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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend spends the weekend with me then ‘reviews’ her experience, wtf!?

999 replies

Biscusting · 09/06/2018 21:25

Friend has been good friend during our uni days. We’ve loosely kept in touch over the years, but different career choices, interests, distance and children have pushed us in different directions.

She messages me out out of the blue to ask about staying a weekend with us. We live in an area popular with tourists.

I’m feeling a bit put out, as don’t fancy hosting, but we had no concrete plans and thought it would be a nice catch up.

Anyway she stays we have dinner out one night. She’s spends a day visiting a popular attraction and we have a nice evening in with a selection of nibbles, pizza, cheese and wine etc. Uneventful, pleasant weekend I feel.

Now i’ve just been browsing FB and looked on her page to see if she’d posted any pictures. To find she’d written quite a lengthy post about her stay. I don’t want to copy and paste, but basically it’s along the lines of, ‘had an okay weekend with Biscusting, staying at her place. Found the breakfast underwhelming and conversation with her DH a bit dry.
The sleigh bed in the guest room was too high and I bumped on the wooden edge so often I have a bruise. The room was too small.’.....the WiFi speed was poor at best’

She goes on to critique the decor and waffles on a lot about the tourist attraction she visited. Then ends the post with ‘all in all i’d give her two stars’

Wtaf is this!? Has she mistaken FB for trip advisor and my home for a hotel!?

We don’t have many shared friends, but people have liked her bloody post. 13 people!

Now the thing is she talked about coming back at the end of July for an exhibition and we made relatively firm plans about her return.

AIBU to tell her to jog on?

OP posts:
senua · 11/06/2018 08:59

She hopes we can put it behind us and it won’t affect our friendship.

She needs telling that a glib "sorry" and "moving on..." are not enough. She has hurt you and your DH deeply and you need time to process the incident. It is up to you to decide when you are over it, not her. I'm guessing that you won't be OK until at least AugustWink and even then it will only be for a short meet-up to test the waters and see if the friendship has survived, not a stop-over.

Feb2018mumma · 11/06/2018 08:59

I'm 100 percent no therapist would say... Go to stay with a friend then mark them out of ten... Also she didn't know you were on Facebook... Pfff... that's even worse that she was marking you behind your back! I wouldn't have her back even if she does have health problems, I'm sure if she explained what she did in therapy even her therapist wouldn't expect you to forgive her!

Biscusting · 11/06/2018 08:59

I haven’t responded any further and went to bed last night feeling a bit better. Thank you again for the advice, it’s reassuring.

Woke up this morning to a message from her “hope I can make it up to you and DH in July”

What!!? I am missing something? I’m going to reply to shoot this down right now. Although booking a mini break in July for me and DH is very very tempting.

OP posts:
RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 11/06/2018 09:02
Shock

Make sure you are crystal clear this time, that you will not be hosting her in July. Don’t leave any room for misinterpretation.

RisingPheonix · 11/06/2018 09:03

I've just been given medication for a hormone imbalance. For the past year I've been a bit depressed and had terrible anxiety and insomnia as a result of it. I wish I'd have know this was a free pass to slag off everyone and be a bitch and get away with it.

Do not let her stay in July. I would be breezy about it and say something like "OK, let's just put it behind us now. That said, DH and I have been talking and we have been having a lot of visitors lately because of the good weather and because of where we live. We don't feel that we can keep up this level go hospitality as we are really busy at the moment. We won't be able to have you stay over in July sorry."

jellybeanteaparty · 11/06/2018 09:04

I would reply. It will be impossible for my husband and I to feel comfortable hosting you in our home in July or in the future.

MarthasGinYard · 11/06/2018 09:04

“hope I can make it up to you and DH in July”

Unfortunately It won't be possible to host you, I can send you a list of some other nearby accommodation or check out....tripsdvisor

Op had she forgotten you were on FB temporarily?

