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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a party that starts at 7pm is too late for my 7 month old?

148 replies

Diorissimo1985 · 12/06/2018 18:40

Just that really... getting loads of flak from family as I don't want to take DD to a (not close) relative of DH's 60th party which starts at 7pm. Her bedtime is usually 7.30pm and the party is about an hour's drive away in a church hall. The relative has been in touch to say she is looking forward to seeing us and baby there... AIBU to think that DH can just go on his own? Or am I being a spoilsport?!

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 13/06/2018 08:49

I'd take my son, and have done. We're in a child-friendly country and this thread is an eye-opener!

My son had zero routine at that age as he didn't want one and didn't thrive with one (sounds weird!). Sometimes he slept in the pushchair, sometimes not. Sometimes he was happy to be passed around, sometimes not. But we never missed family stuff (unless we didn't want to go at all Wink) and DS can now see photos of him as a baby with different members of our families who are no longer with us.

Go for an hour or two, play it by ear. Actually, could you arrive 30 minutes early, catch up with some people, stay an hour and then leave?

BustopherJones · 13/06/2018 09:17

I’m half Irish, Bertrand and I was quite miffed that a newborn was counted as a child, meaning I couldn’t take Dd to a friend’s leaving party at the pub as she would have been in her element- lots of people to hold her and sleeping in the sling when tired. DS evidently has English leanings from his father’s side as he likes to be home from about 4pm Hmm

2018mummy · 13/06/2018 09:21

I have this constantly at the moment, my reply is always; 'please feel welcome to come round at 1am to support when DD is still awake and beside herself at being thrown out of routine by your party/meal/event'

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/06/2018 09:24

I have done similar in the past for weddings and a 21st birthday, it was fine. Lots of people wanted to hold the baby and walk around with them. No big disaster.

Sometimes you have to go with the flow.

sahknowme · 13/06/2018 09:29

If it was my first, no way would I have felt comfortable. On my second, I probably would - let him sleep in his pram.

mamansnet · 13/06/2018 09:37

I did something similar last year with DS when he was 5 months - our group booked out an entire restaurant complete with bagpipes Hmm he was fine. When the noise was about to start he got tired, I took him out and he was fine.

He's now 17 months and last week I had a similar dilemma - 2 late nights in a row. The first night, I took him home early and missed the party. The second night I thought, sod it, let's see what happens. He was in his element, dancing and laughing until he zonked out at 11pm. Other than being tired the next morning, he was absolutely fine.

The truth is that all babies cope differently with this kind of thing, and you'll never know how yours manages until you've tried it!

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 13/06/2018 09:38

I would go but leave after an hour. That way you can go the party but minimise the disruption.

tenpencemixup · 13/06/2018 10:18

We had to decline a similar party in a restaurant when our baby was the same age. She needed at least an hour of boobing in a quiet, dark room, then would wake again for a comfort feed and cuddles, repeated until about midnight. There was no way a babysitter could replicate that routine, and no way she would settle in a noisy restaurant. She is the kind of baby and now toddler who just keeps going even when tired, but gets more and more evil with it. She can't give in. It wouldn't have been fair to other diners, and I would have felt under pressure to keep her quiet. Having other people try to helpfully take her away would have resulted in more screaming and upset. And I didn't want the unsolicited advice from them either.

What I'm trying to say is that you know your child best, and make the decision based.on your experience, not what family, friends or mumsnet members!

lapenguin · 13/06/2018 11:15

You'll only know if they can handle it if you try!
We went camping and they had a little club area on site, ds ran around for ages (about a year and a half old) then fell asleep in his pram for first time in a year. Even with all the noise!
I want my children to be able to adapt to things like this otherwise years of no family parties or holidays (as that could through your child out of routine even more than a few hours one night!) would be boring for me!

likeacrow · 13/06/2018 13:29

Sometimes you have to go with the flow.
No, you don't. I do what I feel is right for my baby. Which is a set bedtime in her own cot wherever possible and with myself or dh putting her to bed.
If other people think that makes me uptight, fuck them so be it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/06/2018 13:37

Well obviously you don't have to go with flow but ime it makes life easier when you have a small baby. Life doesn't stop because you have one you know!

budgiegirl · 13/06/2018 14:06

It totally depends on your child. I have three DC, and any of them would have been ok at that age to go to a party in the evening, as all of them would sleep in prams. We took our DC abroad at that age and would push them round in the buggy until they fell asleep, then go to a restaurant for a meal. Even if they woke up, they were never a problem.

