Why are women dependent on benefits viewed as lesser than those dependent on men?

[Miladamermalada]

Just that really.
Women, usually single parents are viewed as total scum when they rely on benefits to live.
Women who are funded by their husbands are seen as morally superior.
Both women are dependent on an outside source-why is their value decided by what source of income they have?
Most families receive tax credits which are also a benefit. So many of the UK parent population are dependent on public money.
Thinking specifically of the Radford situation and the recent thread on their proposed receipt of tax credits (this may not be true but was suggested by a poster.)
Sue is seen as a wholesome mother with a wonderful family and good marriage.
If she were not married she'd be a breeding scrounger.
In both situations she'd be doing the same job-raising children and doing the wifework
AIBU to be pissed off at this disparity?

Benefits are a safety net, however all these "financially dependent" mothers who sit there yapping on about single mothers, who are having to raise kids on benefits, are the same ones who could become single mothers at ANY point.

Mumsnet is PROOF!

It’s a good question.

Personally I think it’s because society, deep down, dislikes heaping opprobrium on men. Even deadbeat dads, adulterers, violent men and men who abandon their children. So woman are made the scapegoats, despite the fact that (95% of the time) they are the ones doing all the work in the wake of a split.

It isn’t just single mothers that need to claim state support that are denigrated either, it’s all single mothers, one way or the other; Fault is found whatever they choose to do or are obliged to do.

Single fathers, OTOH, are widely lauded and pandered to, no matter how inept.

WHy aren't fathers paying for their children?

Because as a society we don’t force them to pay.

We could easily do as other countries do, and arrest non-payers; Make if a criminal matter. But, you know, the they are usually men. So we prefer to stone the women.

WHy aren't fathers paying for their children?Why do people ask the mothers this question?

Exactly. Because...misogyny. It’s our fault. We should have had those crystal balls polished and ready.

Fault is found whatever they choose to do or are obliged to do

Ah yes. My children first in breakfast club and last out of after school club...could you work less? I work less...why are you making the tax payer responsible? I work more...your poor, poor children, why is your career more important? I work a full time job and put in additional hours in the evening and am still entitled to Tax Credits....you need to work harder/you need to earn more/you’re expecting the tax payer to fund your choices....

I frequently laugh myself silly at school run mum’s who tie themselves up in knots trying to make me feel bad. So many people with sod all better to do with their lives than judge.

Haven't read the full thread but I think it's because a person on benefits is relying on the taxpayer and it irks when you work hard only give a significant percentage to the state of which a large proportion funds people who don't work.
If a person is relying on a man, it doesn't affect me financially so I have no opinion either way.

If I'm supporting you (through my tax) then yes, I most certainly judge people who see the welfare state as a way of life. (Not those that use it as a short term safety net).

Im not aware of any previous posts but love this OP. I'd never actually thought of this in terms of that disparity.
I'm a single parent of 3 children. The youngest is 3 and will be starting nursery in September. I'm currently not working but am a highly trained Practice Nurse. I get maintenance and benefits. The reason I'm not working is that if I went back to work now, the government would give me 70% of my childcare costs plus working tax credits and I don't see why they should pay someone else to do my job for me which is looking after my children. I'd actually get more from the government if I was working which is crazy. My older two helped my decision by saying how I was always there for them. Their dad is only interested in seeing them when it's convenient for him. I'm there consistently every day. I did have a job when I fell pregnant but my job wasn't waiting for me when I returned from maternity leave so I decided to stay off until LO went to nursery. I've paid into the system for many years and will be giving back once LO is at nursery. I didn't choose to be a single mum-my husband fucked off with another woman and my LOs dad didn't want our baby. My LO has only seen him once which was his choice. People can judge all they want but I'm doing what's right for my family.

A SAHP (single or not) that claims benefits rather than working is a cost to the state. We should never have got to the point of letting people have children and then opt out of supporting them.

A SAHP that doesn't claim benefits but relies on their partners income is better in the sense that they may be costing less now (still using services and paying no tax) however their are contributing to the economy and when the relationship breaks down (given current divorce rates) they end up on benefits anyway as they have no recent experience or work ethic to offer an employer.

