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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a party that starts at 7pm is too late for my 7 month old?

148 replies

Diorissimo1985 · 12/06/2018 18:40

Just that really... getting loads of flak from family as I don't want to take DD to a (not close) relative of DH's 60th party which starts at 7pm. Her bedtime is usually 7.30pm and the party is about an hour's drive away in a church hall. The relative has been in touch to say she is looking forward to seeing us and baby there... AIBU to think that DH can just go on his own? Or am I being a spoilsport?!

OP posts:
RedForFilth · 12/06/2018 22:09

Go for it OP! If she is grumpy/tired the next day it's just one day and there's two of you so you can both have breaks. You shouldn't stop doing things after having kids, I hope you all have a fab time!

brainepson · 12/06/2018 22:10

You are being the precious mother of a PFB - a baby doesn't care, will sleep anywhere and you should just go.

brainepson · 12/06/2018 22:11

And yes you are being a complete spoilsport

DailyMailFail101 · 12/06/2018 22:12

I agree with you OP! I wouldn’t be taking my nine month and tbh I wouldn’t take my four year old either, stuff what anybody else says it’s your baby and you know what’s right for you and your family!

MuddyForestWalks · 12/06/2018 22:16

brainepson is another person who cannot grasp that different babies are different. As I said above, my DS (DC2, not a pfb) had very firm ideas about where he wanted to be at what he decided was bedtime from a very young age. I might have been a bit of a spoilsport inflicting a screaming miserable baby on party goers.

NapQueen · 12/06/2018 22:19

I wouldnt have with dc1 as they werent at all happy to sleep in buggy/arms/lay on some chairs. However dc2 was a different kettle of fish and id have done it no bother.

However regardless of that, no way would I be letting others tell me what to do. You dont want to go you dont go. Dh can go.

PatchworkElmer · 12/06/2018 22:20

DS wouldn’t have settled at a party at 7 months- he had very firm ideas about where he should sleep (in his cot, in his bedroom). I would’ve made my excuses.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/06/2018 22:21

Agree it depends on your baby. It’s easy for people to say “it’s fine, come” but they won’t be the ones up all night with a grumpy baby if you have a baby like mine that is easily over stimulated and can’t nod off anywhere.

fabulous01 · 12/06/2018 22:27

I have twins and I have a routine
But we once went to a wedding party. My cousins and she chose the date of when we would be in her country so we had to go
Girls were really good. They got handed around and loved it. We left about 10 and they slept and we transferred them straight to bed. My advice is that go with the flow. Change baby into bad clothes when you are leaving Venue and yes it will upset routine for a few days but it will sort itself out

But, if you don't want to go don't. Motherhood is hard enough so do what feels right for you

mirime · 12/06/2018 22:34

Totally up to you, there is no being unreasonable either way.

At seven months we took DS away to celebrate my DPs wedding anniversary, we had a lovely evening meal out. We all had a lovely time, and it wasn't unreasonable to go, but it wouldn't have been unreasonable to not go either.

whoopsiedaisies · 12/06/2018 22:34

I don't think YABU at all- you're thinking of your baby and what will suit them best, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all, you're just being a good mummy!
If you're like me you probably wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy the party yourself if your baby is there too as you'll be worrying about them!

NoLongerAskedForID · 12/06/2018 22:36

Ugh that is a constant battle I have with my seven month old

I want him to be in his bed, for his bedtime that he has somehow set himself

People that advise otherwise do not understand because a) they're childless b) they had children so long so they conveniently forgot many things c) they have the holy grail - a child that sleeps happily anywhere. (I always secretly hope those in group c - if they're smug - have another, not so easy child).

Ultimately, you have to suffer the consequences of an over tired baby, nobody else (dh aside)

BustopherJones · 12/06/2018 22:47

Dd was very portable and would have loved a bunch of new people to meet. Ds is much more of a homebody, and has been right from the start. Luckily I had them in that order.

