invite people to state dietary needs as you are inviting this kind of trouble by making it clear that you will accommodate whatever whim they fancy. Let them come to you, or better still, pick through the party food provided themselves for their dc

This!

I did have one parent tell me their child was coelic, but i already knew from nursery. They didn’t seem overly concerned, maybe i came across as knowledgeable, just dumped their child and said “oh he’s pretty good at. knowing what he can’t eat”! At 4 years old :).

Party rings are vegan, btw!

For those who are saying they would only accept GF requests from Coeliacs, my 4 year old is Gluten Intolerant. This is medically diagnosed and she has been tested for Coeliacs but thankfully it appears it isn't. She can handle a small amount of gluten, so yes you may see her being allowed a small amount of cake at the end of the party. If she was allowed free range on a typical party buffet there is a good chance she would have a horrible toileting accident infront of all her friends. This isn't a parental fad or fussyness. It's awful having to police her at a party. If it's a party I can stay at I wouldn't mention it but if it was a party with a pizza/ burger menu e.g soft play I would have to. Please don't assume gluten intolerance isn't real.

And for the poster who thinks all intolerances are caused by monster munch, she was bf until nearly 2 years, has never had formula, and was BLWd on proper real food. I suspect the intolerances are more to do with how processed even normal food are now.

This is a kids party. They won't starve if they only have a bread stick or quarter of hard boiled egg. FFS.

DailyMailReadersAreThick

To all those scoffing at the vegetarian mum, eggs are not considered vegetarian in India (and probably other countries).

The OP isn’t in India, so folk may well scoff at the vegetarian mum’s apparent ignorance.

I would gently ask this mum why organic. Could it be that her child have some issues with additives? Give her a benefit of doubt. If it's for medical reasons I would make an effort to provide something like carrot or cucumber sticks, houmous and probably a pack of organic chocolate buttons but mum should come to supervise by herself.
No way I would provide for life style choices.
Other requests don't sound unusual, it's pretty standard to ask for dietary requirements. We had a child with allergy at primary and I knew a couple of people who became vegetarian, needed special diet for medical reasons later in life. So I always ask my guests, any age.

White bread with honey topped with 100s & 1000s . Party food of the gods

Hey though WatchingTheWorldCup

It's not vegan though is it? Honey? Comes from bees?

It's a minefield (I'm on your side. My dd is vegan. She won't eat honey. I have to bite my lip and soldier on)

I don't eat honey because I don't like it, but a nice Halibut steak is irresistible.

What are animators?? I've seen it on age party threads now.

Most children at big parties end up hardly eating anything. They tend to graze. Sandwiches are ignored. Fruit and veg eaten - strawberries, carrot sticks, cucumber sticks, cherry tomatoes usually get eaten. Sausage rolls (meat or veggie) popular and crisps. Lots and lots of crisps. Seriously that's all you need.

iamyourequal

Ironic user name given your comment.

The vegetarian mum may be from India and was simply explaining her culture to the OP.

I would just order Dominos