Far to easy to blame NRP but its not that simple. Both should be supporting the child not just one. It should be illegal to have a child and not work to support them.

Having a child is a huge decision yet some just jump into it despite not being able to finance the decision, barely knowing the other person, no security of home etc. Easier to blame everyone else than look closer to home and accept the poor decision making and taking steps to correct.

Some people have a really simplistic view of being a single working parent.

If life as a single mother on benefits was so easy, we’d all be doing it. Would you rather survive on benefits or have the taxes you paid given to someone who isn’t worthy enough for you?

Is jail time for deadbeat Dads not a thing in the UK? 🤔

No Leigh. There are theoretical powers to rescind the passports and driving licenses of non-payers but they’re never actually used (as policy) in case the men get stressed.

When they brought in a new body 25 years ago to collect CM, there were teething troubles and some fathers got hit with paypacket attachments of 70%+. Sadly a few of those men committed suicide.

Since then everything’s tipped very much the other way and it is considered paramount not to upset the dads even slightly. (Despite various collection safeguards and adjustments to the formula which make CM quite low.)

Oh, I guess it depends on who you talk to.

Lots of different views on the subject.

Have been both a single parent at one time, and also a “kept” woman.

Equally judged, just by different people.

Maybe everyone should just keep their nose out of what isn’t their business though, I think as a society we love to stick the knife into each other.

The thing is though what about the mothers out there who are considering suicide due to benefit cuts and sanctions.
because I'm sure there must be some
Do the government fawn over them,
do they hell.

Course not, because women.

That's not to say I don't have sympathy for the men. However Im just morbidly curious
as to why the Government feel such contempt for single mothers.
I hate to say this but will they start waking up if are ":enough" suicides on their watch.

I agree that some people do look down on single mothers as scrounges while sahp are fine even though they don’t work. I think it is our attitude to women - a single mum is not being “controlled” by a man - she is taking money from the state and living without a mans control or input.

I am a higher earner and have paid plenty tax in my time. Yet when I took some time off as a single parent to look after my dcs I got no end of criticism from my family (many of whom have probably never paid the tax I have paid some years in their lifetime). It’s not as simple as single mums on benefits only take out and sahp have a husband so they are paying in. Whether someone is a net contributor or not depends on their whole working life. Also if the sahps husband’s tax is her, so is the single parents baby daddy’s. neither could work without the women’s contribution. we should recognise that if someone is doing a disproportionate amount of work even if that work is unpaid.

I don't think most families get tax credits, OP

Hang on, we had Kellie and Suzanna. Where did Phillipa come into it? Edit fail pp?

Looking at how much tax someone has paid isn’t an indicator of anything. People doing essential, difficult work for low wages will look like net takers from the system, yet we need people in those essential roles, and when the work is hard and unpleasant it’s not as if people are doing it for the satisfaction of the job.

Haha yeah. I was going to call her Phillippa but changed my mind at the last hour and forgot to self edit correctly

Bustopher - the argument otherwise seems to be that single mothers are paying in, just taking out. I don’t agree financial contribution to the state is irrelevant particularly not when we are talking about attitudes to financial help from the state. If I have to pay taxes when I am earning, why am I judged for applying for benefits I am entitled to and have paid for when I am not.

Interchangeable names aww

Apologies to any Philippas and susannas

Jojo - maybe I could be paying less tax now if all those sahp were at work paying their share? Maybe that irks me.

maybe I could be paying less tax now if all those sahp were at work paying their share? Maybe that irks me

zsazsajuju thereby creating greater demand for 30 hours funded nursery, with the knock on effect of increased tax burden?

Because that's a family unit supporting itself. The working parent is also part of the family and they support each other- financially and with childcare.
I don't have a problem with women claiming benefits but I do believe that they shouldn't have to and that men should support their children enough and have their children enough that women don't need to claim. It shouldn't be dependent on if you are in a relationship that you support your child.