AIBU at this dietary request in RSVP?

[craxmum]

Hello everyone,

I sent a standard birthday invitation to my son's class (reception). RSVP by [today], state dietary needs etc. I am planning a great party (magician, animators etc), but for the first time am doing it so formally. DS is a popular child, after struggling with extreme shyness, and a lot of kids want to come.
I received today a reply from one mum stating "[Childs name] can have only organic products. Please no refined sugar either. Please check with me if in doubt".
I was already surprised by other requests - namely, halal, gluten free (x2), soy free and vegetarian (x2, one helpfully points out that eggs are not vegetarian). Happy to accommodate (but definitely will outsource to a professional caterer now).

AIBU to think that's a bit too much? Or is it normal? Of course, I can afford organic ingredients, it's not a money issue, but isn't it a little bit cheeky to ask for it?

so what's changed ?

In the case of coeliac disease: better processes of diagnosis and greater awareness.

Egg free vegstarianism (often called pure vegetarianism) is a religious requirement in some vedic religions.

Eg Buddhism. Not allowed eggs due to chance of life.

BillywilliamV

Happy meals all round then..

That's the point, yes!

Totally off topic, but you say your son ‘was considered autistic’?

Do you mean he was diagnosed incorrectly with ASD?

OK update.

I answered very politely to the organic mum about inability to cater for every preference, lack of expertise with this particular diet, and whether she could provide food she knows is safe for her child to eat.
She informed me that they won't be able to attend then in a quite rude and patronising manner (implying that my son is nutritionally neglected), with the rest of the parent group cc-ed (original email was sent only to her). I think I just made an enemy.:)

Oh my! I think others will her too so don’t worry. Just because they’re fee paying doesn’t mean all the parents will share her ways.

@raffle, no, he never got to the diagnosis stage. The health visitor made a referral for autism assessment which I never followed through with as I knew it was based on very biased observations (e.g. he was branded non-verbal at 4, which was simply not true). Scared me to death.

The other parents almost certainly hate the woman who insists that there’s no sugar at children’s parties.

craxmum I expect you’ll be in good company

Can I just say I’d be overjoyed that you had asked. My DC has a dairy allergy and is left out of all birthday food because of it. Years on and despite offering to provide, showing how easy it is to do things dairy-free etc the few invites DC gets we have to take picnic. But we have to cater for other kids preferences so they din’t get left out. Some people are self righteous.

No loss to you RE organic, sugar free Mum. She sounds uptight and like hard work.

I served hot dogs at my DS's last birthday party. Out of a tin . I did cater for the one vegetarian with a couple of naice quiches (big ones so there was more than enough) and I told the mum of the gluten free child the menu so she could provide a suitable roll. Sorted.

It's a party, it's meant to be a fun event with treats. My DS loves hot dogs and it was his party. Do food your birthday DC will enjoy.

Sounds like the organic mum was someone best avoided anyway to be honest

In the future I just wouldn't ask about dietary requirements. I would personally just make sure food selection included a couple of vegan options and everything was nut free. Vegan options cover some common food allergies, vegetarians, halal and of course any vegans. If anyone had genuine food requirements I have no doubt they would either provide their own food or let you know.

My DD has multiple food allergies and if we're invited somewhere and we aren't asked about dietary requirements, we automatically bring our own food and don't think twice about it. It is nice when people are able to meet her dietary requirements as she gets to eat what other people are having. It does make me sad when she sees other people tucking into party food and she is stuck with essentially a packed lunch as I worry she will feel left out, but I share her food with her so she's not the only one eating a packed lunch.

Have had to seriously bite my tongue about people's ignorance to do with allergies

Lmao, i cater for allergies, thats it
Vegetarian, vegan, halal, no sugar, organic, dont care, wont cater. Dont like it, too bad, bring your own.
Id just put out the food that dd would eat, party food, pies, chips, cakes, lollies, hotdogs. Parties are not the time for health nuts and fun police

I think that regardless if you meet these demands - unless you make all the food organic and refined sugar free etc - how can you stop such a young child only eating food prepared for him or her. Tell the parent they need to come and supervise!

Didn't even know it was a 'thang', to ask?

laughs.

Thankfully I'm not SW London

lol omg I’d load that kid with sugar and send him back

(Not read beyond first page disclaimer)

Better to say "Let me know about any allergies". I'd just ignore the "organic and refined sugar" response. She is a dick.

What a nightmare. I would simply provide a typical party menu with vegetarian options and inform the celiacs and organic mum that they need to provide their own food as a) the numerous food requests have made things difficult to come up with a common menu and b) due to the chaotic nature of a children's party, you cannot take responsibility over making sure that the child's dietary requirements will be adhered to.

If you try and accommodate all whims/needs, you will be held responsible for any accidental eating of non-acceptable foods so best deflect that prior to the party.

Good lord people are tiresome.
At parties I always do cheese sandwiches, jam sandwiches, crisps, fruit and cake. Dd had one little coeliac girl in her class and I do her a little plate with gluten free food.

That is it. Anyone that can't deal with some of this are welcome to bring their own food.

No refined sugar at a children's party? Good luck with that one!

The vegetarian who doesn’t count eggs sounds like they might be a Hindu. A lot of Indian Hindus mistakenly class eggs as non-veg but will happily guzzle a pint of milk because of ignorance.

How rude / PA for,organic material then to cc in everyone else when your email,was addressed just to her@!

From your thread title, I was expecting to say yabu, but from reading the open yadnbu!

Allergies, fine. Lifestyle choices such as vegetarian/vegan, again fine... but all organic? Nah, that's too much. Not like she'd know anyway - an organic carrot looks (and tastes?) Exactly like an ordinary carrot. I'd probably tell a white lie...

On a positive note, I wouldn't see it so much as gaining an enemy but as losing a potential PITA
I have a child with allergies. I expect to provide packups for him if he wants to attend, I don't expect the host to. More often than not though, they are super kind and provide a little glutenfree bun or something.

If she copied in all the other parents I bet most of them will be laughing at her. I know our parent group would be.

The thing is that some requirements are easier than others. DD has a friend who is Muslim but for simplicity her mum says she's vegetarian. For a kids' party it's easy to go veggie - cheese and tomato pizza, crisps, carrot sticks and houmous, cheese/egg sandwiches, cakes, biscuits etc.

Requesting organic food and no refined sugar isn't a requirement. It's a preference. I would not be accommodating that preference.