To get so hurt over Facebook.

[doesmyheadin]

I honestly think I need to delete it as I take it far too personally.
But I HATE people removing me as a friend.
I’ve got anxiety and I’m a massive over thinker anyway and it really affects my mental health.
Latest one is that I work in a shop with 3 other women. A regular comes in and adds all 3 of us. 2 weeks later he just deletes me and stays friends with the other 2.
I don’t post that often, although I’ve got a big family and get tagged in photos a few times a week at bbqs or weddings, parties, soft play with the kids etc.
I occasionally post a photo of the kids in their party outfits if they look especially cute.
Now I’m overthinking if I’ve done people’s heads in so they’ve had to delete me.
I’m dreading seeing him at work now.
I must really annoy him for him to purposely go onto my profile and hit delete?
The other 2 people he’s kept as friends post every couple of weeks themselves and don’t get tagged in photos. Maybe he found them less annoying than me?

FB can be bad for one's peace of mind and unfriending is something I find childish and usually an unnecessary thing for an adult to do. It gets to me too when I see someone's unfriended me, even if I try not to let it. I do sometimes think about abandoning FB as it can lead to a lot of negativity in all sorts of ways.

No offence OP but i can hardly believe people like you exist. I mean, i'd heard rumours, but...delete facebook! I honestly dont give a second thought to who is or isnt friends with me on facebook, i dont even know how many friends i have on there!

I also find unfriending unnecessary.
If you don’t want people to see your profile then put them on restricted, if you don’t want to see what people are posting then unfollow them.
I find people unfriending me very harsh.
But then I am ridiculously sensitive so other people probably don’t give 2 hoots!

Not rtft but in all honesty if other people's kids are constantly appearing on my timeline I delete.

I know I need to man up. A lot.
But believe me I do exist.
Even if I say something to a colleague, something like “your hair looks nice like that”, then I go home and panic I’ve offended them, worry that they think I thought their hair looked shit how they used to have it, panic and second guess what they’re thinking all night until I can see them at work the next day and check by their demeanour that they’re not annoyed with me.
I tagged a colleague in a meme yesterday that I thought was funny and she didn’t respond. Now I’m worried I’ve said/done something wrong and I’ve stressed about it all day.
It’s bloody hard work being me.

It seems you have a lot of time on your hands to be doing all this analysis of FB.

Some people seem to live and die by it. I remember back in the early days... people would screenshot things from FB and report to us (HR) about a colleagues comments or about them reporting sick, but 'checking in' at the pub.

It's an obsession for some people. They get upset if someone doesn't 'like' their photo...but 'liked' another person's pic.

Don't take it so seriously OP. It's really not healthy.

Hi op, haven’t read tft but I just wanted to say that I was in a similar state of mind in regards to Facebook. In the end I wrote a message on there asking all my Facebook friends not to take it personally but I was coming off for a while. That while has been 4 years and counting... but not technically. I’m still a member of all the relevant groups and local boards but I literally have not one “friend” on my list. And people can still message me through messenger, I’m still aware of what’s going on in the world but I don’t have to worry about anyone’s status or shift through tedious posts!!! I really would recommend doing this, it saved my sanity!

I think you are making the mistake of judging everyone by your own standards.

People use faceache in all sorts of ways.

You seem , by the sound of it to think of it as a wishlist of people you like, or think you have a connection to. That’s fine. But I don’t use it like that, and nor do a a lot of other people.

I hardly use the social friend bit at all, just businesses and groups that I’m interested in. The only friend I have are people I like but don’t communicate with often. And I tend to cull regularly, if I see you every day, I don’t need you on Facebook. So I’ll delete you. And it’s not that I don’t like you, but I just don’t need to communicate that way. I will also block or delete people who spam their feed with endless simila posts. I dearly love my old university friend, but I am not interested in bloody greyhound rescue centres. So she’s deleted. It is no reflection on her, more that our interests no longer coincide so hteres no point on being on. Im still going out for a drink with her next week, I still like her. But I don’t need her on Facebook.

I think you would be better going cold turkey and deleting fb from your life. The value it gives you in terms of messages and news is not worth the stress you will find other ways to get the information you need.

I am pretty sure Facebook has deleted people from my friends list that I have not done. I am not even sure if that is possible or I have accidentally done it.

