AIBU for hating the Pampas advert thanking midwives.

[ToadsforJustice]

I didn't have a positive experience with any of the MW I had the misfortune of seeing whilst having my DC.

I find the advert really triggering. I don't think I would thank anyone for the misery and pain they caused me.

It's not the fault of midwives that we're in this state. It's a feature of our misogynistic culture.
So why are half the posters here calling them bitches? The most misogynistic way to refer to women?
If you're [not you, directly, generally] going to be a feminist at least be consistent.

Midwives don't run the medical industry.

Hth.

Exactly Mila

But mila we're not a hive mind. I am being consistent. I don't speak for all women. I can do no more.

YANBU
4 pregnancies and I never had a midwife I trusted. Some were just awful, some incompetent, some both.
It does seem to be a problem with the system/culture rather than individuals.

Yes obviously most midwives are women themselves. And some of the birthing women midwives care for will go on and train to be midwives themselves. Plenty of birthing women are also NHS nurses, doctors, healthcare workers etc so there are overlaps, it isn't like we exist in a 'women' and 'HCPs' catergory

Midwives don't deserve to be treated like shit, nobody does. That's the point. There seems to be this attitude that birthing women shouldn't be afforded the basic manners, kindness, respect of their autonomy and human rights that they would expect in all other aspects of life.

said that women expect perfection and are naturally disappointed by anything less

No I just wanted us both alive. I don't think that is an unreasonable outcome to hope for.

chewed

Let me break it down for you:

Our culture is misogynistic.

Women's health has always been a low priority.

Even when women are heavily involved in the direct care, those attitudes prevail.

Also I and several other posters have acknowledged that things do go very wrong, and some midwives and doctors are awful. I like to consider both sides.

Are you going to acknowledge that some of these stories are exaggerated/ untrue (see above - a team of medical rapists?) and that sometimes people’s perceptions are skewed for different reasons?

Anxiouspeh - well, that’s got me learned:
Midwives - all misogynists
Women calling midwives evil bitches - right on feminists

Birth is a feminist issue and misogynistic attitudes still do prevail in maternity care, just because most midwives and nurses are women really doesn't change that

There seems to be this attitude that birthing women shouldn't be afforded the basic manners, kindness, respect of their autonomy and human rights that they would expect in all other aspects of life.
Actually women cannot expect those things in any other area of life, employment, education.
Nobody on here has said that women should be treated like shit by midwives and that negligence shouldn't be questioned. I and a few others have said that midwives work under horrific conditions and often have things like PTSD themselves.

Not one person has said someone who has suffered negligence should expect that or that that is ok. But some pregnant women love to jump onto this angry nasty mob attack towards midwives for relatively minimal matters which are part and parcel of an underfunded and understaffed service. Yes we should always be treated with compassion and patience but it doesn't always happen and that shouldn't mean there's a witch hunt as there only ever is with midwives, as opposed to any other profession.

Nobody has called a male doctor a bastard I note. Just bitches.

I've not read the thread in its entirety but yanbu

I feel exactly the same about this advert and I'm another one who can't watch one born every minute

My experiences were horrific.

The midwives were vile on every occasion and I'm not a 'difficult customer'
They made traumatic births much worse.

I should add my community midwives were great but those on delivery suite, should leave the job imo. It's not the kind of job to do it your heart isn't in it.

And as I said l have been abused and assaulted many times at work by members of the public, the abuse is just as significant as some of the things that pps have experienced as patients. However, if we all started insulting and being spiteful towards all our patients because of a select few people would be up in arms. How is it different? And it happens to us a lot.

We are brought up to expect basic manners and respect though, no? I certainly think women should expect respect and manners in the workplace and other areas of life?

I do understand your other points though, I think threads like this end up very mixed up and confusing

I loathed all the midwives i encountered.

Hth.

MrsPicklesonSmythe Sun 10-Jun-18 15:37:25
Yabu.
Sorry you had a bad experience but 99% of the many mw's I've encountered in my three pregnancies and births have been hardworking, supportive and bloody fantastic at their jobs.

Bully for you. Maybe you could try to be grateful and gracious rather than rubbing salt in the wounds of those who received poor mw care.

I wonder if all the posters who ‘loathe all midwives’ or find midwives ‘vile’ are the sort of people who say they could never work for a female boss, or say they are more of a ‘mans’ girl, who don’t get on with women?

Interestingly, people never say this shit about nurses. I wonder if it’s because midwives are autonomous women practitioners, whereas nurses tend to be seen as ‘working for’ doctors ( who people assume to men).

That’s not to shit on nurses - they are awesome!

Actually, maybe the midwives who are bastards have had enough of being abused and assaulted by members of the public and working in shit conditions and have just had enough? Could explain it a bit? I'm guessing they aren't allowed a free pass to be nasty though like the pps?

Chewedupcucumber Mon 11-Jun-18 22:12:09
I wonder if all the posters who ‘loathe all midwives’ or find midwives ‘vile’ are the sort of people who say they could never work for a female boss, or say they are more of a ‘mans’ girl, who don’t get on with women?

Not me, I am a staunch feminist. But midwives, ugh, all about them and nothing to do with the client. I paid a specialist 4K for a c-section simply to avoid midwives.

Thank you for not making us endure you as a patient cheesey.

I'm really sorry for the people who haven't had positive experiences but I have nothing but praise for midwives. I've had 3 babies and although a couple of midwives were a bit brusque - telling me I wasn't in "proper" labour with my first and needed to go home and come back when things were actually painful (She was right!!) - I have been shown such care and compassion by amazing ladies who couldn't have been more caring.

I had a home birth with my 3rd and the midwife who looked after me was AMAZING. My baby was very poorly after he was born (nothing to do with the birth) and me and my husband will never forget how lovely she was.

chewedup

I didn't call anyone a bitch. So why are you hurling that at me. I only take responsibility for my comments, funnily enough.

Well, you haven’t called it out, have you?
You’re quick to call people mysogynists, but not the people actually being misogynistic.

Why are the midwives in here so adamant to defend all midwives. Some branches of Tesco have appalling staff who treat customers like dirt, does that mean if you work in a nicer branch you need to defend the awful stores of Tesco across the country? No. So just because your ward is lovely doesn't mean all wards are and to dismiss women's traumatic experiences is plain nasty.