"Forcing" children to include others

[DorothyL]

If your primary age child was told they had to commit to one day a week choosing to do an activity that makes it possible for a physically disabled child to join in, would you think this is fair enough or that your child shouldn't be forced to play with another child?

My kids schools did the same as @BarbarianMum's and had a playground supervisor manage playground games for all year groups. They'd play stuff like "What's the time Mr Wolf?"

There aren't many disabled children in the DC's school. There was a boy in DD's class, but he's now been moved back up to the class he should be in for his age (although still not ready for SATs, in the teacher's opinion ), I always thought it wonderful, that nobody was singled out for being too bright, or not bright enough, they all just got on. They still are a lovely class.

I can't imagine anyone being excluded in this way. Poor boy.

Can I ask what activities your Ds wants to do .

Yes I think if teachers asks who would like to do .... with Dorothys Ds? May prompt more of a response.

I think based on the fact he has 6 weeks left not much will change but should of been done before

@SendintheArdwolves not stopping people playing football, but adapting ball/active games so ds could participate.

Not telling him "this game isn't for you"!!!!

Then I think that I would be suggesting to the school that the playleaders need to be taught to include your son - if they are volunteers then it should be part of this role. Could you offer the school some guidance on the adaptations they could make to enable your son to join in maybe? I suspect sometimes it’s just a lack of imagination and empathy and giving some direction and discussing inclusion would help?

@Starlight2345 I know there's not much time left, yet would still be nice for his last few weeks to be happy!!
If I didn't have to work I'd take him out now!!

He'd like to play tag for example.
Or football where he doesn't get shouted at for getting it wrong
Or even just catching and throwing- really simple stuff.

Sometimes it’s just a lack of imagination and empathy which of course doesn’t make it at all acceptable, just to be clear

The problem is if you force it, the other kids will end up resentful and possibly being more exclusionary. My DD had a girl with downs in her class - call her Sue - they were (aged 8/9) in a netball tournament. The teachers said Sue had to be in the team and a teacher played alongside her. Every time, and I mean every time, one of them got the ball, the teacher shouted "pass to Sue" - so they did - but Sue couldn't catch/throw the ball and they ended up getting beat 60-nil and stuff - so they ended up being very resentful as before this, they had been winning medals etc. I can't think of anything more heart breaking than your child being left out, and I don't have the answers, but forcing it onto children won't work.

I think it sucks that it has had to come to this. Surely action should have been taken from the beginning to ensure there were activities he could join in on daily with different groups of children if he can't play football.

And I would have a very low opinion of any parent who thought their little darling shouldn't have to play with 'the disabled kid' once a week on a rotating basis. This is a child! A Classmate! A friend in need!

What I found with my DS was that ay school it wss just too hard. But outside school I found him a bssketball club as he loves it. He played NT basketball from YR 4 to YR 10 but then had to stop as he couldnt keep up. But we then found a team for people with learning difficulties and wheelchair basketball.
There have been times when its got him through the week knowing he had that on a Friday night.

To be fair to the school until Christmas it wasn't an issue because ds had this good friend, but since he dropped ds it's been dreadful and the school has not been interested, prob thinking they'll sit it out till he leaves soon

Dorothy no he shouldn't be left out permanently, sorry if it came across that way.

I don't know as I'm only going off my DD. By year 6 are children perspective enough to realise what they are doing? We all know children can be cruel but sometimes it might not be purposeful.

Having to use wheelchair is probably something easier for children too understand as they can see it, whereas none visible disabilities might be harder to understand.

I'm not sympathising with them, I'd be disappointed with my child for excluding any child disability or not.

What about what the other children want? Your focus only seems to be on your DS? One child out of a class of what, 30?

@Stinkywink I think children should learn to understand where they are luckier than others and reach out to those less fortunate, at least sometimes. Do you not agree?

Have you spoken to the teacher about the other boys now blanking him? If they are being excluding and blanking him in other things it very much sounds like something has happened. The teacher may well have noticed and if not then she or he could look out for it.

What about what the other children want? Your focus only seems to be on your DS? One child out of a class of what, 30?

Have you read the thread? One day OP is asking for, one day a week where her child isn’t completely excluded by what the other children want. They’re already getting what they want, all the time, at the expense of a child who is being ostracised.

@Usernameunknown2 I have kept mentioning to the teacher that things are hard for ds - tbh they don't really seem to care.

YABU about making everybody do what your ds wants to do.
My dd is in year 6 and often likes to sit on a bench and read on her own or sit and chat to a friend at lunch. I would probably be complaining to the school if she was made to give that up and was forced to spend her lunch doing something she didnt want to do, she finds the classroom really stressful and needs that down time at lunch
She would be happy for your ds and actually would offer for your ds to come and sit with her if she saw him on his but she isnt going to want to play the active whole class game and I dont think she should have to.
What sort of game would you suggesting that your DS could be included in and why do you think the whole class should have to do it?

Not the whole class at the same time - small groups of children taking turns to include him

@Stinkywink really?

The other kids will suffer for having one day a week where they don’t play football/adapt the game slightly?

It would do them more good than harm to learn inclusiveness, IMO.

tbh it didn’t seem like you which is why I didn’t go in all guns blazing

Thanks @SoddingUnicorns I’m mortified that it came across that way

Have you gone above their head to the head teacher and governers? I would complain. If that's the teachers attitude then no wonder its the students.

Plenty of children are just naturally shit at sport, myself included. I've been mocked, excluded and ridiculed. Many kids are the same. Should we stop all sporty kids enjoying something they are good at? Many will be crap at academic activities and just get their self esteem from sporty stuff. Is it fair to deny a kid who may think they are worthless/thick at functional skills but comes alive when they kick a ball?

If all of this behaviour only began at christmas and prior to this your son was included by his peers what has changed and why, are there some parents you know who you can speak to, Also yes he should not be miserable for his last few weeks at school but forcing children this age may well be counter productive. Maybe the school could organise some sort of summer sports skills one day for the rest of term.Does your son have friends from school around to establish firmer friendships. Also how do you feel he is going to navigate year 7 and the challenge of secondary school in september.