Why are women dependent on benefits viewed as lesser than those dependent on men?

[Miladamermalada]

Just that really.
Women, usually single parents are viewed as total scum when they rely on benefits to live.
Women who are funded by their husbands are seen as morally superior.
Both women are dependent on an outside source-why is their value decided by what source of income they have?
Most families receive tax credits which are also a benefit. So many of the UK parent population are dependent on public money.
Thinking specifically of the Radford situation and the recent thread on their proposed receipt of tax credits (this may not be true but was suggested by a poster.)
Sue is seen as a wholesome mother with a wonderful family and good marriage.
If she were not married she'd be a breeding scrounger.
In both situations she'd be doing the same job-raising children and doing the wifework
AIBU to be pissed off at this disparity?

Easy. Because women are judged for any and every choice they make.

Dependent on a man? You lazy scrounger! Dependent on the state? You lazy scrounger! Going out to work? Selfish cow! Why would you bother having kids if you’re just going to shove them in childcare? Choosing to remain childfree? Poor sad harridan - who’ll look after you when you’re old? Chose to delay motherhood until slightly later in life? Selfish cow - don’t be an oooold mum - you’ll have trouble conceiving and your baby will be disabled. Had children early? Feckless - you should have established yourself first - and did you get to know your partner properly?

Snore.

Most families receive tax credits which are also a benefit

Do you have the statistics for that?
As I said, I’m a SAHM and we don’t receive anything, including child benefit.

Neither do we, Dora. We've never had tax credits. We used to get Child Benefit before the universality of it was ended.

I actually work for myself at home but as people don't see me "going out to work" they probably assume i'm not working.

In 2014 about 40% of working families with children received tax credits.

40% of working families with children received tax credits.

To be fair, the SNP have been banging on that 45% is a majority for years.....

Thank you @sleepyblueocean - yes, a lot of people do get credits but most families with children do not, and even for a die hard labour voter like me it can be a bit galling to be working so bloody hard and realise that there are people who just aren't (even if you know, really, that life on benefits is not easy and that in the long run working does pay off). Especially as I've been a SAHM as well as working mother, and it was so much easier and more enjoyable when I wasn't juggling all the time.

I read it as 40% of working families are not being paid a decent wage.

You have to be a particularly smug asshole to be a SAHM (or anyone who doesn’t work) to look down on the millions of single parents who go out to work every day for a pittance and raise their children single-handedly with no physical help from anyone. If they get tax credits to top up their pay, so what? They are working harder than anyone and deserve to be able to pay their bills and feed their children.

If you don’t work, you cannot judge parents who do work. Working single mothers are teaching your children in schools, caring for your children hospitals, serving you in a shops and restaurants, keeping the system going and supporting you in more ways than you can imagine. If they are not being paid what they should be paid, that is not their fault. The system is flawed, but we all have to live in it and not everyone is born lucky.

@PenelopeChipShop I get that, but you also get single parents that manage to work and bring up kids - your comment on wraparound care etc is equally judgemental on them...

@sleepyblueocean if you have 2 DCs and childcare requirements, for example, you can still get child tax credits up a household income of £55k a year. For most of the UK that would be a pretty comfortable income.
I still totally support this, as making sure people who want to work don't have to drop out to cover childcare seems like a very sensible use of tax payer money, however it doesn't follow that everyone who gets tax credits is underpaid.

Because it’s a joint income normally with the person you had a child with the state did not make anyone pregnant at least not the uk

And a choice would have been made usallybthe husband can only work if the wife concededs some of her job

Tbh I find the op quite offensive
My sister is a carer for a disabled child. She can’t work outside the home because his school expect a pickup within 30 mins ( happens several times a week ) if he wets/ soils himself/ has a meltdown/ throws up etc etc plus the bus that took him to school has been withdrawn due to cuts
She is a single mum who is dependant on benefits - marriage broke down due to stress ( of said child plus other things)
Dad won’t contribute financially

Is she somehow inferior? She didn’t choose any of this

Namechange128

@sleepyblueocean if you have 2 DCs and childcare requirements, for example, you can still get child tax credits up a household income of £55k a year

Is that definitely right? Or does it depend on the amount of childcare you have?

tbf I get more annoyed at my tax being used to pay HB for landlords.

Because it's the family income and their decision to have a child that they can afford and as opposed to having a child that you can't afford and expecting the tax payer to fund it? Benefits should be a safety net in unexpected circumstances not a life choice.

Cannot put it any better than @PenelopeChipShop

The thing I don't get, is why some people talk about access to social care for the elderly as sacrosanct as they've "paid in all their lives" then with the same breath talk about how their dear old mum never worked a day in their life because they were looking after their kids "like women should".

It's usually Daily Fail readers of a certain age tbf.

Pisses me right off.

@madsiemoomoo I am not judging anyone, unlike most people on this thread! I use wrap around care! And my ds moans about it. I don’t think my arrangements are perfect, I understand how hard it is for everyone. But neither am I going to sit here as a working single mum (who does it only bc of having a certain amount of support that others don’t) and judge those who ‘choose’ to stay on benefits for a while while their dc are young in order to benefit the Children who are the real ‘victims’ (for want of a better word) of relationship breakdown.

I understand why they do it. They are putting their dc first and think that having a sahm will help them, at least for a while and at least while they’re very young. And if they’ve decided that then they’re probably right. Ffs being a single mum on benefits is in NO way an easy option. I haven’t done it - we don’t have money worries thank goodness - but I can tell it isn’t! I don’t find my life easy and that’s without using food Banks, not having money to take the kids out etc.

I just want people to have some compassion instead of blaming single mothers for social ills!

Because it's the family income and their decision to have a child that they can afford and as opposed to having a child that you can't afford and expecting the tax payer to fund it? Benefits should be a safety net in unexpected circumstances not a life choice

Sigh. The majority of single parents were once married or in a long term relationship. They had children they could afford at the time but unfortunately had neglected to buy a fully functioning crystal ball that would predict the future some 5, 10, 15, or more years down the line. Most single parents are using benefits as a safety net. It is not a life choice.

But go ahead, you judge us and keep on judging us.

WHy aren't fathers paying for their children?

Why is it considered, even on this thread, that SAHM's who are also single parents are lazy? Parenting young children is hard!

WHy aren't fathers paying for their children?
Why do people ask the mothers this question?

oh i agree 100% op. i am looked down on and seen as scum. im a single parent to 4 (ex is absent) and im also a carer to my disabled child. yet im still seen as scum.

loads of exes dont pay. my ex didnt pay a penny for 6 years. now he pays £13 a fortnight

Why is it considered, even on this thread, that SAHM's who are also single parents are lazy? Parenting young children is hard!

according to my sister it must be lovely staying at home all day "doing nothing except the school run."

Personally this pisses me off.

If people claim CB even if EVERYONE is entitled to it. It still means you are claiming a tax payer funded benefit.

Claim 0 benefits, including CB & Tax credits and then sit on your high horse looking down on those who do. (Not you op I mean people who do this).

People view me as worth less than dependent mothers because my ex fucked off and left the state to fund me and my DS. Is that my problem?? Nope it's his. Maybe if guys had consequences then they wouldn't do it.