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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that "wetting the baby's head" is bollocks.

105 replies

Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 18:42

DH was informed recently that he'd be "wetting the baby's head" with his family and friends the weekend after our baby is born. DH informed them that he had no intention of doing any such thing, and you'd have thought he'd shit on the carpet. Horror. Comments about me "not letting him". DH hasn't been drunk in years and I can count the number of times he's been in a pub in the last two years on one hand. He's not a fan of that kind of socialising and can't be bothered.

I will be having a csection. We also have two large dogs and lots of stairs in our house. We intend on cosleeping. They're totally expecting DH to go out on a bender, just days after I have abdominal surgery, leaving me alone with a newborn, having to get up to let dogs in and out etc. I mean I'm not so precious that I couldn't do it l, but why should I have to? On what planet is this seen as normal or OK?

I really think it's old fashioned, sexist nonsense. A bunch of blokes going out to celebrate a baby by getting pissed, while the actual baby and its exhausted, bleeding mother are left at home to get on with it?

DH totally agrees with me. I said an afternoon pint would be one thing, but we both know that won't be enough for the in laws. They don't drink a lot regularly, but any sort of event seems to be a green light for getting pissed. Maybe OK at weddings but surely not in the first days of having a newborn?

I also feel resentful that even though DH has no interest and has never been a big drinker, for some reason I'm being cast in the role of boring old spoilsport!

People really do treat you differently and have weird expectations once you start to have kids, don't they?

OP posts:
BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 10/06/2018 18:45

There's a whole host of nonsense around babies. Wetting the baby's head is just one of them. Add to it christening when neither parent is religious, naming ceremonies, not letting anyone visit for x weeks then moaning people have no interest etc.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 10/06/2018 18:48

To be fair wetting the baby's head usually occurs when the mother is still in hospital but if he doesn't wanna go he doesn't wanna go

Flyingpompom · 10/06/2018 18:49

Erm... wetting the baby's head is just a traditional celebration. No-one has to take part, but you seem judgy of those that do.
My DH went out with our friends for a celebratory drink the day he became a dad.
I was still in hospital with our DS, so it didn't affect me in the least.

museumum · 10/06/2018 18:52

Here it’s geberally when the father is sent home from the hospital still buzzing with adrenaline and wonder and doesn’t want to go to bed early on his own. His best mates will meet him in the pub to celebrate but also process the whole crazy thing.
Mothers get together with their antenatal group for daytime tea and cake for the same reasons.

MissConductUS · 10/06/2018 18:53

I thought you meant baptizing the baby!

Tell his family to have one on your and DH's behalf, as you all have better things to do.

They'll just be annoyed that without your DH they won't have an excuse to get drunk.

Scrumptiousbears · 10/06/2018 18:53

It's just a thing. If he doesn't want to go then don't.

RedForFilth · 10/06/2018 18:54

I wouldn't have a problem with it if it was back in the times my grandparents had kids and women stayed in hospital getting cared for well. But it isn't like that at all now. No one would ever expect a man to look after a newborn alone after major surgey, it's fucking ridiculous

Scrumptiousbears · 10/06/2018 18:55

Oh, also your DH may not want to go now but after a week with a newborn maybe really grateful for a night out Grin

hopelessandhopeful · 10/06/2018 18:55

DH just had a few beers on his own when he got home from the hospital and I was still in. Third was a home birth so no wetting for him haha!

I think the fully going out whilst you're at home with a newborn is dickish, but if you're still in hospital I think it's fine.

SilverySurfer · 10/06/2018 18:56

It's not obligatory - he can do it or not do it. No big deal.

ShatnersBassoon · 10/06/2018 18:57

Here it’s geberally when the father is sent home from the hospital still buzzing with adrenaline and wonder and doesn’t want to go to bed early on his own. His best mates will meet him in the pub to celebrate but also process the whole crazy thing.

Yes to this. It's a nice thing to do, ime. After the birth of each of ours, DH went to the local and was bought a few drinks and everyone was pleased to hear about the baby's name, weight etc.

