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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overheard family saying horrible stuff about DH?

115 replies

RhinoGirl · 10/06/2018 20:06

Hi all,
Earlier today I overheard two close family members saying some pretty nasty things about DH. He’s come down with a nasty bug and hasn’t left bed all day. Been at a family do, and he couldn’t come pick me and DD up, so we got a taxi home. While i’m gathering my babys things up, through a window I heard my sister and mother pretty much slagging him off for not going (he’s missed the last two family gatherings, one due to work and this one due to illness).
AIBU to be angry? I didn’t say bye as I was leaving as I was close to tears. Probably should of done but i’m furious they have A) said what they said and B) i’m a grown woman and managed to get around fine when i was on mat leave.

I don’t know whether to say something or just leave it and privately seethe?

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 10/06/2018 20:08

What exactly were they saying? Did you suspect before that they don’t like him much?

wormery · 10/06/2018 20:12

This happened to me, dh was with me at the time but we were upstairs. I asked why they were saying these horrible things, they denied it but I told them we overheard what they said, it was rude and unfair and dh has never seen them again. I always visit on my own and when they ask after him I just say fine thank you. DoMr privately seethe, it will eat you up. Phone one of them and say you heard what you said and you found it unkind and unnecessary and perhaps it might be better you don't see them for a while. Flowers

Original poster
RhinoGirl · 10/06/2018 20:13

No. Atleast not that i’ve been aware of at any rate. Maybe I was wrong but I am very upset.

OP posts:
Elena567 · 10/06/2018 20:35

You say you’re a grown woman but you sound extremely sensitive. Of course it wasn’t nice to hear, but “close to tears”- really ?

Longtalljosie · 10/06/2018 20:37

Elena I’m sure it was very upsetting - is there something shameful about crying? Not that the OP actually did, she just felt close to it. I’m sure I would have been too

steff13 · 10/06/2018 20:40

What did they say?

lily2403 · 10/06/2018 20:41

Grown ups don’t cry? Ooops I must still be a child.
I would be upset if I heard my family being nasty about OH would probably make it very clear I heard then before leaving. Would not keep to self as you are the one sitting upset and angry and they will be sitting not giving it a second thought

Macaroni46 · 10/06/2018 20:44

I think you should confront the family members who were slagging off your DH. There's no point being upset in private. He needs you to speak up for him

calzone · 10/06/2018 20:46

I would be upset too and I would confront them or you probably won’t get over it.....

Wolfiefan · 10/06/2018 20:46

So they criticised him for missing family events?
Hardly slagging him off.

Boulshired · 10/06/2018 20:49

I think it is pretty common if someone is not there to gossip why they are not. Unfortunately your DH illness has come at a time his absence is more noticeable because of the last.

Maelstrop · 10/06/2018 20:54

I’d be extremely upset if I overheard my family slagging off my DH. For many years, I could never get a straight answer out of my dm about her thoughts on him, despite him going above and beyond every time she visits. She has come to realise what an amazing guy he is (obviously!) but it’s all a bit too little, too late.

Are you going to tackle them, OP?

Elena567 · 10/06/2018 20:57

We all cry occasionaly I just don’t think this warrants tears.

UghAgh · 10/06/2018 21:01

Unless there is more to it then I don’t see this as too much of an issue. They were rude nd out of order but surely it’s not that big a deal. 🤷🏻‍♀️

crunchtime · 10/06/2018 21:01

Elena your comments are really unhelpful.

Shoxfordian · 10/06/2018 21:02

Depends what they saying but it's obviously important to them that he comes to family stuff as well.

DragTheTrunk · 10/06/2018 21:05

You should have called them out immediately. I would have, my DH is a fantastic husband and father and I wouldn't have been able to control my rage.

OverTheHedgeHammy · 10/06/2018 21:05

Oh Elena, are you the arbiter of when people should or shouldn't cry? Good to know, I'll send you a message next time I'm upset about something and find out whether you deem it worthy of tears or not.

diddl · 10/06/2018 21:10

Why is it such a big deal that he wasn't there?

Do they feel it reflects badly on them somehow?

voddiekeepsmesane · 10/06/2018 21:14

Wow Elena harsh!! If I overheard my mum and sister (who I love dearly) slagging off my DP (who I also love dearly) then yes I would be very upset. You are a cold character if you would just brush that off IMO

llangennith · 10/06/2018 21:15

Blimey I’m glad some family members don’t hear some of the stuff other family members say behind their backs. It was horrible for you to hear bad things about your DH but two things to remember:
Listeners never hear good of themselves
Least said soonest mended

bringincrazyback · 10/06/2018 21:22

You say you’re a grown woman but you sound extremely sensitive. Of course it wasn’t nice to hear, but “close to tears”- really ?

That's really cruel and unconstructive. Of course the OP felt hurt to hear her DH being spoken of that way by people she loves.

Gemini69 · 10/06/2018 21:23

pull them UP... cheeky ignorant gits Flowers

crunchymint · 10/06/2018 21:28

It sounds like they suspect he is making excuses not to go to family events. So I don't see this as a big deal. He is your DH, doesn't mean they can never say anything negative about them.
When I had missed going to in laws for a bit for very good reasons, they asked DP if we had split up, as they thought he was making up excuses as to why I couldn't go.

Juells · 10/06/2018 21:31

You're lucky they were saying it when they thought you couldn't hear Grin My family used to tell me my ex was a horrible superior prick all the time. "The skeleton at the feast" was a favourite description of him Grin

They were right, too.