Why are women dependent on benefits viewed as lesser than those dependent on men?

[Miladamermalada]

Just that really.
Women, usually single parents are viewed as total scum when they rely on benefits to live.
Women who are funded by their husbands are seen as morally superior.
Both women are dependent on an outside source-why is their value decided by what source of income they have?
Most families receive tax credits which are also a benefit. So many of the UK parent population are dependent on public money.
Thinking specifically of the Radford situation and the recent thread on their proposed receipt of tax credits (this may not be true but was suggested by a poster.)
Sue is seen as a wholesome mother with a wonderful family and good marriage.
If she were not married she'd be a breeding scrounger.
In both situations she'd be doing the same job-raising children and doing the wifework
AIBU to be pissed off at this disparity?

When a random person decides to be a SAHP, it has no effect on anyone but her immediate family. When a random person is claiming benefits, for any reason, every taxpayer in the country can, if so minded, regard themselves as being robbed to support that person.

Women are expected to bear the cost of maintaining population.

We should have childcare of all sorts and types available to all like school places. That way women wouldnt be shamed for having a child.

Men are rarely as affected financially and rarely if ever shamed.

I didn't realise that my reliance on tax credits to work in my job that nets a fair amount of GVA to the economy made me scum.

I shall phone up absent father who has not seen or paid for dd in 3 years to tell him about my scummage.

I am a SAHP. My husband does not "fund" me. He supports us as a family just as me being a SAHP supports him being able to work the hours he does.

We do not claim money from the state but neither do I judge those that do.

The question no one ever thinks to ask in these ‘debates’ is what’s best for the CHILDREN. No child asks for their parents’ relationship to break down. Many single mums started out married and/or a SAHP. What changed was their relationship status. Maybe that was their decision, maybe it wasnt. Either way, why should their children pay?

Should their children spend long hours in wraparound childcare or with a low-paid au pair, for example, so their mother can work for a pittance and be able to say ‘i’m not on benefits’? Should preschoolers miss their mother, primary age children lack someone to help with homework etc, and a mother Work herself to point of utter exhaustion just so that she is totally self sufficient and not accepting any ‘help’ from the state?

Welfare is there for a reason, to show compassion to those in the worst of circumstances, poverty, heartbreak, recovery from DV. It’s so easy to judge from the secure position of a happy marriage. Those who do should try to understand how quickly life can change for anybody.

Also it would be necessary for employers to be financially incentivised to recruit mothers whi have been cornered out of workplace

@buddhasbelly
I shall phone up absent father who has not seen or paid for dd in 3 years
But why the hell do you let him get away with this? Sure in a perfect world it wouldn't be the women's responsibility to chase the man for money but we don't live in a perfect world and, in your case, the man is a CF. Make him pay for his DD as much as you do, she is as much his responsibility as yours.

Oh I've always said that. Single mum Kellie on JSA who lives on inner city estate
is seen as sCum yet 2.4 house wife Suzannah who doesn't work is seen as a home maker and devoted to her family..
Yes Phillipa may not be taking anything from the state but morally it's the same both parties don't work.
Also what about the money that Kellie along with her family may have already paid into the pot.

I agree with what OP is trying to say but you also have a lot of Single mums out there who manage to work and raise their children without the need live off the welfare state. Yes tax credits do come in handy in these situations to pillow their salaries.

I am a SAHM but we do not claim benefits or tax credits, I do work part time during school hours to ensure that I do not lose my sense of independence. Not all SAHM are solely dependent on their husbands or partners.

But I do think what irks a lot of people is that there is a large majority of single moms out there i.e the Jeremy Kyle watchers etc who know how to play the system. I.e Benefit scroungers

There are so many examples it is not either or there are various circumstances.

I’m a SAHP and therefore reliant on my husband financially. We don’t receive any form of benefits, not even child benefit.
People in real life and on here (ever seen the SAHM vs WOHM threads) think a sponging scrounger as I don’t work (I have 2 pre school age children and am pregnant). Ive seen SAHM’s called prostitutes on here. So hardly the case that’s SAHM’s are seen as morally superior.

Ridiculous post with a number of incorrect assumptions. Clearly just trying to start a pointless argument.

A comment I edited out of one of my earlier responses was going to be along the lines that while some people think "property is theft", other people think "taxation is theft", therefore anyone who claims tax money is a thief.

I've just googled "property is theft" and learned some interesting things. For example, Karl Marx among others pointed out that it was intrinsically illogical, as the actual meaning of "property" is to legitimately own something. If the "property" is stolen, it isn't property!

don't rise to the journalist !

Also what about the money that Kellie along with her family may have already paid into the pot

And the chances of Kellie ever having paid into that pot....?
(If we're using stereotypes)

Sue is seen as a wholesome mother with a wonderful family and good marriage.

What threads have you been reading?

@harshbuttrue1980 also make a very good point

Lots of SAHM's refuse to work after divorce, saying they can't find a job that they are willing to do.

Not all stay at home single mums are like this but the ones who are, in my view, are scroungers. When you can find a job but simply aren't 'willing to do it' either because you're lazy, or think you're above it or want more time with your kids then yes, you are scrounging.

Those unable to find work (whether it's just cant get a job or can get a job but can't take it because there's absolutely no one else to look after the kids) are different and not scroungers because they have no other option.

I hate it that people make assumptions about me as a single parent.

They assume they are paying for me, when in fact I don't claim any benefits, including tax credits. Meanwhile my married neighbours next door with 5 children receive lots from the public purse. I have no problem paying for them with my taxes or anyone else.

They assume I'm uneducated. In fact I have a degree.

When I say I'm going out, or going to party, they assume I'm going out drinking and judge me for it. In fact I mean I'm just going out or going to a kid's party. I haven't been out drinking for 10 years.

Etc Etc Etc

Some people do see me as scum just because I'm single, I've had to deal with lots of comments over the years. I can only be single. There is no chance for me to ever be in a relationship again. I wish people would stop judging and making assumptions.

Hi I'm not a journo I'm a single mum having left a bad relationship. I shouldn't have posted on AIBU as I'm still fragile and am upset how people may view me. Didn't mean to be goady.
Sorry.

And I'd have loved a husband who would have worked to support us, and who thought our children were worth having 2 parents. So perhaps some projection as well.

In an ideal world, nobody would look down on anyone but in real life women get it in the neck whatever their situation, sahms, working mums, single mums, all get criticised. It's pointless arguing over who gets punched less.

The argument is nonsense. SAHMs aren't relying on the tax payer, end of. I stay at home, my DH earns six figures. I will eventually return to work, I would find work tomorrow if he left me.

Not the same scenario at all. Also I don't know anyone irl who thinks single mums are scum, never ever would I or anyone I know think that .

I definitely don't view women dependent on benefits total scum. There is a certain amount of work involved in raising a family and it's often more than one person can do alone hence single mum's often need state support. I'm much more judgemental about the men who fail to support their families.

I don't think they are viewed as "scum" by anyone I know.

But to answer the question, the SAHM whos bills are funded by the Dad are getting the money from the other parent, it is a split in responsibility/roles. It is non of our business. A parent on benefits is getting money from the taxpayer/ government, so we are funding their bills. So everyone involved in the "system" or who pays tax, or who has any political interest or who is on benefits has to have an opinion, if lots of people express the same opinion, change is supposed to occur.

*none

You're not being goady. You're voicing your thoughts and opinions which you're entitled to do so. Yes not everyone will agree but sure they can handle it. Theyre big girls/boys