One other thing I’ve found when I’ve come off Facebook. You soon realise how genuine your friends are when they message to see how you are rather than rely on your posts for updates. And also, a friend once said to me. I hadn’t seen someone I used to go to school with for 10 years, yet had her as a fb friend. She saw her out in public and the friend knew everything about her life because of fb. Where she got married, where she worked, what her kids names are, what they looked like. It was all a bit unnerving for her. So she come off too!

Op if you think you're bad - I used to know exactly how many friends I had on Facebook and if the number went down I'd dig until I found out who had deleted me, which wasn't hard as I only had 100 or so people on my list anyway. I deleted people all the time but I hated it if someone deleted me and took it so personally it literally hurt!

But you give less of a shit about 'randoms' as you get older. I deleted my account altogether a few months ago and I honestly don't miss it, I don't need to see daily updates of attention seeking, fully grown adults using those pathetic Snapchat filters and posting statuses such as "why do I bother" or "my little man is poorly again" blah fucking blah.

I have a separate account now but I'm not connected to anybody on there, it's just mainly somewhere to store photos or follow recipe pages. If you feel you need to be connected to certain groups just follow them and block anyone from sending you FR. You don't even need to have a photo on there x

OP, I think your guess upthread about the customer is probably spot on. He was being flirty in the shop, he put all 3 of you on FB, then discovered you were married with kids, so deleted you. Some men only see women in terms of shag potential, not as human beings or potential friends.
But I think it’s much more important to look at your own self esteem, your tendency to people please, your fear of offending others. Whatever made you like this needs addressing so you can move on from it.
Other than normal social politeness, you really don’t need to prioritise everyone else over you, or overthink every interaction and castigate yourself for imaginary failings. Give yourself a hug and decide to care a bit less about the opinions of others and a bit more about your own needs!

I've taken a massive step back from my facebook. Decluttered lots of people who are simply people I know rather than actual close friends and family. I don't post lots anymore but least now when I do log on its post from people who I actually care of. I have zero interest in what someone from school who I have not be in contact for best part of a decade is eating in a restaurant.

Why have them as FB friends at all if you don’t want them to see your posts?

That is awful to feel that way over a customer.

It is so irrational, if you cant delete it for other reasons do not except any friend requests keep it neat, family only.

If you get this angsty and spend this much time dwelling on Facebook, you probably shouldn't be using it. I'm sorry if that sounds blunt, but if you overthink to this extent and suffer from anxiety, Facebook is not healthy for you. Seek some counselling for those things, steer clear of Facebook and if you need to keep in touch with particular groups, use a group chat on WhatsApp or other messenger system.

I didn't realise how bad FB was for my mental health. I deleted it over a year ago and I can see how bad it was now.

I hardly ever use facebook and someone who is on my friends list is constantly posting stuff-it lands up in my email. I'm thinking of deleting her cos its not stuff I'm interested in. (usually pictures of her drinking or trips she's on-why? she can't
be enjoying herself that much or else why would she be thinking about putting it on fb?) I didn't realise there's a mute or unfollow button-will now have to look. OP-u can either worry yrself silly or ask him but if u feel silly about doin that then u prob kno yr being daft-we all do it times yr not alone there.Put it into perspective. He might just have too many friends on there and was doin a cull? I hate fb-it causes unnecessary probs, anger, jealous (usu unfoundec) and anxiety. I think theres prob a lot that feel the same but wouldn't opening admit it fir fear of retribution. I'm only on there for access to pages I need for an interest of mine or I would have been off there ages ago. Its a crap fantasy world.

Typos! Sorry for the vent-it's just fb grrrr.... don't start me off again.

I regularly delete people too, it's never anything personal though.
More that I like to just have people on my FB that I regularly speak to in RL, or who engage on facebook.
The lurkers who I never see in person, who never engage either, and I'm not particularly close to, sometimes gets culled in a spring clean.
In your post, you yourself describe him as a regular randomer who came into the shop and added you all.
He'll have just had a little clear out as he doesn't really know you.

I've NRTFT so I don't know if someone has already said it but there have been a couple of times where Facebook has removed people off my friends without either of us doing so. The main one being my DM and neither of us unfriended each other, I have heard a few other people say the same has happened to them too.

I only have 14 friends on Facebook and one of those is my kids school. I choose to limit my use of it to stay informed on the class pages and I never accept friend requests. It's not because I don't like you, I do honestly, I just don't use Facebook for friendship.

That's not too much posting OP. It really isn't. It's absolutely fine

And selling sites. But that's it.

I only have a handful of people on Facebook, just people I actually want to see/hear from. So colleagues from 10 years ago that I haven't seen since, are not included!