MarthasGinYard · 11/06/2018 09:04

“hope I can make it up to you and DH in July”

Unfortunately It won't be possible to host you, I can send you a list of some other nearby accommodation or check out....tripsdvisor

Op had she forgotten you were on FB temporarily?

Amaried · 11/06/2018 09:05

Wtf
You are going to need to be blunt here for the cf that she is..

Tell her that I'm the circumstances you don't think it appropriate she visit your home again..
(It would be the Dh comments that I absolutely couldn't forgive after he welcomed your friend into his home)
The neck on some people!!

DamsonGin · 11/06/2018 09:06

I think you need to be clear about whether you are just putting her off till another time or if you just don't want to host her at all.

BigPinkBall · 11/06/2018 09:06

I’d think something along the lines of “of course this is going to affect our friendship, what you did was very hurtful and I don’t feel that I could welcome you into my home again”

I seriously hate people who think saying “I’ve got issues” excuses them from acting like a human being!

Jaxinthebox · 11/06/2018 09:07

Absolutely make it clear she is no longer welcome to stay in July! What a CF.

Mental health issues aside, this was RUDE and totally uncalled for. Just NO.
@biscusting
Wish her well with MH and say that she is not welcome in July or any other time due to her rudeness.

BurnerName · 11/06/2018 09:07

Woke up this morning to a message from her “hope I can make it up to you and DH in July”

I just let out the biggest "Wooow" I have ever done.

I have lived with depression and other MH issues for the last 20 years and her behaviour is completely bizarre to me.

senua · 11/06/2018 09:07

Don't make excuses along the lines of we are going away / we already have other guests booked. Give a firm 'No, your behaviour was unacceptable and you are not welcome in our house. We might meet in a neutral setting but you abused our hospitality and are not staying with us in the foreseeable future."

pigmcpigface · 11/06/2018 09:09

Jesus Christ! This is the rudest thing EVER!

I would reply "I am glad you like this part of the world, but I am sure you will want to stay in more of a five-star place in July, with a rather better breakfast and wifi connection. Perhaps we can meet for coffee?" And then (obviously) have other excuses for not doing so!

DamsonGin · 11/06/2018 09:09

I wonder what her idea of making it up to you counts as, a favourable FB review?

Biscusting · 11/06/2018 09:09

I won’t pretend to understand MH issues, but could this be something more like bipolar? I just don’t get how she could minimise this and thing a July stay is okay.

Also I don’t recall any CF behaviour when we were at uni together. She was a bit awkward socially, but this seems out of character.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 11/06/2018 09:09

I think the response to that is that you very much doubt it as you won't be seeing her

pigmcpigface · 11/06/2018 09:10

Also, I am SO SICK of anxiety being used as an excuse for bad behaviour. It's like you can get away with ANYTHING these days if you just say "Oh I'm sorry, it was my anxiety". Angry

(I have D&A, btw).

overnightangel · 11/06/2018 09:11

Sounds like she wants to pretend it never happened

MarthasGinYard · 11/06/2018 09:11

'Also, I am SO SICK of anxiety being used as an excuse for bad behaviour. It's like you can get away with ANYTHING these days if you just say "Oh I'm sorry, it was my anxiety". 

(I have D&A, btw).'

I'm with you Pig

jellybeanteaparty · 11/06/2018 09:11

I would reply. It will be impossible for my husband and I to be comfortable hosting you in July or in future.

StruggsToFunc · 11/06/2018 09:11

She has got some nerve!

'You will need to make alternative arrangements for July.'

Don't engage further.

PlumsGalore · 11/06/2018 09:13

No, no, just NO!

Hi CF, I accept your apology and hope we can move on, however I am sure you understand when I say I wont be hosting again. Take care Biscusting x

Then never contact her again.

MarthasGinYard · 11/06/2018 09:13

Op with respect I'd stop looking for excuses for her, she was damn rude and she knows it.