Wolfiefan · 10/06/2018 18:57

I thought it was an old fashioned tradition as women were kept in so long after birth and the man would head off for a pint to celebrate.
Getting shitfaced after the mother and baby are home? Erm no. Time to spend together. Establish feeding. Let mum heal and both bond with the baby.

crisscrosscranky · 10/06/2018 18:59

DH wet both of our heads in the local- it was a chance for him to show off pictures etc whilst still being 'manly'!

That said, he wouldn't have gone if I hadn't wanted him to.

FASH84 · 10/06/2018 19:00

If he doesn't want to be doesn't have to. It's another non tradition, same as baby showers, my SIL is appalled I won't be having one, and my best friend understands because she knows me but was very keen to plan one for me. These things are fine for those that want them and should be fine not to do if you don't want. FWIW apparently the Lindo wing offer champagne and afternoon tea for mothers who've just given birth!

yorkshireyummymummy · 10/06/2018 19:00

I thought wetting the babies head was something that the dad did while the mum and newborn were still in hospital. I also thought it was a pint to toast the newborn and then dad goes back to the hospital. Why does everything have to be hijacked with loads of booze and people getting pissed??
OP- I think your husband should tell his family that they can do what they want to with regards to ‘ wetting baby’s head’ but it’s his decision to take no part in this wetting ( or drowning if they are planning on getting rat arsed) and he does not appreciate you being branded the spoilsport.
It’s lovely that you have a supportive husband - and congratulations ! These first few weeks are so so wonderful, I’m not surprised your DH does not want to miss a minute.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 10/06/2018 19:01

I've literally never known one OH/male friend who went to the pub/'wet the baby's head'! But then I guess none of them have 'a local' or socialise at a local pub really, now I think about it.

I don't know...I'm tempted to say it's not a common custom, but only within my own exerperience.

WhiteCoyote · 10/06/2018 19:02

I feel you op, it’s beyond frustrating that you’re seen as the root cause of him not going out.

My dp has a few mates who likes to drink themselves shitless whereas he’d be happy to never drink - his own decision and nothing influenced by me. Whenever he declines their invites for a lads night out in the nearest city so basically getting off their faces and ending up in a strip club they always make comments about how I don’t let him and he’s kept under the thumb. Drives me up the wall.

PuppyMonkey · 10/06/2018 19:03

“we also have two large dogs and lots of stairs in our house”

Sorry OP, don’t quite know why but this has made me Grin

Crunchymum · 10/06/2018 19:04

I had our first baby in the early hours and that night DP went out for a few drinks. To be fair it was his birthday (and myself and baby were still in hospital)

Baby was born on daddy's birthday and that was the last time DP went out on his actual birthday.

BustopherJones · 10/06/2018 19:05

I can see the point if the mother and baby are in hospital and the father has to leave for the night. If you’re becoming a dad for the first time so no older children to look after then meeting friends at the pub sounds much nicer than going home alone.

If you don’t do it until after the baby’s home then I doubt it would be the same - you might be knackered, and no one wants a hangover when up at all hours with a newborn. I stayed in the private room I delivered in in the birth centre, and DP could stay with us. A good few of his friends came to visit us at home and he did take them to the pub for a bit but it was my suggestion as I was still recovering and putting on a bit of a brave face so was glad to keep visits shorter. Also my mum was visiting so I wasn’t struggling at home while he had a good time.

ICantCopeAnymore · 10/06/2018 19:08

Of course it's bollocks. It's just another excuse for the mindless to drink alcohol.

It's on the same inane level as baby showers, stag/hen nights and gender reveals.

gillybeanz · 10/06/2018 19:14

My dh just had his friend round, the man who was best man at wedding and ds1 Godfather.
They went to village pub, had a couple and came home.
I was in hospital as it was 10 days then with first born.

SoyDora · 10/06/2018 19:16

DH never did it, but we were home same day with both DC so he didn’t have any evenings to ‘kill’. No one commented on the lack of head wetting!

BitOutOfPractice · 10/06/2018 19:18

"wetting the baby's head" doesn't mean he has to get drunk. It's not compulsory. Its just a tradition. Like a christening. I can't get worked up about it

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 10/06/2018 19:21

My DH didn’t do this but I like the idea, particularly if you’re in hospital. People usually forget about the father in childbirth so I think it’s nice to get out, get some air and some attention on them. My DH absolutely needed a break but was too anxious to leave us- not ideal at all