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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that "wetting the baby's head" is bollocks.

105 replies

Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 18:42

DH was informed recently that he'd be "wetting the baby's head" with his family and friends the weekend after our baby is born. DH informed them that he had no intention of doing any such thing, and you'd have thought he'd shit on the carpet. Horror. Comments about me "not letting him". DH hasn't been drunk in years and I can count the number of times he's been in a pub in the last two years on one hand. He's not a fan of that kind of socialising and can't be bothered.

I will be having a csection. We also have two large dogs and lots of stairs in our house. We intend on cosleeping. They're totally expecting DH to go out on a bender, just days after I have abdominal surgery, leaving me alone with a newborn, having to get up to let dogs in and out etc. I mean I'm not so precious that I couldn't do it l, but why should I have to? On what planet is this seen as normal or OK?

I really think it's old fashioned, sexist nonsense. A bunch of blokes going out to celebrate a baby by getting pissed, while the actual baby and its exhausted, bleeding mother are left at home to get on with it?

DH totally agrees with me. I said an afternoon pint would be one thing, but we both know that won't be enough for the in laws. They don't drink a lot regularly, but any sort of event seems to be a green light for getting pissed. Maybe OK at weddings but surely not in the first days of having a newborn?

I also feel resentful that even though DH has no interest and has never been a big drinker, for some reason I'm being cast in the role of boring old spoilsport!

People really do treat you differently and have weird expectations once you start to have kids, don't they?

OP posts:
GreenMeerkat · 10/06/2018 19:21

If your DH has no intention of taking part then what exactly is the problem?

Not something we have ever done or has been done by our friends/families but I don't see why you are so angry if your DH isn't actually going to go?

bluemascara · 10/06/2018 19:22

Yanbu... it's an absolute pile of dick

WinnieFosterTether · 10/06/2018 19:23

Hmm, wetting the baby's head is completely different from getting drunk at weddings. They're not really comparable and culturally they fulfil a different role.
Yy 'wetting the baby's head' is about celebrating but it's also about chatting about the life change. In some cultures it happens when the mum is still in hospital. In others, it happens when the mum is home. The women of the family spend time with the baby and mum at home and the men get together elsewhere - pub or a different house.
It's also nothing to do with different expectations because you've had a baby.

Knittedfairies · 10/06/2018 19:25

It’s a feeble excuse for a piss up; I doubt the baby would even be mentioned.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 10/06/2018 19:26

I also thought it was a pint to toast the newborn and then dad goes back to the hospital

Technically this is all it should be.

I’m from the very far north of Scotland. “Wetting the baby’s head” is a BIG THING up there and I wonder if you’re from my neck of the woods, where new dads get made to get SHITFACED.

You’re right. It’s bollocks. It’s just another stupid LADS LADS LADS tradition that IME causes arguments and strife between DH and DW which is exactly not what’s needed when becoming parents for the first time.

Grandmaswagsbag · 10/06/2018 19:27

Surely you all need a little family celebration? My dh didn’t do this, we don’t really have any older relatives that would be in to that sort of tradition but we had family round about a week post birth to share a bottle of fizz. Then you can be involved too and the in laws can go on to the pub if they wish.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/06/2018 19:28

The only times I have known it happen was when mother and baby were still in hospital, and for first babies only. Totally fine imo. After a CS, you will be in for at least one night, so as long as it happened then, then I dont see the problem as it wont affect you at all. But if he doesnt want go then thats also fine, each to their own.

BustopherJones · 10/06/2018 19:36

It’s also never a big thing in my experience as you don’t often know when the baby will arrive. So dad leaves hospital at chucking out time, tells a couple of friends, and everyone meets in the pub to congratulate him.

A planned big thing for after the baby is home is just a bit difficult really. I just wanted shortish visits at that point.

CraftyGin · 10/06/2018 19:43

Wetting the baby’s head is not the same as getting hammered.

Let your DH be an individual.

Andrewofgg · 10/06/2018 20:13

DS was born at 12.30 a.m., I got home at 4.30, woken up by a phone call from an excited rellie at 7.00, spent as long as I could at the hospital; was chucked out at lunchtime so I went to the office; back to the hospital; and when I got home at 7 p.m. I found a note from friends across the road saying Ring at once - first thing you do so I did, and they said Come over and found that they had invited a few mutual friends and fixed dinner and a beer. I was very grateful - and that is as wet as DS’s head ever got!

