to think it's silly not to have sex just because I'm pregnant?

[BlueSwirlBabe]

DP won't have sex even though I'm only 18 weeks. Says he's not comfortable with it as he thinks baby can tell. I've told him otherwise and shown him the research to go with it. We haven't had sex since baby was conceived as he thinks it is 'wrong'. He won't look at me and I just feel ugly and unattractive.

I'm not saying he has to have sex with me, of course. Nobody should do anything they aren't comfortable with. AIBU however to be gutted by this? 9 months of no sex and then some.

I'm considering ordering from love honey as if he ain't giving it to me then I'll do it myself!

YANBU!
I was rampant when I was pregnant...couldn’t get enough much to DPs delight. Obviously we were gentle and careful but it was a really special time for us and he loved my changing body and bump.
Could you compromise and would he agree to other ways of pleasuring you without penetration? I would feel upset about losing that closeness for so long.

OP I'm in the opposite situation. DH very understanding not even trying to initiate anything, but since I found out I am pregnant I just can't do it. Logically and rationally I know there's absolutely nothing wrong with it at all. I was just starting to get my head around it last week, had another scan and back to square one. I just can't forget it's there, and the doctor made me move around and was tapping on my tummy to get baby to move for a better scan position, and it was wriggling around all over the place, so now I have seen it react to movement it's worse. I just don't know how to get past it, I really didn't think I'd be like this at all!

OP sorry to hear about this. My friends husband is exactly the same and it’s really impacting their relationship. I’m 25 weeks and my boyfriend has jokingly called me a sex pest. I’d struggle if we weren’t having sex because a) I’m horny as hell at the money and b) I think it connects us.

I hope your OH changes his mind but if he doesn’t love honey all the way. The rampant rabbit is my fave!

I would love to have sex!! I'm currently 12 weeks and have orgasmed twice and both times had bleeding so have been advised to stay clear. Poor hubby. I'm scared to do anything and it's awful!

Some men do go a bit funny about it

They worry they are hurting the baby or that the baby can see their penis (yes it's that big dear ) but I don't think anything really helps unless they overcome that fear themselves.

Sometimes a midwife saying sex is perfectly fine and normal can be the nudge some men need

it seems very common for women to go off sex in pregnancy and after the birth. and every is understanding of the so needs to work both ways. some men find pregnancy a turn off.

'Some men find pregnancy a turn off' - so they're happy to shag someone, get them up the duff and then suddenly they're a turn off - what sort misogynistic twat would do that

im not a man so i cant speak for them however i know it happens. my ex told me he didnt like having sex whilst i was pregnant. whether you like it or not no one has to have sex if they dont want to and for whatever reason.

I think we only managed it once during pregnancy

Dh was frightened he was going to hit the baby with his penis

DONT FLATTER YOURSELF MATE!!!

Oooh soubriquet got there first

How did i miss that

(Said the baby)

How does he feel about doing other 'stuff'?
There are lots of ways you could enjoy each other without penetrative sex (if that's the aspect which is bothering him).

I had a male friend who had this issue. From his perspective he just couldn't. He was so worried about his DW and DBaby. Completely irrationally (and I told him that). But his right.

All the research in the world wasn't going to make him horny. Sorry.

Maybe wear a baggy t shirt /sexy nighty to camouflage your bump? Out of sight out of mind?!

He doesn't have to have sex with you.

@wowbutter as stated in my OP.

Thanks all. I'm so friggin' horny but we go to bed at the same time every night. Not like I have time to myself to well... you know... very frustrating and feeling super unattractive

My dh is ok with it until around 28 weeks when the kicks get very big, then it freaks him out a bit. But he has been willing to be intimate in other ways and tbh right now at 37 weeks sex sounds like hell haha.
Obviously you can't make him have sex with you but maybe discuss other forms of sexual intimacy and see what he thinks about that.

Tell him unless he’s got a very very very long and thin (like string thin) penis then it’s fine

YABU if he doesn't want to have sex then you should respect that. I found it bizarre when I was pregnant and we didn't have sex at all! Luckily my husband didn't question me.

Lethaldrizzle why do you think finding pregnancy a turn off makes you a misogynistic twat? You can't control what turns you on/off.

DH went off sex when I was pregnant. I went off sex when we had a baby. It's a miracle we conceived DC2. Did he learn from the first time round and try and make the most of my increased sex drive during the second pregnancy? Nope.

@ElMarineroBaila I am respectful of it. I tried to ease his fears by showing him that he in fact cannot touch the baby with his penis. He still doesn't want to and that is that. I just wondered how common this was and to be honest, find it silly as baby has no idea what's going on!

Can I make it clear that I'm not trying to force him to have sex (pretty sure that's frowned upon )

I didn't read it as though you were trying to force him, I realise now my comment could have been misinterpreted! I expect just the thought of you having a little baby growing inside you is what creeps him out.

If he truly loved and fancied you he wouldn't stop wanting to make love. Some of the best sex was during my pregnancies.

Dont be silly chocolate