I have gone very very wrong somewhere with DD.

[TokenBritPoshOfCourse]

I am mortified. Dd is 14. Last year I got her and ds1 (15) an iPhone SE each, which happened to be the same phone I had.

She broke hers within a month. I paid for it to be repaired and she broke it again (dropped it both times).

DH upgraded his android phone so she was given his old handset (Samsung galaxy). She has done nothing but moan about it really, the camera is ‘shit’, she can’t download stuff she wants, it’s not an iPhone. We have pulled her up on this every time btw.

I have upgraded my phone and the new one (iPhone 8) arrived this morning. DD was hovering wanting to know what the parcel was and I said, ooh, you’ll be happy because this means you’ll have an iPhone again. She rapidly cycled through thinking I meant the new phone was for her, to realising I meant she could have my old one, to hysterical tears and then utter rage at me.

She has stamped her way around the house yelling that I need to apologise to her because I led her to believe she was getting a new iPhone, that it’s not fair I get a brand new phone and she gets my cast offs, that I’m out of order for getting myself a new phone when mine still works and that she deserves a new one before me.

I just don’t know where to go from here. Obviously she isn’t now getting my ‘old’ phone. I am disgusted by her attitude but I don’t know how to fix this. DH wants to take her phone away entirely, and her laptop, camera, tv etc. She is totally spoilt and entitled and I don’t really know what to do. For context ds1 and ds2 (6) have all the same mod cons but a totally different attitude.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this? She’s been sent to her room but is still raging that I need to apologise to her for ‘leading her on’ thinking she was getting a new iPhone 8.

It's easy to sell your phone on line and I was surprised at how much my old iPhone was worth.

www.gazelle.com/iphone

I think they get resold in africa or asia mostly.

You get knew things because you know how not to break them. When she can not break them, then she can get a new one. Until then she gets hand me downs

Oh and If her android works, let her keep that. Don't give her your se

Get her to tell you why the model if her phone is so important to her that she has behaved so badly. Try to get her to see that allowing those reasons (peer pressure etc) to make her so angry is not going to help her achieve her goals. Sounds like she has a lot going on in her head and this tantrum is her trying to say she can't cope with the conflicting and confusing feelings.

www.amazon.co.uk/Speck-73428-1909-CandyShell-Grip-iPhone-White-Black/dp/B00NOHAC8G/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=speck+iphone+6+case&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1528746381&sr=8-3

You seem to have it sorted out. Giving me nightmares as I have a 12yo DD!
Just wanted to say I have a case like this one and when I drop my phone it’s been really good, it’s rubbery so seems to absorb the impact.

I don't think describing your daughter as a 'twat' is very nice or helpful.

Pop this note on her door
www.professorshouse.com/the-world-does-not-owe-you-anything/

Always we hear the cry from teenagers “What can we do, where can we go?”

‘My answer is this: Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons, and after you’ve finished, read a book. Your town does not owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun.

‘The world does not owe you a living, you owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in sickness and lonely again. In other words, grow up, stop being a cry-baby, get out of your dream world, and develop a backbone not a wishbone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important, you are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now and that somebody is you!”

I've had iPhones and I've sold the previous models for between £550 - £600 privately, I look after my phones though, no scratches or blemishes etc.

Noone would buy an iPhone SE for £550 or 600 privately.

don't think you're the target audience though, there's nothing wrong with that apart from when you post opinion as fact.

If you mean I'm not a total sucker who would buy your second hand iphone for £600 then I agree am not the "target audience".

I've had iPhones and I've sold the previous models for between £550 - £600 privately, I look after my phones though, no scratches or blemishes etc.

Noone would buy an iPhone SE for £550 or 600 privately.hmm

don't think you're the target audience though, there's nothing wrong with that apart from when you post opinion as fact.

If you mean I'm not a total sucker who would buy a second hand iphone SE for £600 then I agree am not the "target audience". It is pretty easy to see what they sell for on the internet.

Go to tesco or other supermarket and buy a PAG brick phone

Put £10 credit on it

If the behaviour happens again just swap her phone with the brick for 24 hours

She will then learn to appreciate whatever old phone she gets

But in reality she really needs to start going out to work, delivering newspapers at weekends, walking neighbourhood dog, shopping for elderly/infirm neighbour/babysitting/washing cars or cutting grass or weeding for neighbours or washing up in local cafe - loads of different things she can do each Saturday

That will teach her to take care of things cos she will have been to work to earn the money - then she can buy whatever phone she wants

@altiara heh, yea! I drop my phone a crazy stupid amount, I’ve used speck cases for many years! Not a single crack since I did. After 3 years I did have to replace a case :P

I also currently use a grip version right now :)

my 6 year old had a tantrum yesterday ... I abandoned my shopping and cancelled her 7th birthday party

I really hope that is a joke. Poor little 6yo, it'll break her heart. There's a lot lot better ways of handling tantrums.

