I have gone very very wrong somewhere with DD.

[TokenBritPoshOfCourse]

I am mortified. Dd is 14. Last year I got her and ds1 (15) an iPhone SE each, which happened to be the same phone I had.

She broke hers within a month. I paid for it to be repaired and she broke it again (dropped it both times).

DH upgraded his android phone so she was given his old handset (Samsung galaxy). She has done nothing but moan about it really, the camera is ‘shit’, she can’t download stuff she wants, it’s not an iPhone. We have pulled her up on this every time btw.

I have upgraded my phone and the new one (iPhone 8) arrived this morning. DD was hovering wanting to know what the parcel was and I said, ooh, you’ll be happy because this means you’ll have an iPhone again. She rapidly cycled through thinking I meant the new phone was for her, to realising I meant she could have my old one, to hysterical tears and then utter rage at me.

She has stamped her way around the house yelling that I need to apologise to her because I led her to believe she was getting a new iPhone, that it’s not fair I get a brand new phone and she gets my cast offs, that I’m out of order for getting myself a new phone when mine still works and that she deserves a new one before me.

I just don’t know where to go from here. Obviously she isn’t now getting my ‘old’ phone. I am disgusted by her attitude but I don’t know how to fix this. DH wants to take her phone away entirely, and her laptop, camera, tv etc. She is totally spoilt and entitled and I don’t really know what to do. For context ds1 and ds2 (6) have all the same mod cons but a totally different attitude.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this? She’s been sent to her room but is still raging that I need to apologise to her for ‘leading her on’ thinking she was getting a new iPhone 8.

Harkening back to what you used to do last century? When has teaching your child to develop a healthy work ethic been cast as something from a by gone era? Only a moron would want to raise a child that will still be living in their home unemployed at 30yo. There are plenty of things a 14 yo child can work at to get and earn money! Why would anyone want to instill laziness and a beggars mind set into their children? Stop with this painless problem free childhood nonsense. News flash, working in a capitalist Western society is exploitive, get over it. You work hard you earn, even at 14. Let your daughter learn to EARN an iPhone or to set her sights on something more affordable and adequate for a minor child of 14: like an Android. Good luck. Reality ALWAYS Trumps idealized childhood nonsense. Trust m

Nothing to simmer down.dont worry about me concern yourself with the kid that will be cussing you out in your own home while you take away his computer

None of my children have ever been expected to earn their own money at 14 Bashun. They've grown into particularly nice, kind caring teens and young adults. That's my reality. I am sorry yours is so different.

I never had a job until I was 16, I am a perfectly capable person with my own home. Husband and kids.
14 is too young to work in a job outside family homes imo.
What's wrong with them earning pocket money for mowing the lawn, washing the car etc etc. 🙄

As others have suggested I used to pay my DC to clean for me from age 13-16 £5 (well above minimum wage at the time) an hour, they still had to do their normal chores unpaid ie keep own room clean, make lunches do own ironing etc
I miss it - they did a fab job and these days I have to do my own ironing and pay £12 an hour for a cleaner
They both got part time jobs in retail whilst at 6th form and university which allowed them to learn to drive and buy and insure first car, whilst still having an active social life going to concerts festivals etc
They are adults now with a great work ethic and I’m very proud of them both
As a lone parent money was quite tight and I couldn’t afford to give them much money although I’ve always helped within my means

Bashun you remind me of my mum, the mum I vowed to never be like when I became a mum and I'm glad I stuck to that. Rage and the desire to control, not healthy in a mother.

I'm pretty sure the OP has said clearly that her dd won't be getting a job so it may be time to stop the geographic job comparison conversation?

Of course not, you live in a location where this is totally impossible. And your 14 year old is apparently "clueless" which isn't a great recommendation for employment anyway.

She'd be clueless as a babysitter, yes, she has absolutely zero interest in small children. Do I detect irritation Barbarian?

Sorry but I think that's bollocks. Which parts of the country exactly.

Any part of the country where there are plenty of people over 16 available for jobs. Why employ a 14 year old when you can employ someone older especially with the employment restriction for those under 16.

I wouldn't employ a 14 year old to babysit anyway but especially not when there are 16 years and over available.

17 year old babysitters with their own cars are ten a penny here. Noone needs a 14 year old (and I don't want to have to pick one up at midnight which is what needs to happen when there is no public transport. I might as well save the petrol money and just give them a tenner!)

