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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend spends the weekend with me then ‘reviews’ her experience, wtf!?

999 replies

Biscusting · 09/06/2018 21:25

Friend has been good friend during our uni days. We’ve loosely kept in touch over the years, but different career choices, interests, distance and children have pushed us in different directions.

She messages me out out of the blue to ask about staying a weekend with us. We live in an area popular with tourists.

I’m feeling a bit put out, as don’t fancy hosting, but we had no concrete plans and thought it would be a nice catch up.

Anyway she stays we have dinner out one night. She’s spends a day visiting a popular attraction and we have a nice evening in with a selection of nibbles, pizza, cheese and wine etc. Uneventful, pleasant weekend I feel.

Now i’ve just been browsing FB and looked on her page to see if she’d posted any pictures. To find she’d written quite a lengthy post about her stay. I don’t want to copy and paste, but basically it’s along the lines of, ‘had an okay weekend with Biscusting, staying at her place. Found the breakfast underwhelming and conversation with her DH a bit dry.
The sleigh bed in the guest room was too high and I bumped on the wooden edge so often I have a bruise. The room was too small.’.....the WiFi speed was poor at best’

She goes on to critique the decor and waffles on a lot about the tourist attraction she visited. Then ends the post with ‘all in all i’d give her two stars’

Wtaf is this!? Has she mistaken FB for trip advisor and my home for a hotel!?

We don’t have many shared friends, but people have liked her bloody post. 13 people!

Now the thing is she talked about coming back at the end of July for an exhibition and we made relatively firm plans about her return.

AIBU to tell her to jog on?

OP posts:
QueenOfIce · 11/06/2018 04:36

So because she thought you wouldn't see her post that made it ok to write awful things about a friend who had shown her hospitality? She is no friend and depression is not an excuse to be a bitch.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this op, it's not a reflection on you or your home it's entirely about her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/06/2018 04:52

“I am sorry you are having mental health issues. However that doesn’t excuse your behaviour. You posted nasty comments about me simply because you didn’t think I’d see them. The choices you made have deeply affected our friendship and consequently you are no longer welcome in my home. Please do not contact me again.”

PlumsGalore · 11/06/2018 05:29

She clearly has some issues as this isn't normal. However her post was calculated, she thought you didn't have FB she said. Now she has taken it down, I would definitely block her. She wasn't really part of your life anymore anyway.

Pengggwn · 11/06/2018 05:55

Her therapist might well have suggested she writes down her day-to-day experiences in the style of a blog. Yes, love, it's called a diary. It's meant to be private. Publicly talking about my house like it's a budget hotel is fucking rude, irrespective of her MH. She needs to apologise for doing it and reassure you it has been deleted. I would just ignore the woman, to be honest.

Canwejustrelaxnow · 11/06/2018 06:24

I would bullet point the criticisms she made so that she fully understands what she's said; I'd really spell it out to her. Then I'd tell her that obviously this meant that July was cancelled and you no longer wanted to be friends.

mathanxiety · 11/06/2018 06:25

Maybe write back 'In a spirit of friendship, please allow me to recommend [local Travelodge] for your foray into this neck of the woods in July. Best, etc. Biscusting'

BurnerName · 11/06/2018 06:29

So after unfriending you she looked up hotels to stay at for her stay in July and realised how expensive it is in a tourist area during tourist season...

LOTSSSS of back-peddling with a bullshit excuse. I therapist would never advise keeping any form of a public diary. "I hope this doesn't affect our friendship"? Her fist instinct wasn't to apologise and remove her post...its was to remove you. You are not a friend in her eyes you are a convenience. Mental health or not you never have the right to be a complete and utter dick!

muffinthepuffin · 11/06/2018 06:31

I reckon she knew you were fb friends but posted the review so that only selected users could see it, not guessing you might go on her page, dangerous game to play if so!
Well done on sending the message.
I wouldn't mention July so that she has to (if she wants to) and you can take pleasure in telling her to do one/ignoring/letting her arrive as PPs have suggested Grin

LaLaLongwhiskers · 11/06/2018 06:43

Honeyroar's response is a great one, about needing time to calm down and therefore her visit in July can't possibly happen. Then block/delete/move on.