Saturday job. Babysitting. World of work :)

She is awful and you have already totally ruined her. I am deadly serious.

Rubbery phone case though...

I’ve dropped my iPhone 5S on the hard floor so many times and it looks like new. It’s got to the point where every upgrade slows it down and takes up so much space I’ve had to delete most of my apps, so I need to replace it soon with something that is definitely not a shitty overpriced iPhone designed to last two years and a day but it looks brand new.

Definitely going to leave my abusive relationship with Apple though.

Enough is enough.

Do you think that she might have learned that having the latest gadgets are important from you / dh (as you have just bought yourself a brand new phone that costs about a grand)?

She seems to have a lot of gadgets for a 14 year old.

I think the mistake was to buy her a new iPhone when she broke the first one. She needs to get a big ugly heavy duty case and learn to look after stuff, as if she doesn't she doesn't get another one.

Things like expensive gadgets should be Christmas or birthdays and only replaced by money they've earned or at the next birthday etc. They can survive with a basic Nokia for emergency phone calls.

Oh, god, so sympathise. It's not your fault. You haven't gone wrong. I'd also sympathise with her a bit because it is really hard to want things that are advertised at you and all your friends might have. Someone above said use the 'cheerful no.' I agree. And then at some point give her your old phone when shes had time to think it through.

I'm off to bed and don't have time to read all this but just want to say...

'She is totally spoilt and entitled and I don’t really know what to do. For context ds1 and ds2 (6) have all the same mod cons but a totally different attitude. '

So she is not 'spoiled' because you have treated all three children the same and yet she is the way acting up. It is not your fault.

Personally, I would not take her phone away for any length of time. I would take it away for short bursts of time, an hour after dinner on a regular basis or something. Talk to her about how she is behaving and see if you can get to the bottom of it it. She may have some issues at school, with bullies, romance, or any other issue.

Really agree with robotcartrainhat

'...and dont worry that youve gone 'completely wrong with her' this is pretty standard teen self centredness and defensiveness. I think most parents will get this reaction from teenage girls over something at some point and the girls will go on to mature and become decent adults.
Everything is overwhelming at that age and you feel like the world is against you even when it really really isnt and actually you are getting a pretty good deal out of things.'

My dd is 13 (hand holding in solidarity) her brother just broke her phone!!!

And find connection with her, some things to do to build connection.

I;m doing a secular course from a Christian Charity, 'Care for the Family' by DVD 'Parenting teens'; and it is very good, it's not religious at all.

www.careforthefamily.org.uk/shop/parenting-resources/dvds/parentalk-the-teenage-years

Got to say, if my DS broke his phone, and he has, it's tough titties. He should look after it. He's lived with whole chunks of glass out of one (he could still use it, remarkably).

I've also upgraded and kept my old phone, no way is he getting the old one.

I doubt she'll find a job at 14. You sound as though you've handled it well Op

Girls have far more peer pressure than boys to have the latest social media. Giving her a Nokia is like giving your ds a rubiks cube instead of fortnite on the ps4. Not saying she doesn't deserve it, just that it means more to them than we realise

If my daughter behaved like that she’d lose every electrical item, told in no uncertain terms why and made to get a Saturday job to pay for anything she wants in future.

She's being unfair and spoiled. She has made it clear that she doesn't take good care of her phones, so why on earth would you buy her a new iPhone 8 instead of updating your own phone? At this point, I would give her a cheap pay-as-you-go mobile with minimal or no smart features and explain that when she can be grateful and careful, she can upgrade, but for now, she's getting a phone worthy of her attitude and care.

IHaveBrilloHair - brillo comment, you're so right

TokenBritPoshOfCourse, when I saw the thread title and read what had happened, I must admit, my first thought was "she should be so lucky it's just a teenage strop!" So I think you've handled it fine now, as you say: "She’s a good kid really, I was a fucking nightmare at her age drinking and smoking and the worst we get from DD is the odd unreasonable strop."
Enjoy your new phone!

I don't think describing your daughter as a 'twat' is very nice or helpful.

Oh FFS.

Gosh SeaEagle. I missed that one.

Parents, who cancel their children’s parties because they act like children are complete arseholes. I hope this poster gets bitten on the arse one day.