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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that a party that starts at 7pm is too late for my 7 month old?

148 replies

Diorissimo1985 · 12/06/2018 18:40

Just that really... getting loads of flak from family as I don't want to take DD to a (not close) relative of DH's 60th party which starts at 7pm. Her bedtime is usually 7.30pm and the party is about an hour's drive away in a church hall. The relative has been in touch to say she is looking forward to seeing us and baby there... AIBU to think that DH can just go on his own? Or am I being a spoilsport?!

OP posts:

MaryShelley1818 · 12/06/2018 18:56

I would have taken DS as a newborn but now he’s 6mths I wouldn’t as he’s a nightmare when tired and goes to sleep at 7.30/8ish. I wouldn’t mind staying out a bit later but wouldn’t actually take him out at bedtime.
I’d happily ask my mam to watch him though.

chipsandgin · 12/06/2018 18:57

We took our seven month old to a wedding in Spain - we were dancing until 4am with him fast asleep in a pushchair. I'd grab every moment you can before he's mobile to do stuff like that - from 1year to around 5years you have to keep your eyes on them every single second out and about, they want your attention, you can barely finish a sentence. Mine are much older, so a long way out the other side and I would think the same as the relatives are (which if we're honest is probably that you're being a bit PFB, sorry!)

I wouldn't be precious about bedtimes either, kids need to be adaptable and fit round you - one late or disrupted night won't make a blind bit of difference to your baby but not going will affect your relationship with your DH's family.

If you, however actually think it sounds boring and want to use the baby as an excuse & don't mind the relatives being put out, then go right ahead (that I would do!!).

notacooldad · 12/06/2018 18:59

If we did go, what would be a reasonable amount of time to stay without seeming rude? Would an hour be too short
Who know! You could get there and baby is fine and you are enjoying being out socialising.

We just went with the flow.

SuperSharpShooter82 · 12/06/2018 19:00

I wouldn't have at 7 months because DD would have been a nightmare and I wouldn't have enjoyed it. Also I didn't leave her with a babysitter until last week - she's 18 months. Do what you feel comfortable with. What works for you and your baby is best.

PicaK · 12/06/2018 19:01

Ignore your relatives - especially if they come out with the "it's only one night" line. Because if it messes the baby's sleep up you might be paying for it for months!

catintheworld · 12/06/2018 19:03

I would have gone. But I was never one for a tight routine, I am flexible and relaxed but the downside of that is my timekeeping is not great.

Some people prefer structure and are happier when in control of what happens. That's ok too.

Do what feels right for you and your family.

mellicauli · 12/06/2018 19:08

Your job is to act in the best interests of your child. I can think of lots of reason why it wouldn't be (messing up routine, putting you under pressure, too many people, too noisy, long boring car journey). If you asked her, what would she say. No thanks, I suspect!

I am sure you wouldn't catch them going to a party that started 30 minutes before their bedtime, so why should they expect your daughter to? Completely unreasonable in asking her to do something they wouldn't do themselves!

PuppetOnAString · 12/06/2018 19:10

If we’re out late we just get the DC ready for bed, they fall asleep in the car and then we transfer them straight in to bed when we get home. So that’s what I would do. Only you know if something like that might work.

Kittykat93 · 12/06/2018 19:10

To those saying the baby will sleep in the pram - my baby wouldn't ! OP I also have a 7 month old and if it wasn't a close relative then I wouldn't attend the party. It's totally up to you.

cliffdiver · 12/06/2018 19:11

I would try taking DD out for a meal (or similar) past her bedtime and see how she responds.

My DD1 would have been okay, but DD2 would be an overtired mess by by 7.30pm. She still would be aged 4!

Cornettoninja · 12/06/2018 19:11

I think we took dd to a couple of family parties around that age and she enjoyed them till probably about 9pmish.

I wouldn't have even attempted it with an hours drive at that time though to be honest. She was/is rigid enough to want to be asleep once she's out for the night and would have dropped off having that long in the car then been pissed off and grumpy.

It'd be different if you could push a later nap and keep her awake.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 12/06/2018 19:13

Both mine were good sleepers and we had a bedtime routine. No way would I sacrifice a party for a good nights sleep.