I wouldn't get angry at all. I would just calmly say that as she isn't happy with cast offs, you will sell your old phone and she can continue with her current phone. I would tell her that as she has broken her previous iPhone twice and the cost of repairing a new screen on the newest iPhone is extortionate, it makes no logical sense for the iPhone 8 to be hers, instead to be for a responsible adult.

Kill her with logic and don't back down or give her even a hint of a reaction. She doesn't want your cast off, that's fine. She can't have a new phone because she is too careless. All that needs to be said. I'm sure she will come out of it and decide she is happy with cast offs after all.

But in which parts is this the case? This is not something I've ever come across. Ime 16 year olds concentrate on the better paying jobs with more regular hours (babysitting/shop work etc) and the 14 year olds do the bit work (leaflets, paper rounds, car washing, odd jobbing).

Please name a part of the country where no 14 year old works.

Oh and don't take her phone and other stuff away. Getting forceful with a teen isn't going to help matters. The issue here is about the new phone and your old phone being a cast off. Don't escalate it into every bit of tech she owns.

Please name a part of the country where no 14 year old works

I am sure there are some working 14 year olds where I live but I don't know any of them.

There is 1 newsagent where i live no fruit trees and even when I was 14 a million years ago nobody wanted 14year old babysitters I think 14 year olds can manage to mature into civillised working adults without going up chimneys

But in which parts is this the case? This is not something I've ever come across. Ime 16 year olds concentrate on the better paying jobs with more regular hours (babysitting/shop work etc) and the 14 year olds do the bit work (leaflets, paper rounds, car washing, odd jobbing).

Earlier you said that 14 year old could babysit. Have you changed your mind on that now? I wouldn't want children washing my car due to the fact that they often don't do a good job. There are loads of places that wash cars cheaply nowadays and would do a better job. Not many leaflets are delivered nowadays either and as they are usually delivered in the daytime, the job is usually done by adults. 14 year olds can do jobs such as paper rounds but there are hardly any such jobs nowadays because very few people have newspapers delivered! As I said times have moved on.

Jesus @Bashun I feel extremely sorry for your children if you think violence is the way to assert 'your power'

Awful parenting.

Not read the full thread but I agree with the principle of earning extra money as a teen. Let her earn her own iPhone and I bet she’ll take better care of it. I had jobs from 14 - working in a shop, restaurant, light waitressing etc - and it gave me a fantastic work ethic. It also taught me the value of money. It leads into time organisation too - have to do homework etc now because I’m at work later. I met, worked with and interacted with people who were older, from different backgrounds, generally different from me, which is great experience too. You then hit the ground running in the workplace as a young adult.

It’s not that long ago. All my friends bar a couple had jobs. Meant that when we started going out, it was self funded and we all had the wit and wherewithall to get uni jobs both in term time and at home at the drop of a hat because we had both experience and nous. So we didn’t have the same debt levels as many.

We are financially very well off. It’s entirely self made through graft. We give our kids little financially and they have little tech so far. They will be encouraged to get jobs, and if not, we will not immediately fund for our children the lifestyle we have spent years creating through our own hard work. Why would we? What on earth would it tell them about hard work being rewarded?

For me, a work ethic is far more important than any academic education. I don’t think we do kids any favours these days by molly coddling them and throwing them out at uni time unable to navigate the workplace.

We both work in the professions. You can see those who’ve never worked before a mile off. They are wet behind the ears, seem immature, and don’t get the social nuances of working with very different people. They are like little baby adults - big body but no maturity. Add in the natural entitlement that most millennials have (sad but true, first hand experience) and we have a huge situation both economically and socially in the next generation.

My Dd is 16 and would love a job, no where is hiring and shes asked everywhere.
NOT babysitting because she doesn't like kids!

We both work in the professions

What profession?

And do you know what, my Dd acts like OP's Dd often occasionally but when push comes to shove she's a good kid.
I just spent a week in hospital, she looked after the house and our 4 cats, obviously sorted out all her own meals, started her first week of 6th year and made a few visits to me an hour away on public transport, plus dealt with calling the ambulance wtf.

The OP's Dd had a dickhead teenager strip, it's really not time to condemn her to a life of crime/delinquency.

At 16 you can get proper jobs. Can’t remember the age I got my first waitressing/Asda jobs but it was similar. Before that I babysat and did childminding, washed cars, mowed lawns, did people’s shoppjg, did jobs round the home for coins too. A keen kid will find a way to be useful. Let them be innovative!

And I had jobs all through both sets of public exams. Straight A’s. It doesn’t affect performance any more than keeping up a sport, hobby or other interest. Entirely healthy balance.

We are lawyers.