You know when you fart and

[TokenBritPoshOfCourse]

It bubbles around and up your foof (usually when wearing tight jeans)?

Well that has just happened to me and it actually BURNED. Also it was so noxious that the dog legged it. I’m not sure whether I’m proud or disgusted.

Has anyone else scalded their vagine with their own gas or should I be phoning the Guinness Records people?

Years ago, on a day out with MIL, she went off to the loo. She was laughing when she came out. She said she had a lot of wind to pass and thought she was alone, until she heard a voice from another cubicle say in a shocked, Hyacinth-Bucket-type voice "Oh! Goodness gracious!"

I've had burney ones

Oh gosh, I am crying actual tears of mirth.

Agree. Silent but deadlies are appropriately named. If they're hot too, then walk away. Quickly.

I did a silent-but-deadly in John Lewis once. I walked away swiftly from the miasma and left it a few minutes. I went back as I had not finished checking out the jewellery I had been looking at. It still stank though! Unfortunately, I would have missed my train and so had to leave and look online instead...

Oh I haven't had a bubbler in ages. I rather enjoy them

.

Anyone get the machine gun farts - the ones that start off as a normal one and then rattle off at 90 rounds a minute ? Had one on an old fashioned radiator I was perched on and echoed around the school atrium and probably several classrooms. I was more shocked than embarrassed as the strength of my arse and the velocity of the farts.

Been with DP 9.5yrs and hes never heard me awake fart.. but then i dont think my parents have heard me fart since i was old enough to control my own functions better either.. im a private farter 😂😂 but i know the bubblewuffs you mean!

As for the dog.. dp was sat on the sofa with our pooch when he was a puppy and farted.. i shit you not the puppy spent a good 10mins looking for the fart 😂

this is hilarious

This what it must feel like to be a man this invested in a fart thread

😂

I think we should all gather together and start a frumpity bubbling arse to fanjo marching band.

Gardai - they happen when I run (a rare occurrence). I call them motorbike farts!

For heaven’s sake, how bad did it smell?

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When I had my baby I was shocked to realise that the tiny size of the bum is completely disproportionate to the size of the enormous farts that can come out of it.

She's almost 3 now and likes to shout loudly, "Mummmmeeee! I did a big fart!"

SCREAMING at it thrust out so hard I actually fucking levitated off the loo seat.

waddled to the loo to let it go and - I kid you not dear readers - it thrust out so hard I actually fucking levitated off the loo seat.

Not a fart, but once DP and I were walking up the communal staircase in the building he then lived in. When we were about half a floor below his flat I burped and it was a massive, operatic rattler. Echoed round the concrete stairwell. So loud his then-flatmate, who was asleep in his room in the flat, swears to this day that it woke him up.

[proud]

If anyone wants to know the secret to levitation, it's a bowl of museli with four dried apricots topped with yogurt, and a big green tea. Do nothing for two hours. Then lift off.

(I've just outed myself with this story as it is a legend amongst my workmates)

These people that are able to hide there farts I’m quite envious of. Sometimes mine sneak out with no warning.

The hot ones are normally heavy too. You can always tell that they are going to smell how they feel.

And the machine gun ones! You never know it’s going to be one of them until it happens.

Someone really needs to do a study on give different farts occur. Maybe we could crowd fund this.

Bubblewuff

This is my most favourite thread.

Oh thank god for this thread, I thought I had a weird fanny/arse for doing hot bubblers!
If the dog is sat on the sofa or floor with me and I happen to let one rip near her, she disgustingly sniffs my bum and then literally runs off to another room. You'd think she'd learn her lesson by now

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thank you for this thread
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

DH has come home and announced he’s taking us all out for dinner. To the curry house.

God help us all.

Vagine