0lgaDaPolga · 12/06/2018 19:13

It really depends on the baby. I know some babies who would quite happily stay up later and enjoy being passed around, or just fall asleep in their prams. My son is not one of those babies. Unless he is in bed at his usual time he is a nightmare and would continue to be the following day. Given that you sound like you don’t want to go and it’s not actually a close relative I’d say don’t go and most reasonable people would understand why

Di11y · 12/06/2018 19:14

If you wanted to go I'd say risk it. But you clearly aren't bothered so stay home!

Aeroflotgirl · 12/06/2018 19:15

Exactly, mine woukd not sleep with the noise, only preferred cot to sleep in. Woukd sleep an hour at push in the pram, but woukd wake with the noise and music and be cranky. If you can't find a sitter, I would stay behind.

MuddyForestWalks · 12/06/2018 19:18

I kept DS out late a few times, thinking he would fall asleep in the car or pram. He does in the daytime. Turns out that at night time he has decided he needs to be in a cot, and screams his fucking head off for a long long time until he is in it. Driving back from the beach last summer, driving back from PILs last Boxing Day. Two epic nerve shredding scream fests.

So it does depend on the baby!

BoomBoomsCousin · 12/06/2018 19:19

At 7 months old I wouldn't have done it because anything that disturbed our DT's routine meant a week trying to get them back into it. And we were just too exhausted to make that ever seem worthwhile!

It sounds a bit like they want you to take DD so they can see her and/or show her off. This can be good. It's part of what makes strong extended family bonds, but it's not the only thing. YANBU to go or to not go. Just think about what you get out of it (in terms of fun and relationships) and what it will cost (in terms of exhaustion mostly, assuming you quite like the people who will be there) and make a decision. It's not going to harm anyone to have disturbed sleep for a while, but it isn't going to be pleasant either. But if you can find a way to be flexible about the routine and encourage DD to sleep other than in her cot it may open up other things you can do too.

RedForFilth · 12/06/2018 19:20

I'd do it. I still do it now my son's three. He's entertained by people and will stay wide awake til late. The next day is a bit hellish but it's important to me to see family and have a social life especially being a single parent. We just take it steady the next day!

cadburyegg · 12/06/2018 19:22

I wouldn’t take a small baby to a party like that tbh. What will a 7 month old get out from attending a milestone birthday party for an adult?

Those parents who are desperate to keep their old pre-baby lives as intact as possible insist on dragging their young babies and toddlers out to late parties. Then, the following night, they complain that their babies won’t go down til 10pm. The ones that are very strict about their child’s sleep routine often (not always) have better sleepers, even if they come across as a bit precious. Find a balance

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2018 19:25

My dd may have slept in that situation but no guarantees. I ended up leaving a party at the neighbours house when she was 4 months but managed to get her to sleep another time more easily at 6 months. She was never a child, who would just drop off in the pushchair. If you do decide to go and get your dd to sleep, I would ensure you make it clear she’s sleeping and not to be disturbed. You do need to have a back up plan and be prepared to leave if your dd screams. I don’t think you need to stay a long time but if your dh wants to stay all evening, I’d stay at home tbh.

Crunchymum · 12/06/2018 19:25

My DC1 needed routine at that age so it would have been a no, although to be fair DC1 would have settled in his pram. DC2 didn't sleep, she was great at family do's

QueenOfMyWorld · 12/06/2018 19:26

If at all possible I'd get a trusted babysitter. You'll enjoy it more and her routine won't be disturbed

LilMadAgain · 12/06/2018 19:27

If this random 60th birthday gal/guy is so looking forward to seeing baby and actually cares about baby they will make an effort to come and see you at a more baby friendly hour won't they

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2018 19:29

Muddy.
Yes, just seen your post. Whenever we kept dd up even much older than this, we had massive scream fests on the way home before she fell asleep. Then if she woke up on transfer from the car to her bed woe betide us, she wouldn’t sleep for the next 4 hours. This was maybe from 2 onwards. Cue eyes on stalks!

blackteasplease · 12/06/2018 19:30

It's entirely up to you and whether you want to go or not! Just because you physically could take your baby and some people would doesn't mean you have to.

If the idea makes you anxious, don't do it.

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