AIBU at this dietary request in RSVP?

[craxmum]

Hello everyone,

I sent a standard birthday invitation to my son's class (reception). RSVP by [today], state dietary needs etc. I am planning a great party (magician, animators etc), but for the first time am doing it so formally. DS is a popular child, after struggling with extreme shyness, and a lot of kids want to come.
I received today a reply from one mum stating "[Childs name] can have only organic products. Please no refined sugar either. Please check with me if in doubt".
I was already surprised by other requests - namely, halal, gluten free (x2), soy free and vegetarian (x2, one helpfully points out that eggs are not vegetarian). Happy to accommodate (but definitely will outsource to a professional caterer now).

AIBU to think that's a bit too much? Or is it normal? Of course, I can afford organic ingredients, it's not a money issue, but isn't it a little bit cheeky to ask for it?

Also enjoying the "very popular child" animators (?) magicians and "of course i can afford organic" , and the addition of the professional caters.

To be fair you did ask. I haven't ever put it on invitations as by the time my kids got to know someone well enough to invite them to their party, they had already been round for tea and I always ask the first time about any food requirements. But although you can try to go totally organic there will be times when it won't happen, and I would have not mentioned that myself.

Be careful and polite refusing the organic one. It might be worth running it by the Mum and seeing if it is just preference.

I know a child who has only organic and he is a childhood cancer survivor whose parents are understandably extra cautious and it is quite common in those cases.

You should be able to feed almost all of them - vegetarian, halal and gluten free with gluten free plain pizzas (no meat toppings and you should check the cheese) - you can buy the base gluten free and just add toppings if need be. It probably won't be organic though. I might just ask his mum to pack him a lunch.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for halal, or soy free or gluten free if they're allergic or intolerant, otherwise YANBU. Why are you taken aback at halal. DS2's in a 50%Muslim class, DD's in a 33% Muslim class.

Well you did ask!
We once had to cater for an event with lots of vegans. The food was so delicious the meat eaters wanted it as well. Humus, peanut butter lots of veg, pasta, rice salads. Fruit salad. Or you could go Asian style (lots around cos of Ramadan) onion bhajee, samosa, curry..
It wouldn't be hard to do all this and just say the cake will have sugar in

"If your child has special dietary requirements, please pack a lunchbox with his/her preferred/allowed food thank you"

Oh good grief it's a child's party not a worthiness conference! Op, next time don't mention it and let those with genuine issues and those falling over their own pretention absorb the work and the cost.

I understand religious/cultural dietary requirements and any allergies or Intolerances (would also like to know the severity of the allergy, can they be around nuts but not ingest them or is it bad enough that I'm making sure no nuts pass through my front door). Anything else is just being difficult and I'm sorry but a bit stuck up. I'm not policing your child, you wanna do that then you do that. I'll offer them a lunch packed by you but I'm not whacking a jelly baby from a child's hand unless they are gonna turn into a medical emergency.

Yeah the organic request is cheeky! I'm vegetarian and not keen on eggs (which are definitely vegetarian!) I normally just have to pick through for what is suitable for me. Also parties are for treats like cake seems a bit sad for the other kids if you have no refined sugar at the party for this one kid. But then how are you going to stop the one kid eating the cake if it's at the party? Sounds like a really entitled request.

Can’t you get it all on Deliveroo OP??

I just sent out pre-printed invitation cards, where there was a line for dietary needs. I am new to the UK, and a bit tone deaf when it comes to etiquette anyway, so played it safe.

The vegetarian, Halaal and Gluten free requests would not phase me at all. However to ask for only organic is rude and I would reply that you are not planning to do organic food but you are welcome to bring along any items you would prefer your child to eat on the day.

We had such a variety at DS’s party that I think it would have catered for all those requests (though some would have been munching on a salad and vegetable platter) except organic maybe. Might have been. We had M&S party food.

I'd just pretend it was all organic. Who's gonna know?

How will parent check if you are serving organic food?
LIE.

Plus, if you serve party food to children, how the hell do you tell them they can't have the nice stuff, just because 'Mummy has issues'. You can easily do halal for everyone. If you have a child with allergies you have to police them / be careful with the food - and that's fair enough. But you can't police ALL the kids and you shouldn't be expected to.