Even early evening I’d be spending all my time just trying to settle him and it wouldn’t be a fun evening. I look forward to reminding him of this when he’s telling me his curfew is so unfair as a teenager.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 12/06/2018 23:52

Pot all my kids had routines but they weren’t so rigid I would have missed a one off something like this (that I wanted to go to - don’t think OP does) because it put them out of a routine.

But like I said, just my experience.

Fruitcorner123 · 12/06/2018 23:58

I wouldn't take her if she doesnt sleep.in the pram but then my in lawa wouldn't expect me to. There are two threads like this at the moment, why do extended families think they have the right to tell you how to parent your child?

Just do what's right for your baby. Dont let them put pressure on you to go against your instincts.

likeacrow · 13/06/2018 06:10

Oh my opinion is shit? Ffs all agree with the op, never have a different view point I get it
Wow. Missing the point. Chill.

likeacrow · 13/06/2018 06:15

I really don't agree with this making the babies fit round you business that some PPs have been coming out with. My DD needs a routine, so do we as her parents!
I'm happy to fit around her, not the other way round. She's the priority. Maybe because I had her at 35 and feel like I've done plenty of partying etc I don't see this as a big sacrifice.

Not judging others who want to do it differently but there's nothing wrong with NOT making your baby fit round you either. Doesn't make you dull or uptight!

Pengggwn · 13/06/2018 06:30

brainepson

Maybe that was true of your babies, it certainly wasn't of mine. Keeping her out anywhere after 6pm would result in hours of screaming. Who wants to go to a party accompanied by a screaming baby? Who wouldn't think, bloody hell, put that baby in bed?

TurquoiseDress · 13/06/2018 06:36

For me personally, we would've just taken our LO along at age 7 months- they happily slept in the pushchair, after having cuddles then milk etc.

It's a bit different for a school age child who needs to be in bed early/get a decent amount of sleep to function they next day!

I wouldn't miss a 60th of a relative on account of missing my 7month old's bedtime.

But for us, we tended to fit the baby around us and our activities when they were in their first year- as opposed to planning everything around their sleep/meals.

I was much happier to go with the flow, DH & I got out and about to see friends/go to social events & LO just fitted it with all of that.

But it's up to you and what you are comfortable with!

BertrandRussell · 13/06/2018 06:37

Up to you, of course, but I took mine to everything-they slept in slings and prams and on laps and on a little futon mattress in a corner. But I think there's a cultural element to this-I'm half Irish, half Italian, so babies and children are expected to join in.

TurquoiseDress · 13/06/2018 06:44

Just to add- do either you or your partner have to be up early/somewhere at a specific time the day?

If so, I understand wanting to keep to routine & not be out late.
But if not, why not just enjoy an evening out together?

Also, is it a party you actually want to go to?

If not, fair enough make your excuses and don't go.

user1471426142 · 13/06/2018 06:45

I wouldn’t have at that age. My daughter needed her cot and was (and still is) a brilliant sleeper and was a total grouch if she didn’t get her sleep. When she was 11 months old we went on holiday and everyone said she’d sleep in the buggy and we’d go to dinner. For us that was a load of rubbish. Tried it one night and she was wired, stayed up until 10 and didn’t sleep at all. Next day she was horrendously moody as she didn’t have the sleep she needed. For the rest of the holiday we were on our normal routine. I know anecdotes don’t make facts but all of my friends with fairly rigid routines have had good sleepers. Sleep makes me happy so I’m very happy to prioritise routine.

Tartsamazeballs · 13/06/2018 08:15

I wouldn't go, our little girl was a horrible sleeper and bedtime routine was so important for her eventually learning how to go the fuck to sleep.

StopCloudSeeding · 13/06/2018 08:30

I wouldn't take her. If she's upset and crying it will spoil the party and the chances of her getting any sleep is unlikely as people will want to hold her. Been there, done that!

greendale17 · 13/06/2018 08:42

As PPs said, the baby will sleep in her pram.

^My DS NEVER slept in his pram. And I mean never.