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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's silly not to have sex just because I'm pregnant?

120 replies

BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 22:01

DP won't have sex even though I'm only 18 weeks. Says he's not comfortable with it as he thinks baby can tell. I've told him otherwise and shown him the research to go with it. We haven't had sex since baby was conceived as he thinks it is 'wrong'. He won't look at me and I just feel ugly and unattractive.

I'm not saying he has to have sex with me, of course. Nobody should do anything they aren't comfortable with. AIBU however to be gutted by this? 9 months of no sex and then some.

I'm considering ordering from love honey as if he ain't giving it to me then I'll do it myself!

OP posts:
MrJohnReese · 09/06/2018 23:01

I'm 34 weeks and my OH is the same now, he says it doesn't feel right to him with the baby there. He was OK to begin with, things started to dwindle around 24 weeks and no action since around 28 weeks.

He's very affectionate in other ways but I miss the closeness of sex. Not a lot I can do about it. I'm not going to force the issue as it's his choice obviously, and I do understand it

LionAllMessy · 09/06/2018 23:01

I'm amazed so many men are so dumb. But I suppose I probably shouldn't be.

Dobbythesockelf · 09/06/2018 23:02

chocolate that is a horrible thing to say. Maybe he is worried about hurting her. Maybe he can't get past the fact that there is a baby growing inside her. We don't know exactly what is going through his head. Saying that if he truly loved her he would continue to have sex with her is unfair and will in no way help the OP.

smithsinarazz · 09/06/2018 23:03

Weird, isn't it? I was really up for it when I was pregnant, too, even when I was feeling half dead from nausea. DH really fancied me, too, which I totally wasn't expecting, so that was great until I got too big to enjoy it.
i guess if either party isn't really up for it, that's just the way it is, and you have to respect that. But (as others have said) in that case he might not get laid for ages.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 09/06/2018 23:04

He sounds very immature, prudish and rather strange. What a predicament to be in, you've married him.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 09/06/2018 23:04

I've never been as horny as when I was pregnant. My DH was a little concerned that he might hurt me or the baby but once I'd reassured him it was safe we were at it right up until the end. Amazing sex too.

OP, maybe your DH might feel differently if you get the doctor or midwife to reassure him. Alternatively show him this thread. I'm not surprised you're upset. It's horrible to feel your DH doesn't find you attractive.

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 09/06/2018 23:07

I would completely ignore some of the stupid comments on here and get yourself some toys

And it might get better in a few months Smile

Original poster
BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 23:07

@Mountainsoutofmolehills I married him? When did that happen?! Grin

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Original poster
BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 23:08

@Chocolatecoffeeaddict hang on, I'm bummed out re no sex. I'm not questioning whether he loves me or not? That's just crazy!

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Original poster
BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 23:09

@Rufustheyawningreindeer thank you!

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CoffeeCoffeeTea · 09/06/2018 23:09

Of course you can have sex ..... if you can. When I was pregnant , in the distant past, I was so ill I was throwing up constantly .

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 09/06/2018 23:11

No problem blue

Id make him pay for the toys as well Grin

If its any consolation dh was up for it when the baby was much bigger...but then i wasnt !!

FreeMantle · 09/06/2018 23:11

I would personally bit a wary at the beginning. Orgasmic contractions are strong and I miscarried at 16 weeks the day after. I haven't been able to find much research on it though.

Original poster
BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 23:12

@Rufustheyawningreindeer GrinGrinGrin

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Thesearmsofmine · 09/06/2018 23:13

I don’t get men like this. I had sex right up until being overdue with no issues at all.

Original poster
BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 23:16

@Thesearmsofmine I guess for me I go by evidence and research. I'm a scientist and as long as I know that the baby can't tell it isn't an issue for me. DP must be very different to me in his thought patterns (maybe why we get on so well!)

OP posts:
happymummy12345 · 09/06/2018 23:16

You're not being unreasonable at all. I think you need to explain how you're feeling.
I'd of been very unhappy if my husband refused to have sex with me when I was pregnant, especially since we got married when I was pregnant, so defo wouldn't of been happy if he wasn't willing to consummate the marriage on our wedding night Wink

angryburd · 09/06/2018 23:16

If this was a man on here complaining that his pregnant wife wouldn't have sex with him, you'd all be baying for blood.

Original poster
BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 23:18

There's always one ^ Hmm

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Original poster
BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 23:20

@angryburd you could only compare those two situations if the man was pregnant and upset his wife (or partner) wouldn't have sex with him because of this fact. It's a false dichotomy otherwise. You describe an entirely different situation.

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Original poster
BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 23:21

@FreeMantle so sorry you went through this. Orgasm cannot cause miscarriage and you must have been extremely unlucky. I do however thank you for your concern. I've had miscarriages, sorry you've experienced this too Thanks

OP posts:
angryburd · 09/06/2018 23:23

So... a woman can refuse to have sex because she is pregnant, but a man cannot refuse to have sex with a pregnant woman??

Original poster
BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 23:25

@angryburd your initial point was that if he roles were reversed that we would all be changing our opinions, however the scenario you described was a different one entirely.

Anyone can refuse to have sex with anyone, it's called consent.

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Original poster
BlueSwirlBabe · 09/06/2018 23:26

*the

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TheOriginalEmu · 09/06/2018 23:29

If he truly loved and fancied you he wouldn't stop wanting to make love
Hmm yet women go off sex allllll the time in pregnancy. don't be so bloody ridiculous, its nothing to do with love.

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