You know when you fart and

[TokenBritPoshOfCourse]

It bubbles around and up your foof (usually when wearing tight jeans)?

Well that has just happened to me and it actually BURNED. Also it was so noxious that the dog legged it. I’m not sure whether I’m proud or disgusted.

Has anyone else scalded their vagine with their own gas or should I be phoning the Guinness Records people?

I love a pharty thread!

Many times OP! Though as I have no dog I ensure DH is around to share in the stink, apparently sniffing your partner's farts help you live longer you know

If you don't mind me saying op, it appears that-what with all that veg you've been eating-you have created an internal compost which is heating up your natural gases.

You are a human compost.

Yes I've had burny ones and ones that have made my flaps hurt from clapping the fart out 😂😂

It's standing up and having them all fall out again with nothing you can do to stop it that gets me.

I'm another who has to admit to burny flap rattlers.

Although the worst offenders are the arse ripples that go backward and pop out the top of your crack, always loudly.

And the fact that it's impossible to fart quietly on a plastic chair, it's like your arse knows.

VAGINE

This has completely cracked me up

burny flap rattlers*

These days I often get a build up of wind while I am sitting down for a long time that without warning releases itself via my fanny the minute I stand up. And then continues with each step I take. Anyone else get that? It’s very embarrassing if it happens one work (I work with teenaged boys - can you imagine?! ) I have to mask it with a cough. I’m sure I’ve developed a sort of pressure release tunnel between my poo pipe and fanny.

Sometim e happens the minute I sit down on the toilet too. Deffo not arse wind. Many’s the time I’ve nearly reassured an unknown colleague in the next cubicle that “it wasn’t a fart, don’t worry, it was just my fanny.” Like that would be any more more palatable for them to hear!

I started reading this thread while at work , after three post i had to stop . SO funny .
I have now read all the post , I had to keep stopping as I could not see for tears .
And yes I have had fanny and arse crack popping farts .

Can we all give a round of vag' flaps claps applause to the OP for such a great post

Britposh not posh

The bubbly ones make me feel warm but never burn! I only fart in front of my partner if I’m tipsy. When the urge arises in bed with him of a morning (sober of course) I simply pull one of my cheeks and letvit put silently. That can be a lotto though, now and again there’s a blurty sound

Hahaha! You are making me laugh so much! I am very childish around farts, did a big one earlier and no burning but it did make my cheeks clap a bit!

Fart humour is one of the best humours ever and this thread will have me giggling and farting in bed all night now 😂

This coming from she who has not stopped farting for a week and has had multidirectional fart bubbles all day lol

We know these fanny bubbling farts as frilly poops

I thought they were called fanny farts

Brilliant thread. Roald Dahls whizzpoppers is one of my fave descriptions. Isnt it odd that most women do their best not to let rip in front of others.but some men, looking at you OP, have no scruples at all. Like a bloody oompah band on the sofa some nights.

Oh my goodness, this thread is a revelation! I'm so glad that everyone else has the out-the-back-up-the-front-trumps. I thought it was just me 😂

The bubbly warm ones mostly disperse. Except for the lingering bubbles that wait in yer fanny till you stand up. And you have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL over them whatsoever. Just got to hope for surrounding noise.

Fanny farts/queefs are just air in the foofer. These are a differnet beast.

Don’t try to light them at the front or you’ll lose your pubes to a bush fire.

Someone really needs to do a study on give different farts occur. - i need my eyes tested as i read that as different farts flavour!!!

I know those burny ones too well, when i break wind which is often the cat walks / runs away in disgust

Farting can be like russian roulette at times - will you get a surprise that it wasnt a fart at all?

Its a right of passage in relationships as far as im concerned as need to be comfortable enough around someone that we can fart in front of each other - the couple who farts together and all that

Yes, I am familiar with this 😂

This thread has reminded me of this joke

With their ailing mother needing constant medical supervision, a family decided to bring her to a very expensive and caring nursing home for a day to try it out.

The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay but after a while she slowly started to lean over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her out. Again, she seemed okay but after a while she started to tilt to the other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright.

This went on all morning, with the dedicated nurses making sure the old woman didn't fall. Later, the family arrived to see how she was adjusting to her new home.

"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they asked.

"It’s very nice," she replied. "Except they won’t let you fart."

Smurfy, regarding your comment on couples, isn't that referred to as "being on farting terms with each other" in relationships?

I do enjoy a good fart thread.