To think that some women go on and on about the obesity crisis and weight

[Tobythecat]

Just to be smug about their healthy eating and slimness?

I have noticed it on here a lot and real life, even a good friend of mine posted something on facebook about it and i was disappointed with her for being so judgemental.

People who fat shame and go on about the obesity crisis and talk about overweight peoples eating habits dont seem to think that these individuals likely have binge eating disorders and bullimia.

I have had a binge eating problem since i was a child and used to starve myself. Im overweight and trying to lose it but im sick of some smug women who try to make people like me ashamed of our weight issues.

A good friend of mine just posted about a quote from the bible about obesity and gluttony. A lot of her friends are carrying weight and i just felt like she posted it to feel smug and superior. Shes always going on about how she used to make herself sick and talks about how she only eats salad and healthy stuff, whilst offering me a biscuit.

AIBU to think that a lot of women do this as a way to feel superior?

But that thread is specifically about a women who asked for people to fund her skin removal surgery? It could have easily been about a man asking but it wasnt, the OPs female friend did and I very much doubt that all the people who were opposed to helping pay for a womens skin removal surgery give money to men for skin removal surgery.
It isnt a thread about how overweight women are so much worse than overweight men.

Another fail upsideup. The woman who lost 20 stone is further on in the thread She is an MNer and has never crowd funded (because she knows the sort of comments she would get) its NOT the same woman mentioned in the OP.

Again its NOT about health If it was there wouldnt be anyone on that thread advovating that she should be left at risk of infection.

Statement of truth. Not misogyny.

How many times do ypu see men on social media sharing photos of a pair of trousers not fitting whining at a retailer?
How many male clothing shops have redrawn their sizing because men have decided they want smaller numbers?

The sad reality is that lots of women are absolutely obsessed and fixated on their numbers and size. There's a huge amount of socialisation that's present which creates this bizarre set up where some women simultaneously want a smaller number for themselves whilst being scathing of women who are small.

The better way forward (in my opinion) would be to keep sizes actual sizes, don't keep increasing the measurements, accept some women are petite, some are small, some are athletic, some are curvy, some are broad, some are muscular, some are overweight, some are apple shaped, some are pair shaped, some are lanky and you know what? Not all clothes will suit everyone & not all cuts will flatter and that's absolutely ok.

whining is the same as nagging. Its a sexist term

If a teacher cant see that i can see why misogynistic bullying is so rife in schools.

Young girls today are under an enormous amount of pressure Far too much pressure.

I'm not going to read the whole thread but why do you think its because shes a woman that people argued against her getting the surgery? The people who are so strongly opposed to a woman getting skin removal surgery paid for them are not supporting men having the right to.
I take it there was no man who came to the thread to say he was wanted it? If there was he would have got the same response

I think some people do jump on the bandwagon in order to show themselves in a better light. But some are probably genuinely concerned - there's a huge increase in obesity in recent years, and you only have to look around you to see it. It is real problem for all concerned.

I know exactly what you mean. My MiL is one these - it drives me nuts. She’s extremely petite - both in height and built.

Everything is about ‘her size’. ‘I can’t sit on that large sofa because of my size.’ ‘I can’t shop in M&S because everything’s too big for someone my size!’

Every mealtime is a performance about how little she eats. After dinner chocolates? She’ll ask if you want to halve one with her. In restaurants she’ll just make a giant deal of just ordering a starter and nothing else. Whenever you serve her something she protests ‘oh I can’t possibly eat that much!’ If you put something out for people to share - for example I put a plate of hot cross buns out when she last visited - she took one, fiddles with it, mangled it, then put the bit she wasn’t eating back.

Insanely annoying.

It could be worse. You could have one of my BILs over. Put a plate of food down by him and it’s gone. None is left for anyone else. He’s like a human garbage disposal.

I’ve had to tell the DC off for laughing before as we have played an elaborate game round the table to make sure other people actually get some food to eat.

Perhaps the answer is moderation?

whining is the same as nagging. Its a sexist term
If a teacher cant see that i can see why misogynistic bullying is so rife in schools.
Seriously.
Dear me. In my neck of the woods we have whining children too. Guess our whole region is a hub of misogyny.

Oh and my parents' pets get told to stop whining when they sit next to their food bowl and pine for food. Guess someone better tell them they're sexist.