Original poster
Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 20:19

Ehhh CraftyGin how am I stopping him being an individual when he doesn't want to do it?

PaulHollywood THANK you, yes. Not a kick in the arse away from your direction. Enough that some traditions are shared, it seems. This will NOT be one relaxing pint in a nice beer garden, it will be hours of DH having drinks bought for him by everyone in the place, and not coming home until 3am at a conservative estimate.

Again this is NOT Dh's thing, but that's the way the drinking culture is here.

And I'm pissed off that I'm seen as the nagging wife who is saying no to all of this! DH has been clear that he isn't interested, but they sort of blink at him in total disbelief, ignore everything he has just said, and carry on!

About the big dogs and the lots of stairs 😂 I'm just worried about negotiating them all in the middle of the night, on my own, after a section.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 10/06/2018 20:23

Erm... wetting the baby's head is just a traditional celebration.

^30 years ago it was but I wouldn’t say nowadays

cadburyegg · 10/06/2018 20:29

YANBU this was a tradition back when mothers stayed in the hospital for 1 week+ and had lots of staff to help them care for their new baby, unlike now where you might be discharged same day and sent home with very little support (I realise with a c section that won’t be the case). Things change

Birdsgottafly · 10/06/2018 20:30

"Erm... wetting the baby's head is just a traditional celebration."
"^30 years ago it was but I wouldn’t say nowadays"

As said, it was done wheilst Women were still in hospital, or "lying in" at home.

It was a double celebration, of both Mother and Baby surviving Birth. There's no need for the rubbishing of the tradition, it was a very valid one.

OP how your DH handles this will dictate how things will go in the future. He needs to make it clear that this is his decision and that's the end of it.

TheHandThatRocksTheCradleRules · 10/06/2018 20:33

I can see why a man who left the baby and Mum in hospital may have a couple of drinks with loved ones. Once his family is home, others expecting a bender is plain illogical.

CraftyGin · 10/06/2018 20:34

If it’s not DH’s thing, it’s a non issue. No need for a thread. Everyone can move along. Nothing to see.

Original poster
Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 20:36

Off you fuck then, CraftyGin, plenty of other threads on MN that you can judge as pointless.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 10/06/2018 20:36

I'm sorry that you haven't even had the baby before you realised how things change for men and women upon becoming parents

The traditional celebratory pint is, as pp have said, something that men would do when there is very little else they can do (because mum and baby are being cared for by someone else), they are excited and probably unable to sleep well anyway, and they are relieved that they have a baby and wife who are OK. But if DH doesn't want to do it, then he just needs to say so. This won't be the last time that he needs to stand firm against suggestions of how things should be done

frasier · 10/06/2018 20:40

I’ve never heard of such a thing but would have presumed it meant baptism.

Why would you want to get drunk about a baby? Like a stag night?!

itsarichmansworld · 10/06/2018 20:40

"Fuckballoons Sun 10-Jun-18 20:36:51
Off you fuck then, CraftyGin, plenty of other threads on MN that you can judge as pointless."

I thoroughly enjoyed this post, thank you Grin

CraftyGin · 10/06/2018 20:40

Bit extreme. Hormones?

Original poster
Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 20:42

Not at all pet, I'd say the same thing pregnant, menstruating, or dead. Next.

OP posts:
ICantCopeAnymore · 10/06/2018 20:42

Doubt it's hormones. She probably just wanted to call you out on being a controlling twat.

Original poster
Fuckballoons · 10/06/2018 20:48

Olenna
Quite. Despite DH a) having no interest and b) stating this clearly, nobody can quite believe that he doesn't want to go on an almighty piss up, so they are putting the blame on me-even though I haven't actually given my opinion on the matter as DH is more than able to say "no" himself. Yet automatically he doesn't want to go out and get pissed = I'm a freedom crushing nag. For all they know I could be drowning the man in Smirnoff and begging him to fuck off to the pub.

Plus I think it is absolutely ridiculous that they expect a man to go on an epic bender mere days after becoming a father. I would bet my last wotsit that if, God forbid, I left the baby with DH and went out drinking a few days after giving birth, the judgement would be brutal. Yet it's totally fine on their eyes, to leave me on my own, with a new baby, after a section.... I'm no wilting violet but I MIGHT JUST appreciate a hand from DH at that particular time....

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 10/06/2018 21:53

It is everyone's individual choice of course
My DH went out for good few pints with his pals ,my bills my dad etc after all my DC were born and Il had CS with 2/3
Don't really see an issue personally