Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overheard family saying horrible stuff about DH?

115 replies

RhinoGirl · 10/06/2018 20:06

Hi all,
Earlier today I overheard two close family members saying some pretty nasty things about DH. He’s come down with a nasty bug and hasn’t left bed all day. Been at a family do, and he couldn’t come pick me and DD up, so we got a taxi home. While i’m gathering my babys things up, through a window I heard my sister and mother pretty much slagging him off for not going (he’s missed the last two family gatherings, one due to work and this one due to illness).
AIBU to be angry? I didn’t say bye as I was leaving as I was close to tears. Probably should of done but i’m furious they have A) said what they said and B) i’m a grown woman and managed to get around fine when i was on mat leave.

I don’t know whether to say something or just leave it and privately seethe?

OP posts:
Greyponcho · 10/06/2018 21:37

Listeners never hear good of themselves
Least said soonest mended

Glad to see good old British stoicism is alive and well Hmm
Why should the OP just let it blow over?

ShawshanksRedemption · 10/06/2018 21:38

I guess it depends what they were saying and how they were saying it. Having a moan along the lines of "can't believe he's missed it again" is a bit different to "what a douche for lying, bet he's just doing nothing, being a lazy fecker and expecting RhinoGirl to do everything herself"

The first one you can probably put them straight on, the second one would be a lot harder to forgive.

Juells · 10/06/2018 21:42

It genuinely wouldn't cost me a thought. I'd have shouted "I can hear you, shut up".

Juells · 10/06/2018 21:43

being a lazy fecker and expecting RhinoGirl to do everything herself

That's just being protective of their sister/daughter.

crunchymint · 10/06/2018 21:43

My parents say negative stuff about my BIL never coming to family events and making excuses. That is because they are hurt by this.

Juells · 10/06/2018 21:44

Exactly @crunchymint

QuackPorridgeBacon · 10/06/2018 21:50

I think it’s an issue. Why would anyone complain that someone with a bug wasn’t around them? Are they mad? I’m greatful for people like your husband. Stops it spreading and protects those who would struggle more. I’d have said something but then I’m used to an argumentative family.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 10/06/2018 21:51

No shame in being upset and close to tears though.

Mrsmadevans · 10/06/2018 21:52

They were prob just having a natter and muttering about MEN, we all do it OP , you have prob done it without realising . Don't be upset it just is not worth it Flowers

goingtotown · 10/06/2018 21:53

Why didn’t you defend your DH when you overheard the comments.

overnightangel · 10/06/2018 21:54

@Elena567 have a Biscuit

SandyY2K · 10/06/2018 21:56

I wonder if they think he doesnt pull his weight and leaves a lot of stuff to you to do where DD is concerned.

I've talked about both my BILS with the other Dsis...not complimentary...but all true. The sis married would also agree.

I'm sure they do the same about DH and no doubt those things are true...hearing it is the problem.

If it's just about not coming to the events...I'd put them right.

SusanneLinder · 10/06/2018 22:01

I would have said something, or speak to them about it when you next see them.

Original poster
RhinoGirl · 10/06/2018 22:07

Thanks for the comments guys.
The reason I didn’t pull them up on it when I heard is because there was drink involved, so didn’t want it to potentially get out of hand, if you see what I mean.

It was more along the lines of he should of pulled up his big boy pants and turned up, to put it politely. Yes, he has missed the last two. We’ve been together 10 years and there has been so many he has been to, that I feel the comments were unwarranted.
My DH is a wonderful husband and father, would do anything for DD so it’s not about him not pulling his weight, he absolutely does.
I was upset because I don’t like to hear anything negative about him that he doesn’t deserve. I was also upset because the comments came from two people I love very much, about someone they are meant to love as part of the family. So I don’t believe I was being overly sensitive Elena but thank you for commenting.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 10/06/2018 22:08

Decide whether to let them know that you heard what they were saying - I would confront certain family members, but others I would not

SandyY2K · 10/06/2018 22:11

In.which case is speak to them tomorrow and explain how you feel. Perhaps say how hurtful it would be if you missed an event with his family and they slagged you off like that...it wouldn't be very nice at all.

Wolfiefan · 10/06/2018 22:13

Doesn't sound like they were that awful TBH. You had to get a taxi home? Maybe they felt it was a touch of man flu and he shouldn't be leaving you to struggle home with the kids in a taxi.

Original poster
RhinoGirl · 10/06/2018 22:17

It probably is man flu. But he hasn’t ventured out of bed today so he must be feeling lousy, it’s unlike him.

Now i’m home i’ve calmed down a bit, but still pissed off about them calling him a pussy. That’s when the hackles went up 😬

OP posts:
alreadytaken · 10/06/2018 22:21

sorry but I agree with Elena - this is why people get called snowflakes. They had a bit of a moan about what they perceive as a non serious illness and a way to avoid them and you over-react, perhaps because you fear there is too much truth in it.

You have a new baby, you're over emotional and the people fuelling the flames are doing you no favours.

Original poster
RhinoGirl · 10/06/2018 22:24

Definately not new baby hormones haha she’s 15 months old.
Oh well, maybe I am unreasonable for being upset, I just didnt imagine they would be so negative about a situation/illness my DH certainly would of avoided if he had a choice.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 10/06/2018 22:24

I can understand you being annoyed but I too don’t think this is something worth crying or almost crying about. You know his reasons for missing the last two get togethers are genuine and just a coincidence that it’s been twice in a row, but I can see how it might look to your family.

I’d be more concerned that your family drink to the extent that the situation might “get out of hand”, if you corrected their mistaken views.

Also, could you learn to drive? Then it will be easier for you to visit them independently.

JennieLee · 10/06/2018 22:26

I think if I heard my mother or brothers criticising my husband I would probably be very cross and upset. That's because my husband has been much more supportive of me than my birth family are. And I suppose I'd see a criticism of my husband as a a criticism of me and a bigging up of themselves, in a way that was divisive. 'We know how to behave but she has gone off with X who doesn't know how to behave. My mother does have form for making little digs about my brothers' partners, so I think she does see the people who have married her children as outsiders/infiltrators. (But my brothers are fine and they like my husband.)

Original poster
RhinoGirl · 10/06/2018 22:30

I could learn to drive, it’s in the plan once money improves. We live within 5 minutes of each other so I can go independently if I want to. I usually do when he has to work Sundays (in retail, so a lot of Sundays).

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/06/2018 22:30

If it's man flu AKA a bad cold then he could have avoided it. At least turned up to collect you?
Maybe they suspect he has an ulterior motive in avoiding these events?

Monty27 · 10/06/2018 22:32

Maybe they don't believe his excuses.

Swipe left for the next trending thread