Every mealtime is a performance about how little she eats. After dinner chocolates? She’ll ask if you want to halve one with her. In restaurants she’ll just make a giant deal of just ordering a starter and nothing else
And then having done all that they'll watch me tuck into a pudding and suddenly they want to 'have a little taster'... NO.
JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!
Get your own pudding or order a proper meal if you're hungry but hands off mine.

I find the women who go on about weight far more than everyone else is the overweight woman. Perhaps it’s symptomatic of an over eating disorder but they seem to be preoccupied by food and almost always eating. A few women I work with are always eating something - usually weight watchers snacks of some sort and will always openly justify it to anyone listening. Or, say “I’m being good” or “I’m being naughty”. And talk at length about diets, then being proud of curves, then that people shouldn’t body shame. When actually, everyone wants to just get on with the job and not listen to weight loss chat.

Whereas I never hear anything about weight / diets etc from slim or average weight people - if they want a biscuit they eat it, if they go to the gym it’s just part of a routine

I think there can be an element of smugness, yes.

shirly
I think that's part of having a healthy attitude to food. If I want a biscuit and am hungry then I eat a biscuit. More often than not though, it's not hunger, it's thirst or boredom, so I stop for a second before snacking just because.

Equally, most slim and medium sized people I know (men and women) don't tend to frame food as being a 'treat' or talk about being 'naughty'. They just eat it. They don't tend to reward themselves with food. They don't tend to eat when they are feeling intense emotions. They tend not to think of foods as being 'good' or 'bad'. They don't feel guilt after eating because they are eating to fuel their body, not to satisfy emotional needs or boredom. They tend to listen to their body, eat slowly and recognise when they are full rather than clearing their plate because it's there (there's a really interesting study on the ever filling soup bowl).

Eating habits and attitudes are quite complex. Most of my friends who've been overweight and losr weight have found that it's a full lifestyle shift, not denying yourself 'treats'.

There is a lot of misogyny at play, for sure.

Women "whining", really?

Yes, women get obsessed with appearance, sizing etc. That's because they are judged. And that brings us right back round to sexism...

Mention it and than that person develops an eating disorder.

Er, there is no way that the majority of overweight and obese people have binge eating disorders or bulimia. If that was true, the obesity crisis wouldn't be a current crisis but a historical human condition.

I'm slim. I'm healthy. I don't talk about it because it's boring. The people, I find, who talk relentlessly about their health, weight, diets, body positivity etc. are those who are on constant yoyo diets and whose weight either fluctuates or is always above the healthy range.

Getting annoyed and posting endless photos on social media because you can't wear the number trousers you want is whining.
Just like people who end up on the Facebook page 'Angry people in local newspapers' are often whiny folk who love being irate and offended : Peter 45 is outraged that he couldn't get his normal space at the football match because of local roadworks. I'm furious because I've always sat there. = whining.
Sandra knew the school uniform was black shoes. Sandra bought Timny black and yellow trainers. School weren't happy. Sandra is demanding school change their policy = whining
Mike is in his early 30s and is a typical 30 year old bloke. Mike went to Jack wills and tried on a pair of skinny fit chinos. They didn't fit. Mike could say 'oh ok. Maybe skinny chinos aren't my look and thia shop has a different fit', but Mike doesn't. Mike goes mad on social media and demands Jack Wills make their skinny fit chinos cater to his 30 year old man frame. After all, I'm a real bloke, not some boy with peg legs = whining
molly knows that shop y runs slightly smaller, but instead of saying 'ok that's life they must fit other women', Molly got annoyed because in shop x she wears a 12 but in shop y she has to wear a 14 because their cut is different. Molly thinks sizes should change so she feels better = whining

I've already mentioned the pressure and socialisation. I've also mentioned the complexity of eating habits too.

Still doesn't change the fact that some women place their own desire to have the correct number so they feel good about themselves iver other women's ability to buy clothes in the women's ranges.

Yanbu. You are entirely correct in your observations. I know a few people like this, both women aswell.
It is to feel smug and superior.
However I know that they both have other areas in their life that they are insecure and sometimes miserable about.... so I think that’s where it stems from.

Umm ok Maisy.

