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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend spends the weekend with me then ‘reviews’ her experience, wtf!?

999 replies

Biscusting · 09/06/2018 21:25

Friend has been good friend during our uni days. We’ve loosely kept in touch over the years, but different career choices, interests, distance and children have pushed us in different directions.

She messages me out out of the blue to ask about staying a weekend with us. We live in an area popular with tourists.

I’m feeling a bit put out, as don’t fancy hosting, but we had no concrete plans and thought it would be a nice catch up.

Anyway she stays we have dinner out one night. She’s spends a day visiting a popular attraction and we have a nice evening in with a selection of nibbles, pizza, cheese and wine etc. Uneventful, pleasant weekend I feel.

Now i’ve just been browsing FB and looked on her page to see if she’d posted any pictures. To find she’d written quite a lengthy post about her stay. I don’t want to copy and paste, but basically it’s along the lines of, ‘had an okay weekend with Biscusting, staying at her place. Found the breakfast underwhelming and conversation with her DH a bit dry.
The sleigh bed in the guest room was too high and I bumped on the wooden edge so often I have a bruise. The room was too small.’.....the WiFi speed was poor at best’

She goes on to critique the decor and waffles on a lot about the tourist attraction she visited. Then ends the post with ‘all in all i’d give her two stars’

Wtaf is this!? Has she mistaken FB for trip advisor and my home for a hotel!?

We don’t have many shared friends, but people have liked her bloody post. 13 people!

Now the thing is she talked about coming back at the end of July for an exhibition and we made relatively firm plans about her return.

AIBU to tell her to jog on?

OP posts:
Cousinit · 10/06/2018 21:08

Just so Shock about this vile woman. I was sure it was a joke and she would apologise. You are well rid. Also hope the DM pick this up.

SickofPeterRabbit · 10/06/2018 21:31
Shock
Cupcakey · 10/06/2018 21:40

She's bat shit! well rid of her. xx

Cupcakey · 10/06/2018 21:41

She's bat shit! well rid of her. xx

Cupcakey · 10/06/2018 21:41

She's bat shit! well rid of her. xx

SabineUndine · 10/06/2018 21:46

Dump her.

A friend of mine came round to lunch and critiqued everything I cooked as if I were a professional chef and she were a restaurant critic. I actually didn’t care what she said as I didn’t think her opinion worth worrying about. She’s an ex-friend now, though, cos I don’t want someone that vulgar in my life.

Mummymummums · 10/06/2018 21:58

Blimey OP - I think your message to her was very mild. Much more so than she deserved.
I loved BuzzLights suggestion for a review actually.
Has she taken the Facebook post down?
The only explanation I can think of is that she's insanely jealous of you in some way.

Mummymummums · 10/06/2018 21:58

Blimey OP - I think your message to her was very mild. Much more so than she deserved.
I loved BuzzLights suggestion for a review actually.
Has she taken the Facebook post down?
The only explanation I can think of is that she's insanely jealous of you in some way.

Mummymummums · 10/06/2018 21:59

Blimey OP - I think your message to her was very mild. Much more so than she deserved.
I loved BuzzLights suggestion for a review actually.
Has she taken the Facebook post down?
The only explanation I can think of is that she's insanely jealous of you in some way.

Mummymummums · 10/06/2018 22:00

Sorry! Don't know why my comment is there 3 times!!!!

Original poster
Biscusting · 10/06/2018 22:18

Good god she’s sent me a text message.

So she is saying that she is suffering terribly with depression and mood swings and is having therapy. I wasn’t aware, she never spoke of any problems.

Her therapist recommended she writes everything down to help her, so she ‘blogs’ her day-to-day things on Facebook.

She didn’t realise I was on Facebook and would see it. She also said it wasn’t a review as such of me, but rather how she was feeling about the weekend at the time and her depression affected her view on things.

I haven’t replied, it sounds too much like back peddling to me. Should I reply? I still don’t understand why she’s unfriended me then!

OP posts:
SimonBridges · 10/06/2018 22:21

Writing everything down makes sense but if she genuinely was doing all this on FB then surely her posts would be full of stuff like this?

HolyMountain · 10/06/2018 22:21

Bollocks to her excuses.

I’d ignore the text and the friendship because I could never forget what she’d written.

Fishface77 · 10/06/2018 22:22

I’d reply that poor mental health is no excuse for hurting and criticising friends.
Say
You’d like to draw a line under things and are sure that she will understand that you are cancelling Julys visit.

DamsonGin · 10/06/2018 22:22

Did she actually say sorry?

Glaciferous · 10/06/2018 22:23

I don't think being depressed means you are allowed to be rude to other people. Certainly when I've been depressed I've been hypersensitive to annoying anyone else rather than the other way around, though it's true that some people can be unwittingly self-absorbed when depressed.

Why don't you just say what your honest reaction is?

Thanks for your reply, X. I still don't understand why you've unfriended me and I still feel quite hurt by what you wrote.

Iloveeating · 10/06/2018 22:23

Don't reply! She is just trying to get sympathy now and making up excuses. Just try and move on without her in your life

Usernameunknown2 · 10/06/2018 22:23

Sounds very much like excuses and emotional blackmail to me...

Writing therapy can help but you keep it private not post it for all your mutual friends to see.

StringandGlitter · 10/06/2018 22:24

Did she actually apologise in her message, or was it all justification and excuse? Has she expressed any remorse for hurting you?
Has she taken the post down?

These things would affect whether or not I responded and the content of any response.

Also ask - do you want to be friends with her if you can mend this?

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 10/06/2018 22:24

Definitely back pedalling. Her initial reaction was to unfriend you and she's said she didn't realise you would see it. So depression or not, she knew what she was writing would upset you. Having depression does not give you the right to upset others and I say that as a sufferer. Was there any actual apology in her message?

Original poster
Biscusting · 10/06/2018 22:25

She did say sorry. I think a lot of her posts were quite long and in the style of a blog. I didn’t really get a chance to read.

OP posts:
StruggsToFunc · 10/06/2018 22:25

Yikes. There probably is some back-pedalling in there but how monumentally stupid to use social media for a therapeutic journal. She clearly unfriended you in a panic.

“I’m sorry that you’ve been unwell recently and I hope that you recover soon. Your comments were personal and hurtful and regardless of whether you thought I would see them, you must have known that mutual friends certainly would, and that this would humiliate me. I suggest that you find a more private medium for your therapeutic journal.

Given the circumstances, I think it best if you find alternative accommodation for the dates we had discussed in July.

Biscusting.”

Aeroflotgirl · 10/06/2018 22:25

What did she expect wou,d happen, especially you have mutual friends who can see it. So she publically humiliated you, did she not think for one moment before she posted it, the impact it woukd have on you, and how you might feel if you saw that.

I personally woukd reiterate to her how hurt it made you feel, that she shoukd have thought about what she was writing and how you might feel, if you saw it. As a result yiu are unable to host her again.

category12 · 10/06/2018 22:27

It's a really bizarre way of using Facebook. Did she actually say sorry in any of the message or was it just about her?

MatildaTheCat · 10/06/2018 22:27

She needs to chat this over with her therapist. Hopefully they will help her see what a self-centred and rude cow she’s been to people who generously hosted her.

Depression isn’t an excuse for abysmal rudeness.