to think it's silly not to have sex just because I'm pregnant?

[BlueSwirlBabe]

DP won't have sex even though I'm only 18 weeks. Says he's not comfortable with it as he thinks baby can tell. I've told him otherwise and shown him the research to go with it. We haven't had sex since baby was conceived as he thinks it is 'wrong'. He won't look at me and I just feel ugly and unattractive.

I'm not saying he has to have sex with me, of course. Nobody should do anything they aren't comfortable with. AIBU however to be gutted by this? 9 months of no sex and then some.

I'm considering ordering from love honey as if he ain't giving it to me then I'll do it myself!

I never felt sexier than when I was pregnant.

I felt beautiful, proud and horny.

DH had no problems with it provided I felt comfortable - but he's not easily freaked our by things like that.

I hope he doesn't expect you to do things for him though if he can't reciprocate. Yes it's fair enough it has freaked him out - he can't help it. But that means he shouldn't expect you to go down on him, for example.

So interesting as how different every partner is.

Eh? I said that if a man, ie, your DP, was here moaning that you refused to have sex with him because you were pregnant, then everyone agreeing with you would be up in arms. You're the one who started going on about pregnant men or something.

some of these comments are unbelievable. if a woman doesnt want to have sex with a man she doesnt need a reason not to yet if its a man apparently his reason is not good enough! tbh its probably just an excuse and he probably just doesnt find you sexually attractive whilst pregnant but doesnt want to hurt your feelings.

@happymummy12345 we got married when I was pregnant too but didn't consummate until night after. It was a loooong day and by the time he said bye to guests (about half hour after myself) I was already out like a light.

@Butterflykissess of course most people would want to hear a reason for why their female partner didn't want to have sex with them for 9 months? I'm not saying he's in the wrong or doing anything awful my point is that his reason (not wanting the baby to feel his penis) is stupid.

Thanks for pointing out that he probably doesn't fancy me right now after I've already stated that my confidence is low because I feel unattractive

If a man was complaining his wife didn't want sex during pregnancy but he wasn't pressuring her he just wanted to vent here, I wouldn't have a go at him at all. I'd only do that if he was disrespecting the wife or guilt tripping her.

So the OP being the reverse she's doing neither therefore I'm not going to have a go at her. If she was emotionally blackmailing then I would.

Blimey I'm just upset because I feel ugly, unsexy, and horny and think DP worrying that his penis is going to hurt our baby contrary to any scientific evidence is silly! Judging by some of these answers you'd think I was trying to force him to have sex every night! I respect his wishes I'm just struggling with it that's all. I don't feel good about myself.

I understand blue. its tough because you're obviously having that glow thing that I missed entirely and hes not feeling it. you're feeling rejected. i think someone else up thread had a good idea that you can compromise on doing other things that don't involve penetration, and then just see how things go. I think you seem like you have your head screwed on and realise this isn't about him loving you. nor do i think its about fancying you, hes just freaking out and whilst i agree with you his reasoning is daft, we can't help how we feel. talk to each other, thats the way forward. x

@TheOriginalEmu absolutely! You're spot on. Thank you 👍🏽

I bet the role will be reversed after baby is born though - he will want it and you less so. A partnership is about give and take. Being aware of each other. Looking after each other. If he doesn’t want it now he’s fair enough. See times when you don’t want it and how he reacts.

It has nothing to do with how you look pregnant. It will be a personal thing. Respect his wishes

@Ubercornsdiscoball I am respecting his wishes.

I didn't have sex while my wife was pregnant OP.
I want to assure you he still thinks you're the most beautiful person in the world and still loves you to the bottom of his heart.
I loved my wife still during pregnancy and thought she was an amazing person.

I didn't have sex with her as mentally I just couldn't do it, deep inside it felt wrong. But I find it horrible for people to suggest for one minute I didn't live or care or cherish my wife while pregnant.

So OP don't feel down I'm sure he loves you and you're still the amazing person he fell in love with. Some guys including me just can't mentally go through with it but doesn't mean we can't love you still.

Hope all works out with you

Blimey! I didn’t say that you weren’t!!

Wow my post made no sense and was so wishy washy

My DH went off sex from about 20 weeks with each pregnancy. I had horrendous SPD and he said I would cry out in pain in my sleep so there was no way he would be asking for sex.

I was very horny until the last couple of weeks, my partner used to say jokingly that his not just a piece of meat 😂 he would also ways make me feel beautiful and always did what I felt comfortable with. The last month though he felt uncomfortable as the babies head is basically hanging out, as he put it lol
When baby is born say good bye to it. Soon as something starts the baba crys 😂😰
But all men are different, doesnt mean tht he dont love you. dont put yourself down, hormones are gonna do that for you at the most silly things :)

No one should feel obliged to have sex just because their partner wants it, obviously.
But a man who goes off sex when his wife is pregnant... that can be an indicator of longterm trouble ahead. Some men have serious madonna/whore issues, so their wives, once pregnant, become sacred mother figures who mustn't be defiled by sex, and Hubby goes off hunting for other women to shove his dick in.

We didn't really have sex, I was too busy throwing up if I moved, but tbh when we did try it felt wrong to both of us - as in physically wrong, no worry about the baby knowing or anything like that, it just wasn't comfortable.

Then I had a third degree tear and it carried on not being comfortable for a while.

ReAnimatedSGB are you serious?! So if a man doesn't want to have sex with his pregnant wife he has whore issues and he's going to cheat?! Where are you getting this random idea from?!

After all the ttc I was bloody grateful for the break to be honest!

BlueSwirlBabe, I’m sure he is just worried, I’m sorry your having such a hard time.

Before our first scan with both my DH didn’t like to do anything because he was that worried about something happening. A lot of men worry and it’s not that they don’t find their ladies the most scrumptious thing since sliced bread!

I’d recommend purchasing the toys to satisfy your physical desire - as that can be super strong for some women during pregnancy! (My guess is you’re having a boy as I was super frisky when pregnant with my boys but the opposite when pregnant with my daughter!)

I then recommend going on dates together, and doing romantic things where you can still feel loved, beautiful and good about yourself. Good luck with it all! (And sorry for some of the shockingly rude and insensitive comments you’re receiving here)

My guess is you’re having a boy as I was super frisky when pregnant with my boys but the opposite when pregnant with my daughter!

When I was pregnant with my boy I didn't want sex the entire pregnancy.

All pregnant women are different.

@potodmwmories I know we’re all different, I was just being light hearted and sharing my experience

@potofmemories rather