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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that "wetting the baby's head" is bollocks.

105 replies

Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 18:42

DH was informed recently that he'd be "wetting the baby's head" with his family and friends the weekend after our baby is born. DH informed them that he had no intention of doing any such thing, and you'd have thought he'd shit on the carpet. Horror. Comments about me "not letting him". DH hasn't been drunk in years and I can count the number of times he's been in a pub in the last two years on one hand. He's not a fan of that kind of socialising and can't be bothered.

I will be having a csection. We also have two large dogs and lots of stairs in our house. We intend on cosleeping. They're totally expecting DH to go out on a bender, just days after I have abdominal surgery, leaving me alone with a newborn, having to get up to let dogs in and out etc. I mean I'm not so precious that I couldn't do it l, but why should I have to? On what planet is this seen as normal or OK?

I really think it's old fashioned, sexist nonsense. A bunch of blokes going out to celebrate a baby by getting pissed, while the actual baby and its exhausted, bleeding mother are left at home to get on with it?

DH totally agrees with me. I said an afternoon pint would be one thing, but we both know that won't be enough for the in laws. They don't drink a lot regularly, but any sort of event seems to be a green light for getting pissed. Maybe OK at weddings but surely not in the first days of having a newborn?

I also feel resentful that even though DH has no interest and has never been a big drinker, for some reason I'm being cast in the role of boring old spoilsport!

People really do treat you differently and have weird expectations once you start to have kids, don't they?

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 10/06/2018 22:08

Have they told you you’re preventing him going? Why hasn’t he stood up and said similar and clarified that it’s nowt to do with you, he’s a grown man, he’s made his own mind up? Or has he and they’re still saying it’s your idea? Either way, ignore them, man pet and let him show them where his loyalties lie.

TwitterQueen1 · 10/06/2018 22:21

Oh my goodness... why on earth have you got your knickers in such a twist about this OP? Why are you raging about DP's family wanting to celebrate the birth? How very dare they suggest such a thing.

Your DP presumably has free will. He can go out, or not go out. He can get totally plastered or - as would seem to be the norm with him - not.

You call it old-fashioned sexist nonsense. I call it a traditional celebration, which he can join in with or not. It's a helluva lot better than new-fashioned, grabby, sexist baby showers....

Breathe.... and have a calming cup of tea.

Original poster
Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 22:31

Twitterqueen

Should I go out and get drunk and stay out for hours a few days after having my baby then?

I will be breastfeeding and cosleeping but I'm sure I'll manage just fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 22:32

And I don't quite get how "getting pissed in a dingy pub" is the ideal way to celebrate a birth but there we go

OP posts:
PaintedHorizons · 10/06/2018 22:35

This seems to be about nothing. He doesn't get drunk. You are not stopping him seeing family. He has said no. You are ranting at nothing.

We all celebrate in our own way - and if you don;t like it, you don't do. it.

Original poster
Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 22:36

Maelstrop yes he's told them and it was like a scene from Billy Elliott. He's a decent one, my DH, and not afraid to speak his mind. But they can't seem to accept that I'm not pulling the strings and that infuriates me, because they never had this view of me prepregnancy. It's like the egg was fertilised and they had the stereotype all ready and waiting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 22:39

paintedhorizons cos the more I think about it the more I think it's a load of shit dressed up as tradition. There's a time and a place for going on a bender and I don't think a few days after child birth is it. My DH doesn't like Zoflora either and I've participated in long threads debating it's effectiveness.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 11/06/2018 07:57

He needs some new friends. Good luck to you both.

Slarti · 11/06/2018 08:05

You both sound like a right barrel of laughs.

Andrewofgg · 11/06/2018 08:09

Slarti They sound like devoted parents-to-be.

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 11/06/2018 08:16

There's a time and a place for going on a bender and I don't think a few days after child birth is it

Total non-thread - give it 6 months & no doubt you'll be starting one about him daring to go to the works Christmas Bash & leaving you with a 6 month old......

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 11/06/2018 08:16

They sound like devoted parents-to-be.

Yeah, I'll stick with Slarti's assessment....

Clubcuts · 11/06/2018 08:22

No big deal either way, but you do sound dreadfully judgy!

maxthemartian · 11/06/2018 08:35

OP I know exactly the culture you're talking about. See also football - that's another all-day bender.
Binge drinking and lad culture cause any number of social problems, violence, domestic violence, pressure on NHS services yet this ugly side of the culture is held so bizarrely sacrosanct.
As someone not brought up in the UK it baffles me.