I don't like the term vanity sizing because it is in itself a pretty misogynistic term, given that it's almost always applied to women's clothing (despite your worthy example). Women have historically been accused of being vain, which is galling to say the least given the way in which ideas of female attractiveness has been driven by male fantasy and male judgement.

It's also pretty naive to assume shops changed their sizes due to "whining" - they couldnt give a shit about anyone's hurt feelings! Whining won't have done it; money will.

Sure, men are on thr fringes of issues and discussions about obesity. But there's a whole section that's just about shaming women. You can pretend otherwise if it suits you.

It doesn't affect me personally as I'm a size 10 (old size 12 of course).

anxious My point is IF a 30 year old man went to Jack Wills and got annoyed that their skinny fit chinos didn't fit him in the size he wanted then that would be comparable to women going to a shop that fits smaller and complaining because they can't get the skinny jeans they want.

I don't expect to walk into a shop and have the right number for my feelings on my clothes. Shops fit differently. Cuts and fabrics fit differently. Some shops cut for people with bums and thighs and are curvy, others for people with leaner, more atheletic frames.
The social media angst is almost always 'woman tries on a pair of skinny jeans in a shop that is known for fitting slightly smaller than other shops. Woman picks up the number she wants and goes to the changing rooms. Woman can't get that cut on or it's too small. Woman takes picture of herself with a pair of jeans roubd her thighs. Woman shares photo on social media about how awful a shop is. Other women who are of a similar mindset pile on about how they too also had an issue with skinny jeans'

Even if you ignore the fact that if you know a shop runs smaller and you're that bothered by your number, why the hell go to that shop in the first place, for some reason, it seems to escape these
women that not all size 8 women are the same build and not all size 12 women are the same build and not all size 14 women are the same build so shock horror, they might not be able to always wear the number they want.

My point is you don't tend to get men acting like that. If they did, my view would be the same.

I have a 36inch chest measurement and bout a size 4 jumper last month from Primark. A size 4! I am not in any way, shape or form a size 4. So what about women who are genuinely petite and slim? Between sizes getting gradually bigger on the whole and now places like H&M shifting out by a whole size, what do those women do other than find it increasingly difficult to get clothes?

YANBU. My mother can’t seem to help but comment on every larger person she sees and what they are/might be eating/wearing. She used to be big herself so I wonder if that’s why she seems so obsessed.

We went away recently and couldn’t have a meal without her commenting on how we would all “have to eat salad and water for the rest of the week” or something similar. It. Scans very boring and took the enjoyment out of eating out for me (which is very very rare that I can).

I don't dispute that sizes have got bigger. I believe you about the Primark thing.

I also agree that people are gettinh bigger. That's a fact.

I just think you're jumping on the "let's make women feel even shitter" bandwagon, and not examining your prejudices or your language.

I'll have to take your word for it that there are all these social media posts of women stuck in pairs of trousers. I have not come across this.

You say that if men were doing this, you'd accuse them of whining too. But in your post above you quoted a man doing just this. Was that a made up example?!

Ok, so I think you're saying women do this whining all the time whereas men do it occasionally, perhaps? Assuming that's true, why do you think that is?

Is it because women are whiny, vain and stupid, and men are just a bit... better? Or is it because women are judged loads more on their size and attractiveness?

Either way, it's a shit deal for women, and they get the added bonus of being descibed as "whiny" by other women. Yay!

What's the answer though? I don't think anyone should be shamed for their size, but some people seem to believe even pointing out physical and mental health risks is akin to shaming when body sizes become extreme (both large and small).

It's not just a weight thing though. It seems like we are increasingly in this kind of 'love me and admire me for exactly who I am no matter what' sort of mentality about loads of aspects of modern living. And if anyone points out perhaps something isn't healthy or making the person happy (or others around them) somehow they are now 'shaming' and therefore evil.

No one wants to be shamed. No one enjoys thinking other people are smug. But at some point surely there has to be a recognition that blindly giving blanket acceptance and praise to people who are harming themselves is not helping anyone?

No one needs to "give praise" though

Just a "mind your own business" approach would do.

All the faux concern in those dreadful magazines about women's weight, whatever it might be - that's not addressing the obesity crisis!
Nor are smug fb posts.

People know when they're unhealthy. The rest - the shaming, the tv shows, the endless chattering about it, is just bullshit.

And it is always women who bear the brunt. Always.