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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ban iPads & Tablets For Children

779 replies

londonmummyof1 · 06/06/2018 23:20

Is it just me, or does the iPad generation bother anyone else?

We went on a family holiday to Spain with my husband and almost 3 year old daughter, and at breakfast, lunch and dinner it’s the same sight - parents bringing out iPads for their preschool children to sit and watch - while eating!?! This is something I have never seen before and I absolutely do not agree with. I think seeing the scale of the problem during this one holiday shows what a problem this is. The thing is, the children aren’t even given the choice of asking for the iPad or to watch a show, it’s just slapped down in front of them and then they are glued. No interaction, just plugged into this simulated world, at the prime time in their life they are developing their language, speech, behaviour and personality - under the age of 5.

We did not bring an iPad for our child on holiday because we wanted to play in the swimming/splash pool, go to the beach etc and we spent such quality time with our child with memories we will keep forever.

This did not happen 20 or even 10 years ago - what did parents do with their children then? God forbid did they COMMUNICATE with their children at the dinner table?

What is happening to this world? Why not have a conversation with your child or bring a sticker book or story book for them to look at if feeding time is difficult. Every parent has been there with challenging mealtimes, but lugging the iPad around during 3 mealtimes, that’s a minimum of 3 hours your child is in a zombie state of mind, you’re starving them of developing their speech and ability to play by themselves and entertain themselves through play.

Do parents understand that too much screen time is extremely damaging to young children and can pave the way to obesity and development issues later in life?

I feel so passionate about this topic, as I’ve even seen some parents putting their children in pushchairs by the swimming pools glued to an iPad, when they could be swimming and having fun with their parents or siblings.

Parenting can be really tough, but somehow I think government intervention is required as this is such a vicious cycle, what future are we preparing our children for???

Simple alternatives to iPad/Tablet entertainment:

Play doh
Stickers
Books
Playing cards
Colouring books
Drawing

Absolutely BAN iPads & Tablets for children.

OP posts:
LadyPeacock · 06/06/2018 23:48

Hold on a minute OP while I get you a backup set of pearls to clutch. You are in danger of crushing that set.

Won't anybody think of the children??

NordicNobody · 06/06/2018 23:51

I'm really guilty of over using the iPad with DS. I let him watch it in the morning after breakfast when I'm cleaning and in the evening before dinner when I'm cooking. NHS website says to limit to 1/2 an hour a day but he probably has twice that, maybe more. I know your OP was about being on holiday and using screens while eating, so sorry to go off on a tangent (but we never go on holiday and I don't allow screens whilst eating). But I've tried all the things on your list that are appropriate for a 2 year old and none of it keeps him entertained for long enough for me to make dinner. He just starts crying if he's in the highchair, or destroying stuff if he's playing alone in the living room. Then dinner takes twice as long. I could cook faster meals but then we wouldn't eat as well. Or stick YouTube on for a bit and crack on. I'm seriously open to suggestions, I feel really guilty giving him so much screen time, but I've tried a bunch of alternatives and they just don't seem to work.

Leoparda · 06/06/2018 23:56

You do know that they can do all that on the ipad, and have a conversation/engage with their parents at the same time.

I'm a digital artist, and trust me, I do plenty of drawing/colouring in on my ipad! I also play card games, read books installed on there and do myriad other things.

My DS is autistic, the tablet going with us is necessary to us actually being able to sit down and have a meal without him screaming, running around and requiring one or the other of us to either eat cold food or bolt it down so fast it makes us ill.

Keep your judginess to yourself.

codswallopandbalderdash · 06/06/2018 23:58

This is all parental choice. FWIW OP I'm with you in that there is a lifetime of screen time ahead for kids and while I don't object to nursery showing kids things on the iPad I won't be buying one for DS age 5. If we are in restaurants we talk about what's going on / other things or I will bring an activity book or colouring book. My choice. I'm sure other people will think I'm old-fashioned ...

Original poster
londonmummyof1 · 07/06/2018 00:01

@NordicNobody I completely understand what you mean, so I let mine “help” during cleaning and cooking. She likes being responsible for tasks so I give her a simple task - she quite likes wiping her table or toys or sweeping! She has a mini children’s toy sweeper and uses that while I vacuum and clean.

While cooking, she has a little children’s stool from Ikea and watches me cook and I let her wash vegetables etc or help with some tasks like mashing if we have mashed potatoes for examples.

I really wanted an unbiased opinion as to whether I am being unreasonable, so I’m glad to know lots of parents understand the limits and do limit screentime. I just fear how technology will change the world my daughter lives in when she’s older. I do think with anything it’s extremely challenging setting limits. I just think the ease of an iPad or tablet could lead easily from one episode to two to three hours later (which is what I have seen).