Fruitbat1980 · 11/06/2018 08:49

My parents threw a baby head wetting party the evening my son was born. Literally my whole extended family went. I had a c section and lost 4 pints of blood on table. My DH didn’t leave my side in hospital and stayed with me. They carried on the party Hmm I am still miffed but DH has no intention of going and says they were just happy we were ok Hmm

Original poster
Fuckballoons · 11/06/2018 08:51

max absolutely. If I'd posted that DH wasn't doing the hoovering days after I'd given birth, I'd be told to LTB but because I'm being perceived as getting in the way of DH having A Drink, some posters don't see why I'm annoyed or are giving me an outright pasting. Slarti up thread there is a prime example - we're boring because our first priority after having a new baby isn't going out on the fucking lash!

OP posts:
mindutopia · 11/06/2018 09:14

I don’t quite get it either, but it’s not something anyone we know does (our friends and family aren’t exactly very ‘traditional’). I’ve only had home births so never any time in hospital. It was full on for both of us from the beginning, though after our first, dh definitely had a whisky or two to settle his nerves! But seems a bit silly and sexist that it’s just for dads. All our friends who came round to visit in the weeks after all brought a bottle of something and we celebrated together. Surely if anyone needs a drink after 9 months it was me! But really if friends and family know your dh, they should know he doesn’t really drink much and wouldn’t enjoy that sort of thing and he needs to speak up for himself and make sure people understand he just doesn’t want to and not just let the blame be passed on to you.

youngOffenders · 11/06/2018 09:24

Is it sexist? Why? Because it's a male space?

Women have baby showers and men seem to keep themselves from whinging about it.

Ohgohome · 11/06/2018 09:40

Maybe it’s a regional thing? I’ve just read on another thread about someone who goes to the pub at 9 in the morning with their baby!

Grandmaswagsbag · 11/06/2018 09:42

Or why don't you both just feel grateful that your dh has a group of friends and relatives that take enough of an interest in his momentous life events to want throw a to celebration for him? My poor dh’s family couldn’t really have given a toss about the birth of our baby or any thing else in his life. I often feel quite a sad for him.

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 11/06/2018 09:50

I think it’s a bit old fashioned. I don’t know anyone who still does this tbh. I think back when my mum had her babies it was more the done thing as she was able to stay in hospital for a lot longer. Now they seem to want to turf you out the day after a cs and sometimes sooner after a vb (I had this with both dcs and had to pretty much beg to stay an extra night for help with breastfeeding dc2... which I didn’t get... and spent the whole day and night trying desperately to feed ds who turned out to be quite severely tongue tied - finally got it snipped at 3mo Hmm).

Anywho, my DH had a whisky on his own the evening after we had dc1. After that, I was home and neither of us felt like drinking. With dc2, he was busy looking after dc1 while I was in hospital, so no time for the pub.

blackteasplease · 11/06/2018 09:53

I thought this was a past thing tbh.

I do agree that it was when the Mum was still in hospital.with baby and the Dad was otherwise a bit at a loose end. Now people are sent home so quickly I thought it had died out.

Alternatively I think it's nice to have a little celebration of the birth once the parents are ready, i.e. a few weeks or months down the line. But at the patents ' instigation and not excluding one of.them!

Karatema · 11/06/2018 09:55

Wetting the baby's head, even years ago, was always whilst Mum was still in hospital.

💐 for you

MrsKoala · 11/06/2018 09:57

When me and my sister were born (60s and 70s) it was a thing because, as others have said the mums were kept in for 2 weeks, even for a very straightforward birth and the midwives were there to help the mum so the dads were a bit surplus.

I've not heard of anyone doing it since the 80s tho because you are now sent home immediately or your partner is expected to stay with you and help with the baby/taking you to shower etc.

After my Mum left the hospital they had a 'wetting the babies head' session with me present, in a smokey, stinking pub, where i was passed around and kissed by randoms and dirty silver coins were pressed into my palms for luck then put into a silver tankard. While mum and dad drank and smoked. Ah the good old 70s! Grin

Slartybartfast · 11/06/2018 09:58

it is purely a celebration.
he can take it as far as he wishes.
while you are still in hospital sounds like a good plan.
it doesnt have to be a week bender