to think it's silly not to have sex just because I'm pregnant?

[BlueSwirlBabe]

DP won't have sex even though I'm only 18 weeks. Says he's not comfortable with it as he thinks baby can tell. I've told him otherwise and shown him the research to go with it. We haven't had sex since baby was conceived as he thinks it is 'wrong'. He won't look at me and I just feel ugly and unattractive.

I'm not saying he has to have sex with me, of course. Nobody should do anything they aren't comfortable with. AIBU however to be gutted by this? 9 months of no sex and then some.

I'm considering ordering from love honey as if he ain't giving it to me then I'll do it myself!

I didn't say this was definitely the case for OP's relationship but it does happen: men can either lose all desire for their partner once she is pregnant (because motherhood is sacred etc) and therefore have to find other women to do sex to (men with this mindset don't like women much and are therefore often fairly useless at sex anyway) - or they can lose desire for a pregnant woman because they see her as 'fat' and therefore will start sniffing around other women...

Well mine went off sex when I was pregnant and wasn't having an affair nor "sniffing" round other women. Regained a sex life no bother once baby was born.

My exh was like this. I got pregnant and then he didnt come near me till baby was practically a toddler. It was horrible.

I understand it is horrible but did you ask him why?

YANBU, but I’d be thrilled to not have to have sex now I’m six months gone.

Last thing i wanted when pregnant was sex! I was lucky that partner was fine with that.

DH was exactly the same. Our relationship never really recovered, but there were a million other, more serious reasons for that.

I think it shows that the person is squeamish, which is offputting, and also shows they cant reconcile the idea of a woman being both a lover and a mother. Also if someone cant cope with the idea of sex because of pregnancy, how will they cope with doing it after seeing childbirth?
I think its bad news. It was for us. The relationship never recovered.

Well mine recovered.
I could quite clearly know my wife as a lover and a mother but I just couldn't do it during pregnancy as it felt wrong to do it.
I coped perfectly fine during childbirth and we still have a good sex life now

Mine also recovered. Happy loving relationship.

I feel a bit weird about it, I know the baby has no concept but I definitely don’t want sex and my baby in the same headspace!!

My DH isn’t affected by it at all though and if I’m in the mood nor am I, it’s only thinking about it at other times when I’m not remotely horny. Certainly didn’t stop us anyway!

Nothing wrong or surprising about you feeling hurt OP and you shouldn’t feel bad, I’m sorry he feels this way.

Same here

No problems post baby

Now we have teenagers its much more difficult

Having said that it has occurred to me that we didnt have sex in the early months due to the threat of miscarriage so that may have played a part in his little fat head

It's so sad that people can say things like "If he truly loved and fancied you he wouldn't stop wanting to make love" I assume that a man saying this would be a 'coercive and abusive bastard' etc.

Also, surely saying "making love" is a massive turn off.

Fortunately the OP isn't stupid enough to think this.

I have a good / fine sex life. Very little when pregnant (mostly due to DH) but I can empathise with him. Besides which, TTC became a bit of a chore. It only took 3 months but we're very open and joked about not needing to have sex once I was pregnant.

I see why you could feel unloved but there are far more important ways of showing love for someone than sex.

OP I feel for you. Pregnancy makes me much more keen, and my body much more responsive. It must be gutting to not be able to make the most if that. And yes, as others have said, the intimacy and bonding with your partner can also be very special and reassuring and loving, as your body and identity are changing so much.

Do you think that the reason he's giving could be a red herring? Especially if it's a first baby, could be be anxious about other aspects of becoming a parent, and it's manifesting in decreased sex drive? Can he still show you he desires and adores you physically in other ways?

And yes definitely treat yourself to lots of toys, it would be such a waste to not make the most of your body's current amazing state! (Plus my sex drive really decreased once the baby arrived - different hormones etc and I struggled to turn off my 'mummy' feelings. Don't miss out now.)

Well you are all in the Daily Mail now.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5826415/Would-sex-pregnant.html

I think there's something mentally wrong with men who won't have sex with their partner when she's pregnant. When I was pregnant I told my husband that some men won't have sex with their pregnant wife and he said something along the lines of "WTF is wrong with them?!"

"welshmist

Well you are all in the Daily Mail now.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5826415/Would-sex-pregnant.html"

Oh FFS.

Glad I missed their deadline with my post.

Place that Lovehoney order, get a good selection!

I would be pissed off if my partner suddenly lost desire purely because of pregnancy. It's a bit prissy and old fashioned. I could understand if I'd just got fat and out of shape mind

Everyone is different. If you went through a period when you went off sex, I am hoping he would be understanding. I do not think it is likely to be that he does not fancy you, but rather he feels nervous of doing you or the baby damage, even when he has been reassured about this.

If you want to DIY, why cannot you do that with him there?

I think there's something mentally wrong with men who won't have sex with their partner when she's pregnant. When I was pregnant I told my husband that some men won't have sex with their pregnant wife and he said something along the lines of "WTF is wrong with them?!

Does he also say the same about women who don't want sex when they're pregnant?

What if my husband puts on 5 stone, am I allowed to find it off putting?

I find it more worrying your husband judges people for not having sex.
Why is wrong with him more like

Some men feel like they could hurt you or baby in some way and don’t want to risk it. I doubt it’s anything personal and I highly doubt he doesn’t still find you attractive.

I would advise he takes you up on your offer of sex before the baby is born though else he’s in for a long ass time of celibacy .

Being pregnant is not the same as a man putting on 5 stone! I was trim, fit and blooming lovely (imo!), when pregnant

I tu9nk she's getting at that people are allowed to jot want sex and that's ok and we shouldn't judge people for not having sex if they don't want to