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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that a party that starts at 7pm is too late for my 7 month old?

148 replies

Diorissimo1985 · 12/06/2018 18:40

Just that really... getting loads of flak from family as I don't want to take DD to a (not close) relative of DH's 60th party which starts at 7pm. Her bedtime is usually 7.30pm and the party is about an hour's drive away in a church hall. The relative has been in touch to say she is looking forward to seeing us and baby there... AIBU to think that DH can just go on his own? Or am I being a spoilsport?!

OP posts:

Anyonewhoknows · 14/06/2018 14:27

DS1 & 3 I could have taken anywhere. They would either sleep or be quite happy being passed around. Ds2 and dd were a different matter. They practically put themselves into a routine from day 1 and god forbid when I messed it with - which sometimes I had to!
My point being not all babies and children are the same. If you haven't tried it before though maybe give it a go?

RidingMyBike · 14/06/2018 14:30

No way would I have taken mine at that age. She'd have been cranky and upset and ruined the party for everyone else by howling! She just needed to be in bed by 7-7.30. I'd have either left her at home with one of us, or considered hiring a babysitter and going late to it (leaving house after she was asleep).

Mascarponeandwine · 14/06/2018 14:37

Only one of us (dh and I) would’ve gone. My ds’s would’ve cried and flung themselves around with sheer tiredness. If put in the buggy they thrashed about screaming for up to two hours (yes we tried it!). Our family was of the same mindset until they experienced ds2 at the zoo in the buggy without an afternoon nap, screaming, screaming, repeat ad nauseum - they never ever queried our decisions again!

likeacrow · 14/06/2018 15:21

Bertrand
Why have a kid if they aren't going to join in with life?

Because you know they'll only be little for such a relatively short period of time. Because you don't mind making short term sacrifices.

Bluebellsagain · 14/06/2018 15:24

My dd would have slept (probably in a sling) at that age. Is that a possibility?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 14/06/2018 15:39

So those of you who don't take your DCs out at night, at all, due to their bedtime routine, at what stage does that stop? I'm genuinely interested as it does sound so restrictive.

PotOfMemories · 14/06/2018 15:41

He's 2.5 sandy and we haven't found it restrictive at all.

On the rare occasions we do go out of an evening we get a babysitter.

No big deal.

PotOfMemories · 14/06/2018 15:42

I have no objection to taking him out btw, it's just if he's not allowed to sleep by 7.30 he has a total meltdown.

And whoever said it was cultural is talking bollocks as I am Latina and we routinely have kids up past midnight. Leads to a lot of stroppy overtired children.

BertrandRussell · 14/06/2018 15:43

I don't mind making short term- or long term sacrifices for my children. But a family party is a place for families. And babies belong in families.

LuMarie · 14/06/2018 15:48

Your baby, you know best, your choice!

Just say "I can't make it with a baby that small, he/she will be upset and won't settle at that time in the evening, it will be no fun for anyone! Thank you for the invite and looking forward to seeing you all another time soon!"

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/06/2018 15:49

I agree BertrandRussell, I love to to have a cuddle with relatives babies at get togethers, now that mine are all older!

PotOfMemories · 14/06/2018 15:49

Also most family parties in my family take place in the day so my dc doesn't miss out on anything.

likeacrow · 14/06/2018 15:51

BigSandyBalls2015
We'd get a babysitter to come round once she was in bed. I'm really not that fussed though. Maybe because we're only planning on having 1 child but it genuinely doesn't feel like a big thing to just not go to stuff if it'll disrupt DD's routine while she's so young. It's part & parcel of having a kid for me. It's what I expected.

likeacrow · 14/06/2018 15:56

BigSandyBalls2015
Just realised I didn't actually answer your question, sorry. I don't know what age this would change, if at all, as I've no other children & am just doing what I feel is right for us. So I guess I'll play it by ear.

Pengggwn · 14/06/2018 16:33

Putting my baby to bed at 7 might be restrictive for her, but so is not allowing her to go to Glasto. She is 1. She'll have plenty of time for parties.

RidingMyBike · 14/06/2018 16:47

Sandy - she's 2.5 now and has been out once in the evening at a wedding last year - we took her to hotel straight after the pudding had been eaten (before speeches) so she went to bed about an hour later than normal.

It's not at all restrictive. I go out in the evening once or twice a week but wouldn't want to take her with me and we don't have the sort of social life that means we're at lots of evening things. So I don't see how it's restrictive?

RidingMyBike · 14/06/2018 16:51

No idea what age we'd stop doing this - presumably as her bedtime moves later? It was just the same when we were growing up - I don't think we went to any evening type function until we were secondary school age.

We have no extended family so we just don't have evening social events involving multi-generations to go to!

RidingMyBike · 14/06/2018 16:52

And as a huge introvert it's absolutely brilliant having an excuse not to go to things or to leave early ;-)

Bluesmartiesarebest · 14/06/2018 17:02

If the family were keen to have the baby there, the party would be at a time that is more child friendly like lunchtime or afternoon tea. Stick to your DDs routine and send DH on his own.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 14/06/2018 17:07

So those of you who don't take your DCs out at night, at all, due to their bedtime routine, at what stage does that stop? I'm genuinely interested as it does sound so restrictive.

We go out every week but we get a babysitter. Not restrictive at all. I don’t think I’d ever take the kids to evening parties. There’s nothing worse than kids running around screaming when you’re trying to relax with friends.

GeekyBlinders · 14/06/2018 17:48

With us, we started being able to take DS out past his bedtime once he was 18 months or so. Before that he would just have been miserable and made everyone else miserable. Is it so hard for some people to understand that not all babies are alike? Some are more easy going than others, some sleep in cars and prams, some are happy to stay up past 9pm and just slot into their parents’ lives, and some really aren’t like that at all. Neither way means you’re a superior parent.

GeekyBlinders · 14/06/2018 18:00

It wasn’t restrictive because to be honest we were both so tired that we didn’t want to go out at night anyway! We’re quite old and boring but to be honest neither of us are particularly into socialising. So it worked fine for us.

TinyTickler · 14/06/2018 18:01

Its one night. Its obviously important to your family you go. I would, regardless of the age of the child.

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