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AIBU?

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Original poster

I have gone very very wrong somewhere with DD.

526 replies

TokenBritPoshOfCourse · 10/06/2018 11:50

I am mortified. Dd is 14. Last year I got her and ds1 (15) an iPhone SE each, which happened to be the same phone I had.

She broke hers within a month. I paid for it to be repaired and she broke it again (dropped it both times).

DH upgraded his android phone so she was given his old handset (Samsung galaxy). She has done nothing but moan about it really, the camera is ‘shit’, she can’t download stuff she wants, it’s not an iPhone. We have pulled her up on this every time btw.

I have upgraded my phone and the new one (iPhone 8) arrived this morning. DD was hovering wanting to know what the parcel was and I said, ooh, you’ll be happy because this means you’ll have an iPhone again. She rapidly cycled through thinking I meant the new phone was for her, to realising I meant she could have my old one, to hysterical tears and then utter rage at me.

She has stamped her way around the house yelling that I need to apologise to her because I led her to believe she was getting a new iPhone, that it’s not fair I get a brand new phone and she gets my cast offs, that I’m out of order for getting myself a new phone when mine still works and that she deserves a new one before me.

I just don’t know where to go from here. Obviously she isn’t now getting my ‘old’ phone. I am disgusted by her attitude but I don’t know how to fix this. DH wants to take her phone away entirely, and her laptop, camera, tv etc. She is totally spoilt and entitled and I don’t really know what to do. For context ds1 and ds2 (6) have all the same mod cons but a totally different attitude.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this? She’s been sent to her room but is still raging that I need to apologise to her for ‘leading her on’ thinking she was getting a new iPhone 8.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 11/06/2018 18:46

You've raised a hideous, spoilt brat Shock
Your daughter I’m sorry to say is the end product of your parenting. Shock
Where do people find such witty repartee? I despair. Hmm

Miladamermalada · 11/06/2018 18:47

Maybe she's just having a bad day. Maybe she's got PMT. Maybe she's got tensions in her life at school. It's not easy being a 14 year old girl and learning to manage your feelings and hormones.
Maybe not but no excuse to scream and bang about like a spoilt brat because you haven't been bought a piece of technology worth hundreds of pounds. She isn't 2.
It is quite concerning the amount of posters who see this behaviour as acceptable and that it demands 'kindness'. I wouldn't condone abuse but would not show kindness as a response to this, OP isn't a total mug.
She needs to be grateful for what she has and the DH is right.

Thesearepearls · 11/06/2018 18:48

Your daughter I'm sorry to say is the end product of your parenting

See, I believed that shit until I had children. I genuinely believed that nurture was all and nature meant nothing.

Until I had kids

chicaxe · 11/06/2018 18:51

Grown women get cross and unreasonable with their loved ones when they are hormonal.
Teenage girls are only just encountering these hormones and it takes them a few years to learn how to handle them.

Nanny0gg · 11/06/2018 18:51

Your daughter I'm sorry to say is the end product of your parenting.

Bollocks.

Yours are perfect then, Earthakitty?

Beamur · 11/06/2018 18:54

13/14 is the peak time for unreasonableness in teens...

cheapskatemum · 11/06/2018 18:56

You are the parent, she is the child. Your house, your rules, what you say goes. You say she gets the old phone, you get the new one. That's the line, stick with it. Anything else is probably due to hormones, so rise above it.

Sending you love & hugs, parenting teenagers is hard work and you sound like you're being too nice.

rosesandflowers · 11/06/2018 18:56

Maybe not but no excuse to scream and bang about like a spoilt brat because you haven't been bought a piece of technology worth hundreds of pounds. She isn't 2.
It is quite concerning the amount of posters who see this behaviour as acceptable and that it demands 'kindness'. I wouldn't condone abuse but would not show kindness as a response to this, OP isn't a total mug.

Acceptable doesn't equal understandable.
Acceptable doesn't equal normal.

Hector2000 · 11/06/2018 18:57

Don’t beat yourself up about your parenting. We’re all in a glasshouse and should resist throwing stones 🤗 My sons aren’t teenagers yet so I caveat my view with the fact I have no direct experience, but I used to teach teenagers and in my view (just my view) take it all away and get her to earn it back with sustained good behaviour and helpfulness over a period of time. All delivered calmly. My sister was a total nightmare teenager but turned out, as a fully-fledged adult, to be the best daughter a mum could wish for, so try also to keep hold of the lovely sunny side of your girl - it will reappear again I’m sure. Hugs 👍👍

Miladamermalada · 11/06/2018 18:59

What does acceptable mean?

