Overheard family saying horrible stuff about DH?

[RhinoGirl]

Hi all,
Earlier today I overheard two close family members saying some pretty nasty things about DH. He’s come down with a nasty bug and hasn’t left bed all day. Been at a family do, and he couldn’t come pick me and DD up, so we got a taxi home. While i’m gathering my babys things up, through a window I heard my sister and mother pretty much slagging him off for not going (he’s missed the last two family gatherings, one due to work and this one due to illness).
AIBU to be angry? I didn’t say bye as I was leaving as I was close to tears. Probably should of done but i’m furious they have A) said what they said and B) i’m a grown woman and managed to get around fine when i was on mat leave.

I don’t know whether to say something or just leave it and privately seethe?

I sent him a text asking him to but he’s at the aching and weak stage, hot and sweaty and then shivering.
Probably another reason I was annoyed, as I know it was genuine and got the impression they didn’t think so.

Next time one of them is ill, just tell them to ‘woman up’ & stop being s pussy’ in a very pointed way.

Make sure your DH doesn’t go out of his way to help either of them, but don’t tell him why.

Sounds more like flu or a bloody awful virus than man flu.
Poor bloke.
I think I would make the point when they're sober that he's been really bloody unwell. "Good job DH didn't come as he's been up all night ...."
Don't you catch it will you?!

Lots of posters have a moan on here about their hypochondriac husbands. so you're very sweet to be upset for him.

I would have probably joined in and had a communal whinge.

I am going to try my hardest not to wolfiefan!

Face mask?
CSI suit?
Gin to pickle the bug?
Disinfect the house?
Boil DH?
Disclaimer. They may not all work!

This would upset me. And actually I think it's really divisive of your family. I'd make it really clear it was out of order. Nip it in the bud pronto.

Well I aren’t sleeping the same bed tonight at any rate!

Also, to put it into context, my uncle turned up today... who has shingles 🙄 probably why they thought DH was being a big girl!

Jeez. Maybe you should bottle his lurgy and drop it off then see how they feel once they've caught it?!

If they saw the state of him they would be glad he stayed away.

My bed sheets are wringing wet 😢

Poor guy, I hope he feels better soon. X

Me too wormery, I am a lousy nurse!

Text one of the moaners, 'lovely to see you today, good job DH didn't come to (event), got home to find him shivering in sweaty damp sheets, no one would've wanted that being passed around. We'll see you soon/next time' she'll wonder if you heard, you don't have to confirm and you set the story straight that he wasn't faking. I don't think it's a huge deal in the grand scheme of things though, he's no showed for two consecutive family events, this time leaving you to get the kids home by taxi alone, they had a little moan about him. It's nothing to worry about.

My DH misses the majority of events with my family. Not special ones, he comes to them, but neither of us so the need for him to come to them all. He works A LOT of hours and I often plan visits to my family for when he's working so when he's not we can do stuff at home. I know my family discuss how I carry the burden at home as they have dropped a couple of hints about his hours but they never say much directly to me as they know they'd get a earful. I think it is hurtful for family members to be commenting openly, if you heard it anyone else could have heard it and if you don't have an issue with him not being there then why should they?

Your family does sound a bit off.

Jesus. The man clearly has proper flu.
I don't think you are unreasonable to be upset at all. I would be, and I would have confronted them and defended him. Sounds like you were right not to but I think I'd mention it now.
Shingles is very nasty! Not sure why people are expected to go places when they are ill and would be better off recovering and not spreading things around.

I'd send a group text to both of them (in a single message so there's no hope of them blaming one another as to who said what and why). Something along the lines of this:

"At the last family event, I overheard the two of you loudly discussing my DH in an ignorant and unkind manner that he most certainly does not deserve simply for being too ill with the flu to attend a family function. It greatly upset me that you would insult the man I love for such a silly reason that frankly is neither your business nor your concern. As a reminder, DH and I are a team and a package deal. Next time I hear you say something that out of line, DH, DD, and I will all be taking a break from visits and family functions with you until you learn how to treat everyone in my nuclear family with respect.

So your dh stayed away with an infectious illness and your uncle turned up with one. I hope your dd doesn’t get chicken pox from him. If your family were so concerned at you having to take a taxi, why didn’t one of them offer you a lift home? Your “well-being” doesn’t really seem that important to them if they chose to drink instead.

I think YABU and oversensitive. They weren’t so much slagging him off or saying hurtful things, rather moaning (as most people do when they drink) that he should have turned up anyway.

to be honest I thought by your reaction they where really slagging him off. I do think it's a over reaction they said something to each other after a drink and it really doesn't sound that bad. They probably thought he had man flu and just couldn't be bothered to come obviously that isn't the case but if that's the worse they said and you usually always get along then I'd leave it be. Is it worth a fall out ? I mean people comment on people's situations all the time they just do I really don't think what they said was so awful I would be falling out with them.

I'm a terrible one for slagging people off, but it doesn't mean I don't love them as well.

OP, whatever you do, do not tell your DH.

I don't think that sounds like a major slagging off. They didn't know how ill he was and they were having a gossip. A bit unfair and unkind, true, but it doesn't seem like a big deal to me. I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but if I wanted to set the record straight I might mention later just how ill he'd been.

Anybody in my extended birth family or in-laws might have been heard saying such a thing about somebody else. Just idle gossip and speculation. It wouldn't mean serious lack of affection or respect.

Is there more to it than you've said? Does your family generally not get on with your dh? I don't really see why this is so upsetting for you.

I agree that it doesn't sound that terrible. In particular, it seems to have been rooted in concern for you. Time to forget about it.

The group text suggestion upthread is a particularly terrible idea.

It’s not terrible what they said but I still wouldn’t stand for it - I would feel very disloyal to my husband if I didn’t say something, and would have to let them know that I heard them and that after 10 years DH deserves more understanding and respect than to be gossiped about and have it implied that he is faking/exaggerating to avoid a family lunch.

Maybe they don't believe his excuses.

The family events are optional though. If he does not want to go he does not have to, he does not have to make an excuse. But it sounds like he was really bad and so they should be grateful he was not there spreading his germs around.