AIBU at this dietary request in RSVP?

[craxmum]

Hello everyone,

I sent a standard birthday invitation to my son's class (reception). RSVP by [today], state dietary needs etc. I am planning a great party (magician, animators etc), but for the first time am doing it so formally. DS is a popular child, after struggling with extreme shyness, and a lot of kids want to come.
I received today a reply from one mum stating "[Childs name] can have only organic products. Please no refined sugar either. Please check with me if in doubt".
I was already surprised by other requests - namely, halal, gluten free (x2), soy free and vegetarian (x2, one helpfully points out that eggs are not vegetarian). Happy to accommodate (but definitely will outsource to a professional caterer now).

AIBU to think that's a bit too much? Or is it normal? Of course, I can afford organic ingredients, it's not a money issue, but isn't it a little bit cheeky to ask for it?

Dd has anaphylactic allergies to nuts and seeds. When she was very small, I'd attend parties with her to save the host being anxious. When she was older, she got used to just eating the things she could and avoiding cakes and biscuits. I never once ever told the host what to provide food wise!

The vegetarian who doesn’t count eggs sounds like they might be a Hindu. A lot of Indian Hindus mistakenly class eggs as non-veg but will happily guzzle a pint of milk because of ignorance.

I'd like to see what number constitutes "a lot", and see some sort of evidence for that claim, because it sounds a lot like ignorance itself...

She informed me that they won't be able to attend then in a quite rude and patronising manner (implying that my son is nutritionally neglected), with the rest of the parent group cc-ed (original email was sent only to her).

Well, fuck her then. You've dodged a bullet rather than made an enemy.

She’s basically put up a big warning sign for everyone she’s copied in. She’ll be thought of as the woman who gets stroppy about sugar at children’s parties by all and sundry. Some of them might be expecting such things from her, but now everyone knows what she’s like.

I always cater for halal, and inadvertently for veggies, at parties by not having any meat.

It's plain pizza, raw veggies, fruit, plus cake and sweets. Any vegan / coeliac / lactose intolerant etc will make themselves known before hand.

One of my kids is currently being limited in his dairy intake to alleviate eczema so would take this into account next time but wouldn't expect him to be specifically catered for.

I feel so sorry for the children who are obviously made to eat vegan and organic. Part of being a child is to experience all the fun things like sweets, cake etc that is part of being a child. These children are going to have serious issues and eating disorders growing up if they are not allowed sweets and cake. I've seen it myself working in a primary school. And when dc invites friends over, a couple of them on these strict diets gorge themselves on sweets in my home. Honestly I just want to shake the living shit out of these clueless, entitled selfish parents. They are doing their child far more harm than good by excluding them from the normal part of growing up. And seriously if your child has to bring a lunch box for themselves to a party, don't set them up for that exclusion and 'other'ness. Better off not sending them at all. Parents like these have clearly forgotten what its like to be a child. Just let your child choose.

Catering for most religious diets and vegetarians can be done with the same meal i.e. you have meat options and non-meat options. We have friends who are Jains and they don't regard eggs as vegetarian. So their Jain son and my Muslim son can both be catered for with a cheese sandwich.
Is this the organic woman

I want to slap the living shit out of these cruel parents

You are ignorant and ridiculous for this statement!

Okay : Halal, Vegetarian and Vegan can all eat Vegan - I'd probably make sure that was organic (or mainly so) and soy free. Just inform everyone of that - you don't have Gluten free so that is one less problem. Everyone else can have whatever.
Tell parents what you will be providing but that you won't be policing (unless serious allergies but such kids are very good in my experience).

I have never asked, but I do have 3 children who regularly come to parties who I have to cater for.
one is dairy free, in the early days Dad always stayed to make sure he had the right food (until he know he could trust me, and could trust his ds not to pinch the wrong stuff)
one is halal, and very strict, again Mum stayed first time.

The other one though, drop off at first party (age 4 I think) and as she dropped off she said over her shoulder - Oh she doesn't eat cake or sugar - and left!
I had no idea why and how strictly I needed to police this. Turns out mum is very strict about no cake, no chocolate, no sweets, no anything!
Once we got used to it, we all adapted, little prizes always include non sweets for X etc, but that first party she hadn't even warned me, just did it, and I was so busy worrying about halal and dairy free, and that was dropped on me.

prizes were sweets, tea table was a sugar fest. Nightmare.