LaLaLongwhiskers · 11/06/2018 06:45

Reading your OP post again, I would also say your husband is equally pissed off that the pot-shot she took at him and doesn't want her to stay either.

Nanasueathome · 11/06/2018 06:47

She is obviously backpedaling as she is thinking about her July stay with you
Simply tell her she is no longer welcome and then block her

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 11/06/2018 06:52

Do you believe the post is down? It's not like you can check.

I think you need to let her know that her actions have affects your friendship, that it will take some time to recover but that she's absolutely not welcome in your home again.

ArchchancellorsHat · 11/06/2018 06:57

I really doubt the therapst said it was ok to rip into your friends like that. it's one thing to keep a diary - though what she said was still mean spirited even in private - it's another thing to rate your hosts conversation and then unfriend you because you saw it. Rude and unpleasant - no stars to ex friend.

Maelstrop · 11/06/2018 07:05

Send a final message saying that you obviously will not be hosting her in July. Stuff how she’s feeling, she was personal and insulting to you and your DH.

BalloonSlayer · 11/06/2018 07:06

"I think we both know that this has affected our friendship."

TBH I think she forgot you were on FB and was being fake-nasty to make her adoring [she thinks] audience amused, and it's highly likely she didn't mean any of it. Her defriending you was just a knee-jerk panicked act when she found out you'd seen it.

MarthasGinYard · 11/06/2018 07:07

'Her therapist recommended she writes everything down to help her, so she ‘blogs’ her day-to-day things on Facebook.'

Yeah right

MarthasGinYard · 11/06/2018 07:08

'Her therapist recommended she writes everything down to help her, so she ‘blogs’ her day-to-day things on Facebook.'

Yeah right

Hullaballooooo · 11/06/2018 07:13

Erm it has impacted your friendship - she has unfriended you on FB (as well as all the rest).

You could gently reply that actually having been unfriended & also as her FB post mentioned both you & hubby that you think it best to cancel her July visit & you want to make sure she definitely knows that. Its important she realises the full extent of her actions. Perhaps after more time has passed you’ll feel differently but at the moment friendship is very much impacted.

madeyemoodysmum · 11/06/2018 07:13

I'm a bit confused as you say you went on her Facebook and saw this. Are you Facebook friends and she is incredibly stupid. How come she thought you would not see it if you are. or has she no privacy settings? Again stupid??

madeyemoodysmum · 11/06/2018 07:13

I'm a bit confused as you say you went on her Facebook and saw this. Are you Facebook friends and she is incredibly stupid. How come she thought you would not see it if you are. or has she no privacy settings? Again stupid??

TheNoodlesIncident · 11/06/2018 07:15

I can well believe she has depression, OP did mention mental health amongst the things CF had posted about before. But to slate someone's hospitality like that is so incredibly GAUCHE, how could she even begin to think that was okay even if she didn't expect OP to see it? She should have ensured OP could never see it, not rely on the unlikelihood of its being seen. Otherwise a mutual friend could point it out to OP and bring her attention to it. The safest course is to just keep it private and not put it anywhere on social media. But still... even then, you just can't imagine being nasty enough to sneer at your hosts behind their backs, especially since they clearly tried to make her comfortable and feel welcome. It's just beyond the pale to respond like that

I would definitely block this person, after telling her "There clearly wasn't a friendship, and I'm not interested in keeping "friends" who behave like you"

I bet this woman wouldn't have been in touch with OP in the first place if OP didn't live in Touristy Town...

OneEpisode · 11/06/2018 07:21

Buy maybe without trivialising mental health?

GreenItWas · 11/06/2018 07:25

I would message her saying I would rather eat my own hands than see her face again. Put her under no illusion. Cheeky fucking bastard. MH problems my arse. How fucking dare she?

My step daughter would do something like this. Some people are nightmares!

FiestaThenSiesta · 11/06/2018 07:27

“Don’t contact me again.”

shakeyourcaboose · 11/06/2018 07:30

How rude to you biscuiting ! Am assuming that as she still wants to be friends she's 'refriended' you?