Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a party that starts at 7pm is too late for my 7 month old?

148 replies

Diorissimo1985 · 12/06/2018 18:40

Just that really... getting loads of flak from family as I don't want to take DD to a (not close) relative of DH's 60th party which starts at 7pm. Her bedtime is usually 7.30pm and the party is about an hour's drive away in a church hall. The relative has been in touch to say she is looking forward to seeing us and baby there... AIBU to think that DH can just go on his own? Or am I being a spoilsport?!

OP posts:
pastabest · 12/06/2018 19:36

At that age my DD would have happily stayed awake until about 10pm absolutely wired, before becoming a screaming mess and falling asleep in her car seat on the way home. There is no way she would have fallen asleep in her pram. We would then have had 48 hours of hell afterwards through overtiredness.

Her cousin at the same age would have fallen asleep on a parent's lap in an instant at whatever time she felt tired, but would also happily be put in a pram and fall asleep in the middle of a party.

It completely depends on the child, parents of the first type of 7 month old will understand your reluctance (although tbh I would still probably go if it was something I wanted to attend and suffer the consequences), the parents of the second type won't get why you think it might be a problem.

Notonthestairs · 12/06/2018 19:49

If I really wanted to go I'd do it and accept the consequences. If I didn't want to go I would decline and accept the moaning.

It's an invitation not a summons (no matter what family - who won't be suffering any consequences- might think)

Pengggwn · 12/06/2018 19:53

It wouldn't have worked for us. DD would get incredibly cranky and would by no means go to sleep unless we were at home somewhere quiet.

milliemolliemou · 12/06/2018 19:56

If you feel you should go - try just an hour. That's enough time for one of you to be with your child while the other says hallo and vice versa. Long drive just for that, but you can stay if you think the baby is managing better than you thought they would. I think it's tough on a family if a small baby's nap times etc impact heavily on what the family can/can't do, but everyone will understand surely if you think the fall-out of a night out is going to be too much.

midnightmisssuki · 12/06/2018 19:58

no sorry - i wouldnt go. I get a lot of flak from my family about this - their children stay up till 11pm - some till 1am and they are exhausted the next day. Its not fair on the children really, but its their children so i dont hedge. I dont care if they call me anal (which they have done) - my children are in bed by 7pm, 730pm latest. If not - the grumpiness the next morning is astounding. Oh - and mine never slept in prams either, and neither took a bottle which meant i was constantly feeding them, not at all party ready! :)

Ubercornsdiscoball · 12/06/2018 20:00

We did it with a wedding when my daughter was that age. It was fine.

eggsandwich · 12/06/2018 20:09

I never took my ds to my mil 60th meal as it was a similar time to yours she was really pissed off by this and Dh was angry that I wouldn’t take our ds who was 5 months at the time, Mil only wanted ds there to show him off.

Ds was always a difficult baby and child he’s now a young adult, he never slept in the pram or car was a very unsettled baby, he’s now 18 years old with autism severe learning difficulties and is non verbal so the chances of us all having a lovely meal in a restaurant without him screaming the place down was nil then.

adviceonthepox · 12/06/2018 20:40

YANBU a 7 month old baby in a good routine does not need to be dragged out to a party! I never took my little ones to anything like that or meals out past their bed times as I didn't think it was fair to them or to other people. A fractious tired baby is no fun at the best of times.
DP should just attend and that the end of it unless you can get a sitter.

Slartybartfast · 12/06/2018 20:42

aw - perfectly portable at that age, show her off, she will love the attention.

Rockandrollwithit · 12/06/2018 20:42

YANBU

At that age neither of my babies would sleep quietly in a pram. DS2 is 9 months and I can guarantee he would just scream for about three hours before falling asleep in my arms. No fun for anyone!

PotOfMemories · 12/06/2018 20:48

aw - perfectly portable at that age, show her off, she will love the attention.

Do people who say shit like this not realise that not all babies are the same?

Surfingwhippet · 12/06/2018 20:48

The actual party may be for someone distant but the rest of the guests probably won't be very distant and DH will probably enjoy seeing them.

If your DD had a nap in the afternoon would she stay awake a bit later than usual do you could go for a while

PotOfMemories · 12/06/2018 20:50

If your DD had a nap in the afternoon would she stay awake a bit later than usual do you could go for a while

Most 7 month olds would have an afternoon nap and still require a fairly early bedtime. At that age my ds was sleeping 9am-10am, 1pm-3pm and 7-6 overnight.

likeacrow · 12/06/2018 20:51

PotOfMemories
Do people who say shit like this not realise that not all babies are the same?
Couldn't have put it better myself. Infuriating!

Lunde · 12/06/2018 21:00

I think you need to decide what you are comfortable with. The party will be noisy - is there going to be music/Disco? One of my DDs would have been fine at 7 months at a party and the other would have screamed the place down.

Tulipsinbloom · 12/06/2018 21:22

I have a 6 month old and definitely wouldn't go, especially not for such a distant relative. My son would only sleep in the buggy for 45mins maximum (and not at all in a noisy party I'd say). He'd then be hyper with overtiredness and be a nightmare to get to sleep when we got home! Not worth it

Slartybartfast · 12/06/2018 21:28

Oh my opinion is shit? Ffs all agree with the op, never have a different view point I get it Angry

PotOfMemories · 12/06/2018 21:32

Er no slarty, what I said is people need to be mindful that not all babies are the same.

Slartybartfast · 12/06/2018 21:34

Do what you like op [SHRUGS] you will be happier not going

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 12/06/2018 21:50

Thanks everyone - will chat it through with DH when he is home... I reckon we might brave it and if it's a disaster never do anything like it again!! Ha!

OP posts:
DazzlingMilton · 12/06/2018 21:55

Up to you whether baby goes or not, but nothing is stopping at least one of you going. As it’s DH’s relative if you don’t want to go and want to stay home that’s fine (although you could manage), but for him not to go at all would be pretty lame. It’s not like you both have to be there to look after a 7m old. I’d be inclined to let DH go by himself and stay locally to the party and enjoy it!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 12/06/2018 21:59

Well, it’s up to you, but I’m a firm believer in fitting baby around what you want to do rather than fitting everything round baby.

Absolutely disagree about ‘keeping a baby up’ means you’re ‘showing off’ and then obviously too stupid to understand why it’s difficult to get them to sleep the day after as one poster suggests Hmm. In my experience those babies that have had a degree of flexibility are much more adaptable (and their parents less stressed) than those that don’t.

I mean it’s up to you, but unless you have to get up early the following day, it might be nice to go for a couple of hours, she will probably sleep in the pram even if she doesn’t normally as she’s tired. And you can all nap together the next day! Grin

PotOfMemories · 12/06/2018 22:06

In my experience those babies that have had a degree of flexibility are much more adaptable (and their parents less stressed) than those that don’t.

Well I spent six months trying to be flexible with my son before I relented and let him have his routine. He became a different child overnight. Much less stress all round.

SnapCards · 12/06/2018 22:06

That'd be a no from me! I never took my babies out after their bedtimes, still don't. What on earth will a 7mo get from being dragged out to a party?

MIL recently said we should have brought our young DC out with us to a family meal. We didn't leave until about 11pm! My SIL whom was silly enough to listen to MIL's demands spent the evening trying to comfort a tired, miserable 12mo.

I on the other hand had a lovely evening!

DH can go on his own, your MIL's cousin's party won't be ruined because of the absence
of a baby.

londonrach · 12/06/2018 22:08

I did with dd at that age. Now as a toddler...forget it. Go op enjoy this as next year it be harder with a toddler. Stat an hour or two make your excuses. People will understand and youve made the effect.