(she has since become a good friend, and she is still nuts over her kids diet. I have picked her kids up from party with a party bag and watched her dd shove the cake and icing into her mouth in the rear view mirror, and I pretended not to see, when we got to her house, the party bag was sugar free and mum was never the wiser)

Can I just say that our Halal friend does not eat most sweets (gelatine) or most cheese (renet)

so, while they can be catered for with veggie options, they have to be really properly done veggie options, not just a cheese pizza. I have to label read to make sure they are veggie suitable cheese etc.

This is why you never , ever ask.

Eat it or leave it.

I'd reply to her cc'd email (cc'ing everyone) saying you'll be catering for vegan/gluten free etc just in case others get the wrong idea that you won't cater for them and rsvp no

@SalemBlackCat you are ignorant because you claim that vegan = no treats/sugar . That is a ridiculous statement. Oreos, party rings, bourbons are all vegan! So really you don’t have a clue what it is to be vegan!!!!

Don't fall into different things for different people. Will get complicated then. Just keep everything vegan, low sugar and gluten free and you can't go wrong.

not all bourbons are vegan.

I know because dds dairy free friend used to be able to eat asda bourbons, and then they changed the recipe, so it had dried milk in.

I think it was changed back though after many complaints

Don't fall into different things for different people. Will get complicated then. Just keep everything vegan, low sugar and gluten free and you can't go wrong.

you see that doesn't work round here.
The majority of kids here would not eat vegan low sugar etc stuff.
Not because it isn't tasty, but because it is unfamiliar. I have found that birthday party food needs to be very familiar and recognisable and what I would call junk food - pizza, cocktail sausages, sandwiches, biscuits. Cherry tomatoes and grapes get left uneaten. Anything not very familiar (think form Iceland) gets left uneaten. We always have wholemeal bread at home, but I have to buy white plastic bread for kids parties.

Honestly, are people so rude ?

Ds’s best friend is Muslim and they have been best friends since they were five. His dm mentioned when they first teamed up that they didn’t eat pork. No other fuss.

People seem to be raising very demanding little customers. And what joyless parties with no sugar rush stuff. In any case, most kids are far too excited to do justice to party teas (especially worthy ones).

This is why I dread parties as both my sons are dairy & soya intolerant & I really hate the party planner going to extra fuss.

I always offer to bring their food/make dairy free selection for them & that tends to go down well. In fact some mums have bitten my hand off at making the main cake which I love to do anyway.

To me it’s really easy to find & source things for the boys but I am dreading future school parties.

I just wouldn’t ask or ask parents politely to provide food for specific dietary requirements.

@steppemum yes the Asda ones are back to vegan. We have to be careful though as they are always slipping milk into things and changing the ingredients on stuff and the first we know is when we are sick. They had milk in an ice lolly the other day. DH assumes it was flavoured frozen ice and didn’t check. DS was sick for hours.

FWIW I always provide vegan food for my son for school but the school have told me that they will cater for him from now on as veganism is a protected right under the equality act 2010.

Eggs are vegetarian, for God's sake! What do people think goes in quiches?

DS has CMPI, if it's a buffet I just take bits with me, he'll have a bit of anything safe, then I top up with what I've brought as needed. If it's a box meal, I let them know but offer to bring food if they can't cater for him to save them paying for food he can't eat. It really doesn't need to cause anyone a headache unless people want to be demanding over it. Dietary preferences you should bring your own if you think there won't be enough/anything you will eat. As pp have said, organic etc requests are ridiculous!

She deliberately cc'd everyone so that she could advertise to the whole class what a monumental twat she is?!

Hahaha!

Bloodybridget Mon 18-Jun-18 18:03:13
Eggs are vegetarian, for God's sake! What do people think goes in quiches?

Some Indian people, for example, do not regard eggs as acceptable for vegetarians. We have friends who are Jains and they are lacto vegetarians.