You know when you fart and

[TokenBritPoshOfCourse]

It bubbles around and up your foof (usually when wearing tight jeans)?

Well that has just happened to me and it actually BURNED. Also it was so noxious that the dog legged it. I’m not sure whether I’m proud or disgusted.

Has anyone else scalded their vagine with their own gas or should I be phoning the Guinness Records people?

our new dog is very anti farts.

He is a guide dog puppy, he has nerves of steel, does not flinch at bus doors, earth moving equipment in a car park, pnematic drills, whistling trains sirens belting past out of nowhere,

but sneeze or fart and he looks at you with immense suspicion for the entire day. I have absolutely NO idea how to mention this to his supervisor. :o

Personally I can never decide if I prefer a silent but violent or a loud and proud. Think i’m Leaning towards silent but violet (I do AMAZING ones) but not sure! Do love the satisfaction of a huge toot.

*violent
My farts ain’t violet

Farts, if they have a colour, should be that uncanny shade of green used for wildfire in Game of Thrones.

My farts are the exception, of course. They smell like the breath of angels and would be a delicate shade of lilac.

No, but once I trumped so hard it actually somehow hurt my bits in the way it flew up :(. Tight jeans were involved in that too and maybe it was the way I was sitting. :( OH god. :(. Why.

Never had a burning one. Was it the toxic gas that burned or the sheer power behind it?

Also, have you ever wondered why the noisy farts are not so smelly as the silent-but-deadlies? What's that all about then?

Pant crawlers. Never had one bubble up on my minge. They just bubble up my arse crack and pop before they can escape out the top of my jeans.

Hahahaha!

I Farted in the car just before I got out to go to the supermarket this morning. When I got back 20 mins later it was waiting for me, smelled like the inside of a packet of dry roasted peanuts

Been with dh nearly 6 years and he has never heard me fart!!

Been with DH years and he's heard me fart millions of times. You gotta get over that hurdle before you get too crunchy to be bothered to stand up and walk out of the room.

My farts ain’t violet grin

Is that like fart synesthesia?

OP, have my first (burning vag, not biscuit)

This thread has given me the best laugh this year ...well done OP..

I have the fart burn too, I thought it was just me!

My weirdly shaped office chair sometimes traps a bubbler until I stand up, then I get a lip-shaking surprise. Sort of like a buy one get one free.

That said, I once had dried apricot and green tea wind at work, had to hold on to it through a meeting, waddled to the loo to let it go and - I kid you not dear readers - it thrust out so hard I actually fucking levitated off the loo seat.

Thank god my boss is out, I'm wetting myself laughing.

My bubbly farts have never burned. That's some noxious stuff there.

then I get a lip-shaking surprise

It probably wasn't the smell that caused your dog to leg it it the sound and the sensation if he was sitting g on you and felt it. They do find farts a bit startling.

Slimfast Meal Replacement Bars. I like them. They are filling. The wind is awful though, so I will have to give them up.

Middle class problems. 😂😂😂😂😂

Once did a fart in loos at work that was so loud and comical I burst out laughing. Unfortunately the window was open and everyone in office next door (including v hot guy I fancied) heard the monumental fart. That’s ok could have been anyone that did it, but my laugh is distinctive. Totally outed myself

@TeatimeForTheSoul

This thread is entertaining me no end.

Shouldn't have read that at my desk in an open plan office! 😂

I'm crying with laughter and about to go blind with mascara 😂
Just the sheer memory of a comical sounding fart has me in stitches. Says a lot for my sense of humour though!

🤣🤣

I was happy in the knowledge that my OH who I have been with for 16 years had never heard me fart. Until he told me I do it in my sleep all they time and he finds it hilarious 😂

Oh you cow you made me Laugh 😂 on the dockland light railway (and pee a little)