I don't know why mine were easy though. It may have been because we were a little flexible with routine, or we may have just been lucky.

Have you ever tried going out with your little one for an evening? Perhaps do a kind of dummy run before the party to see how things go.

eyycarumba · 13/06/2018 14:07

I've done it, but for a closer relative. I'd go, one night isn't going to spoil her, go until about 9 and she'll be asleep on the way home at the latest.

likeacrow · 13/06/2018 14:12

*GreatDuckCookery

Well obviously you don't have to go with flow but ime it makes life easier when you have a small baby. Life doesn't stop because you have one you know!*

No it doesn't stop, but it changes. I'm happy to make those changes and to fit my life around my DD's needs, rather than her fitting around my life. She's 15 months old now and that works for me.

GeekyBlinders · 13/06/2018 14:15

My DS didn't have a strict bedtime routine before he was six months old, and he slept horribly, waking up every hour or so throughout the night. We instituted a very regimented bedtime routine of bottle, bath and story when he was about 6 months old and he started sleeping through nearly every night. So no way would I have taken him out past his bedtime at 7 months! YANBU.

ThursdayLastWeek · 13/06/2018 14:19

I would straight up be using my 7mo as an excuse not to go to that party. Send DH.

Yokohamajojo · 13/06/2018 14:22

Well if it's a chance for your DHs side of the family to meet your new baby, I'd go! I assume that even though the party is for a distant relative, more close relatives will also be there?

I would also ask myself if I would have gone if it was my side of the family?

My both DCs would have been fine at that age, slept soundly in the car and pram

PumpkinPie2016 · 13/06/2018 17:20

YANBU and it gets me when people say things like 'oh, they will sleep in the buggy', 'they'll be fine because they will sleep on the way there/back'. Only you know your baby and whether these things apply.

For me, they didn't, DS absolutely would not have slept in a buggy at an event. He would have slept in the car and then been massively grumpy from being woken up and when we got home he would have taken hours to settle. Some babies just aren't flexible. My son is now 4 and still.likes his routine.

If you know your baby won't manage then of course DH should go on his own. The family can meet baby at a different time.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 13/06/2018 20:57

You don't want to go. I have been to so many parties where parents bring kids especially when they are babies. You've turned into one of those people, that's all about the kids, and your kids will run rings around you. A kid should fit in with your life. I have cousins though that bring their kids to parties, it's such a drag, the whole focus is on the kid, and parents are still on duty. You have 3 options. 1. go take the kid. 2. stay at home with kid. 3. get a babysitter. My moneys on you chosing 2 for the kid.

Longdistance · 13/06/2018 21:04

I’ve dragged my dds everywhere we go. Parties, celebrations, weddings.

My dds are now portable. We take them everywhere with us. They love it, we live it. Win, win.

When dds were babies they got palmed off onto family, which gave me a break.

corigoo · 13/06/2018 21:55

Yanbu!
My youngest is 7m, no way ho say would i be taking her out at bedtime and disrupting her routine. Tell them you have the shits and send dh x

NotUmbongoUnchained · 13/06/2018 21:58

I’ve never taken either of mine out past their bedtimes! But I know that I’m odd in that sense. The only time that’s happened is when we’ve been at someone’s house so they have gone to bed at their usual time, just in a different bed.

MissDollyMix · 14/06/2018 10:45

YANBU. I would and did take my first to all sorts of parties, get togethers etc all the time. He was an easy baby. Very portable. Even now at 7, we can take him out in the evening, flex his routine around and he just snaps right back. DC2? She was (and is) another matter! She would have been howling the house down and ruined the party for everyone. You know best what your children need, they're all different so it's not fair to compare. If your relative is so desperate to see your baby then make arrangements to see her earlier in the day/another time. Take her a present and have a tea and cake with her at a time that's suitable for everyone.

likeacrow · 14/06/2018 14:01

Mountainsoutofmolehills "a kid should fit in with your life."
Wow.
Why? Why have a kid if you're not prepared for your life to change?

BertrandRussell · 14/06/2018 14:21

"Why? Why have a kid if you're not prepared for your life to change?"

Why have a kid if they aren't going to join in with life?

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