So I've posted on here about 6 months ago about the very difficult dynamic between me, my mum and DD. We have lived together since DD a baby, she's now 11. Have made attempts to get somewhere separate for us from my mum over the yrs but mum uses emotional blackmail to wear me down until I can't cope with the fear and guilt and agree that we stay living together. She undermines me in front of DD, has totally taken over, I've been to extensive therapy to try to break the enmeshment between my mum and I, so I can give DD a psychologically healthier environment and also be happy myself.
Situation now is I finally got the balls to put house on market, put foot down when mum had hysterics and tried to make me feel like terrible person for wanting to live separately from her. House is SSTC but I am stuck finding somewhere to buy because, due to witnessing my mum (her nan) throw tantrums and get upset about is moving, DD is angry with me and refusing to move to another school. I don't want to stay in same town any more, feel need to be further away from mum who I know will still try to interfere between me and DD. I want to move 50 miles away (Shropshire) whch is also nearer my DP. I've found a house which is near good transport links, only 1hr16min train journey back to see my mum if DD wants to visit for the weekend. Also have an opportunity to get DD into really good school (private) as long as I can get bursary - but DD would have to visit and meet with the head and she absolutely refuses to. State schools in the same area (Oswestry) aren't that great and the decent ones in Shrewsbury have no places for September so little point buying house there. DD is extremely bright and musical but not being stretched at current school and losing interest in things she has talent for. She tells me that if I try to make her move schools and away from our town, she will move in with my mum. I have told her this is not an option for her. She has only been at current school for a year and although I know it would be really hard for her to leave her new friends and adjust to a different place, I'm sure she would settle in and be happy somewhere else. The situation is so stressful that I am starting to get lost in the emotional upset of it and wonder how I will sort it all out.
Sorry for long post but am at my wit's end and really struggling to hold it together. I could settle for a house where we live now and leave DD at current school but this will teach her that throwing tanteums and making threats gets you what you want, and means I won't get us away from my mum's negative influence. Help!