BillywilliamV · 11/06/2018 19:02

I dont think anyone who has not actually had teenagers of their own, (this century ) should ever offer advice about how to deal with them. Because it all looks SO bloody easy from the outside!

Feilin · 11/06/2018 19:08

You know what? Do what you feel is best but save this thread somewhere if you can and show her at alater date. My sister was horrific as a teen . Full on . I called her Kevina (kevin and perry)

blackeyes72 · 11/06/2018 19:17

I have a nearly 14 year old and she claims she is "the only one in school without an iphone". She has a clapped out android MOTO G, which she had for 2 years now.

One thing that worked for me this year - I told her that if she worked really hard for her end of year exams she could have an iPhone (not the latest one mind). She totally bought into that and has worked mega hard.

Maybe something she can do to earn it is a good idea, whether it's a job (babysitting?) or doing something for you or achieving something?

mellicauli · 11/06/2018 19:20

If you talk to her you'll find she knows what she did was wrong...she was just really disappointed and couldn't control her emotions and it all came tumbling out. That's because she's a teenager and her brain us not fully developed. Talk her through it , give her the benefit if the doubt

Icanttakemuchmore · 11/06/2018 19:31

Apologies as nrtft but she has broken her phone twice so doesn't deserve a new phone. She would only break it or worse lose it. You work for what you gave and she hasn't earnt it and it's not her birthday. Take things away from her to teach her some manners and she earns back her stuff. Make her appreciate the things she likes/treasures.

Icanttakemuchmore · 11/06/2018 19:32

Have*

Justaboy · 11/06/2018 19:44

She has a clapped out android MOTO G, which she had for 2 years now

Lucky girl:) I've had one for three years now and its faultless and damm robust it took my whole body weigth in a fall once not a scratch on it.

I would never ever have an iphone or any Crapple producet either;!.

Carycach100 · 11/06/2018 19:47

She dropped the phones , she didn't purposefully or probably even carelessly break them.Teenagers are clumsy, their bodies are growing so fast they are difficult to control.Their bodies and minds are not in synch during this period
Poeple keep going on about 'weekend jobs for a 14 year old
Councils usually require permits for employing under 16s and a lot more restrictions on what they can do.In this area it is nigh on impossible for a 14 year old to get a Saturday job.. Quite apart from that, school is a fulltime job -leaving at 8 and getting home at 4 or 4.30 plus homework .

Carycach100 · 11/06/2018 19:48

Also OP- do you know what mortified means?

QueenDoris · 11/06/2018 19:55

OP, you have my sympathy. When DD was 14 she was, to put it mildly, a right pain. Phones were the least of it. Cigarettes, vodka and boys were a bigger issue. The best advice I received was that you should show your child that you will love them unconditionally whilst making sure there are clear boundaries that they have to adhere to. How strict you are is up to your parenting style - as long as you are consistent and fair.

DD is now out the other side and a vaguely sensible 16 yr old. However, come the end of GCSEs I fear a summer of going bonkers.......... Smile

Original poster
TokenBritPoshOfCourse · 11/06/2018 20:02

Everyone’s calmed down now and peace is restored. I’ve put the Se away for now and I’ll make a decision on whether she can have it based on her behaviour for the rest of the term.

She’s a good kid really, I was a fucking nightmare at her age drinking and smoking and the worst we get from DD is the odd unreasonable strop. She knows she was a twat and I’ve apologised for ‘misleading her’ (but only a token apology, iyswim).

All good. And I do know what mortified means, that was an odd comment.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 11/06/2018 20:09

Sounds good. Only just over a month to go. I think the decision to sell it was a little hasty. Glad all is peaceful!

FuckPants · 11/06/2018 20:20

I don't think you can sell them for that much usually. The dealers might sell them for that much if in excellent condition but they would have paid a lot less for them. I certainly wouldn't give a private seller £150 for an old iphone.

I've had iPhones and I've sold the previous models for between £550 - £600 privately, I look after my phones though, no scratches or blemishes etc.

I don't think you're the target audience though, there's nothing wrong with that apart from when you post opinion as fact.

TheCatofAthenry · 11/06/2018 20:21

OP you're good people. Gin

Biblio78 · 11/06/2018 20:25

Sounds like you and DH have handled it. all the best!