Its not a dietary requirement. Its being pretentious and over privileged.

There is no such thing as 'bad food' only food which you should eat in moderation.

As for 'eggs are not vegetarian', just ask them what is the difference between their vegetarianism and veganism and 'vegetarians' who eat fish. Then say you only do eggestarian. With a straight face.

I'd see it as a service to the child to give them crap once in a while. There's nothing wrong with the odd Maccas. In fact, next time, just do yourself a favour and say you are going to McDonalds.

Honestly, I'd cater for allergies and religious beliefs quite happily. I'd be fine with doing some vegetarian options for everyone just for a healthy alternative if they want to choose it.

But if you are going down the vegan or organic route, I would tell them to sling their hook and provide a packed lunch and have done with it. You can not accommodate everyone, and its hard enough to provide for genuine need rather than people who really do need a reality check. Not everyone can AFFORD to get in caterers, never mind provide for their whims.

Are they really going to stop their kid going on a school trip or scout etc camp because they don't do organic food. Do you think a school / scouts would accommodate a request for organic food?! Would they hell! Plus I can guarantee that given the option without overbearing parent watching, lots of these kids would go straight for the processed crap, precisely because they are not allowed it at home. Far better to teach the kids to make sensible food choices themselves from a young age.

As for being thought of as being rude, I wouldn't have a problem, because I know who the one being rude and it sure as hell isn't you.

TBH, if I got a request like that, I would take great pleasure in deliberate feeding child Asda Savers. No. In fact, I'd see it as a civic duty.

Organic fruitloops you have been warned. I have a nut intolerance.

I think that is rude. I'd send a note back saying you completely understand her anxiety and that to save her any concern she should send a packed lunch with her child and you'll ensure he only eats that.

Actual allergies and intolerances are one thing, as are religious dietary requirements, but no child is going to be harmed by one meal made with non-organic ingredients!! It's incredibly rude to demand this IMO.

What a pain! I'd tell them all to bring their own food if they are so fussy! Whatever happened to sausages on sticks, sausage rolls, cheese sticks, jelly and cake! Much more fun! I think a lot of parents encourage their children to be fussy.

It's not that I was shocked at any particular request, but rather at the whole menu.
With religious dietary needs, I was just surprised that I was trusted to get it right.

Halal, yes for religious reasons.
Vegetarian, yes for the parents ethical reasons.
Gluten free, yes if they are coeliac.
Organic, no you can bog off. It's a kids birthday party. What if can't afford to provide an entire organic spread?

Some people are just so ridiculous it beggars belief.

I had loads of birthday parties for my dds when they were little, 20 years ago. I'm so fucking glad this wasn't a 'thing' then or I'd have thought twice about it.

I remember just one little girl who was a proper bona fide diagnosed coeliac and her Mum came along with her to help supervise, and make sure she didn't sneak anything she shouldn't have, for which I was very grateful. Watching twenty 5 year olds is no mean feat.
It wouldn't have occurred to me to ask for dietary needs. If they're important medical dietary needs, I figure they'd tell me.

I'm nonplussed at the spiralling allergies and intolerances that seem to be plaguing children nowadays. Maybe it's down to the constant snacking on Monster Munch type crap that's sending their digestive systems out of kilter, and to be honest, if I had to do a kids party today, I'd make everything myself from scratch with organic ingredients.
Either that, or not bloody bother at all.

Seriously, I think we need to know where you live I can’t imagine anyone saying only organic...that’s about as pretentious a reply as it gets.
I get the gluten free, but to be honest, if my child has celiac, I’d be tempted to supply him with his own plate of party food for fear of gluten contamination. The organic and sugar comment though, that’s hilarious

Sugar free is such a disservice to kids. My mum did that til I was about 2 1/2(then gave up in the face of birthday parties). Sugar is like crack to me, I’ve got the sweetest tooth of anyone I’ve ever met and no sense of portion control with it at all.

A child’s Birthday party with no refined sugar! How is that even possible. Are they expecting no Birthday cake or any sweets? What a dull party that would be.

I take it you have moved to a naice middle classed area. Regarding the gluten free. I’d ask if the dc is celiac or intolerant just so you know what you’re up against in terms of cross contamination.