To want just one Christmas the 4 of us?

[cadburyegg]

Fully expecting to be told IABU.

DH and I are only children. We have 2 DS's, 3yo and a baby. Ever since we met, apart from the first year we have been together we have seen both my parents and in laws on Christmas day. They live within an hour's drive of us, so it's doable. After DS1 was born both sets of parents have come to us. I have often suggested to DH that we could have 1 day just us, but he's always said no and MIL has always insisted she see her son and grandsons on christmas day. Last Christmas I was heavily pg and so DH said he would do everything but that didn't happen, obviously.

My dad was diagnosed with alzheimer's earlier this year. Early stages so he doesn't need care at the moment but he is often aggressive and gets confused in different environments. Last Christmas he was very confused and didn't really understand what was happening, I think it was too overwhelming. So I don't think him and my mum will come to us this year so it will just be us and in laws.

I just want one nice relaxed Christmas day where we can do what we want and eat what and when we want rather than have to hurry Christmas morning etc etc before people arrive. AIBU to want just one day where it can just be me, DH and our 2 young boys??

Just an update! Thank you for all your comments.

Dh and I have come to a compromise and we will be having family over, but from 1pm onwards. So we can still have a nice relaxed morning with the kids etc.

I think I would feel too guilty about shutting the in laws out that actually it wouldn't be very enjoyable.

He will also be doing the planning, the prep and the cooking.... just haven't told him that bit yet.

What is wrong with visiting doing GPS
Xmas eve or boxing day. You have done the mad mix and now want to make traditions of your own. It is likely there will be cries of "but I want to see their little faces on Christmas day!" But believe me, kids love extended Christmases with three lots of pressie opening, food and fuss. Tell your dh this year you are setting the new standard. So instead of one mad day, they will get two.
Worked for my kids who get four. 25th with us, 26th with half my lot, 27th with dh family, 28th with the cousins and rest of my lot.

Hear you loud & clear yanbu just do it. I tried. Am on my tenth year.

I honestly don't get people insisting that ILs come over because...hurt feelings? Our family stopped sharing with my brother's family when they chose to have a christmas alone. No drama, just the respect that they wanted to spend christmas as a family unit?

ms

I think alot of it is sometimes people rely on the dc to make Xmas. The energy and joy of them rushing in a room.. Lifts stodgy old people (I mean adults 60 +).

Chatting about the same things, stilted... It helps to ease, lift and make it fun.
That's very much how I see our dc used. But what do our dc get?

Sorry that didn't make sense I meant, so if people are thinking of themselves and their day... They are not thinking of the family at all. Just themselves.

YANBU.

One year I asked my parents if they wanted to come to us for Christmas Dinner and thus began the tradition. When I asked them again the following year I was told that they'd just presumed that they were anyway, seeing as they'd been to us the previous Christmas. And there began Groundhog Day. They're local so we see them often so it's not even as if there's any catching up to do, and I find hosting them very stressful as they're very set in their ways (which is nothing to do with their age, they always have been that way) so it's difficult to relax around them. Im not a confident cook either so found getting a meal ready for guests was so stressful.

Last Christmas was different though. Our son was having surgery just before so we were unsure how he'd be feeling and if necessary we were going to have our Christmas dinner when he felt better so I told my parents that we'd have a quiet day with just the four of us rather than set something in stone with them and then have to change last minute. They hosted my sister and her husband instead.

We were also mindful of the fact that we'd never properly had a Christmas Day with just the four of us and, at 20 and 17 as they were at that time, we might not get many more chances to do that with our sons.

It ended up being a really lovely day. Our son was feeling much better so we had a very relaxed dinner (rather than being badgered for a time when we'd be eating), lounged around chatting and then played cards in the evening.

Problem now is that I'd quite like to do the same this year.

Madison can't you feign ignorance and just say you presumed they'd be inviting your sister over since they did that last year and now you've made plans...