OP posts:
Frizzcat · 07/06/2018 00:04

OP, if you are having such a wonderful time with play-doh and swimming etc making such precious memories and talking and stuff.
How is it that you have time to notice other families? Surely you’re too engaged with your family to have time to whack on your judgement knickers.
Try not to judge, you don’t know the story of each family, for instance if you saw me and my family on holiday in the half term, you would have instantly clocked us zoning out, on phones and tablets - I’m confident the judgement would have been rife. However, what you couldn’t know and definitely wouldn’t have seen was my mother in-law committed Suicide some weeks ago and we’re all exhausted and traumatised. We had a week of just doing what we liked, I was bloody glad for it.

Noqont · 07/06/2018 00:07

Frizzcat Flowers

PickAChew · 07/06/2018 00:08

Yes, YABU.

Next!

BabiesDontNeedDaddies · 07/06/2018 00:08

They've done studies that show it does no harm and in some cases drastically helps. Some people are still stuck with the belief that watching TV will make your eyes go square no matter how much it's proven myth. Ridiculous fear mongering like this isn't helping. Whether it's because you're a tecnophobe or it's a general fear of progress and the future you need to get over it and embrace progress, embrace the change, embrace the future

Original poster
londonmummyof1 · 07/06/2018 00:10

@Frizzcat I am very sorry that happened.

The reason how I noticed it was walking into the hotel restaurant and seeing large iPads on 90% of tables and then the table next to us had an iPad on it and my daughter got glued to it. I don’t agree with watching tv/ipads while eating so I had to move my daughters seat so she would eat her dinner - otherwise she was just glued not talking or responding to me when I was talking to her and trying to encourage her to eat her dinner.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 07/06/2018 00:11

My parents just left us in the car with a multipack of crisis, when they went shopping, because my brother was such hard work.

LovingLola · 07/06/2018 00:13

Some people are just moronic and find it easier to let their children have as much screen time as they want without the need to actually interact with them. I really am beginning to think that there is a cohort of parents who believe that iPads, iPhones and tablets have more to offer their children than they themselves do.
So studies that show that small children are starting school without words, self-care abilities, unable to use a pencil, hold a book, understand how to make a jigsaw or play with sand and water are bearing out what is going on in the lives of toddlers and preschool children. Which is unutterably sad for those children.

Etino · 07/06/2018 00:14

Here you go @pannikin
My teenage/ early 20s dcs are totally addicted to their screens. However they don’t use them in company and they’re adamant that their dcs won’t have them. They can riff for hours on the joys of playing and listening to story tapes, the radio, being bored and how the younger generation are missing out. Grin

Alienspaceship · 07/06/2018 00:14

Thank you op. Having read your post, I consider myself enlightened.

highlander74 · 07/06/2018 00:14

YABU - you have no idea what those children are doing the other 9 hours of the day on holiday, probably being entertained by their parents or themselves so you should loosen those judgy pants of yours... Maybe those kids are reading a book on their iPads...

Everything in moderation - my kids (age 9 and 6) get 1 hour of screentime each day before dinner, but they use iPads every day at school (some of their homework is done on Google Drive, and they research their inquiry topics on iPads) - technology is such a big part of life now that you can't really avoid it, but you can moderate it.

I'd welcome a ban on smug judgy parents though :-)

Noqont · 07/06/2018 00:14

My kids used the iPad loads when they were younger. Now in restaurants they are great company. iPad use doesn't need to equal iPad addiction. It saved my sanity when they were younger though. Smile

mirime · 07/06/2018 00:15

A tablet is a wonderful thing on a long journey. Books, games, films on one handy device! Saying that DS doesn't use his too much, picks it up once a fortnight or so or if something has caught his interest - last time he'd been watching Alphablocks in school so we downloaded the game and played it together.

We have used it occasionally when eating out, but DS has never been that into colouring in or activity books and play doh at the dinner table is surely not a serious suggestion!

Noqont · 07/06/2018 00:15

I'd welcome a ban on smug judgy parents though :-)

Lol. Yes. Me too.

ferrier · 07/06/2018 00:15

I'm with you in principle op (though not about the playdoh!)

I'm so glad that tablets and phones weren't ubiquitous when my kids were small as it would have been so tempting to just give them one whenever they needed keeping quiet.

ferrier · 07/06/2018 00:17

I'd also can them in primary schools!

zzzzz · 07/06/2018 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/06/2018 00:18

(((Frizz)))

OP are you aware how incredibly smug and preachy you sound? Honestly it's like some people think they invented parenting. You have no clue what is going on in people's lives but just assume you could do it better. Well for the record, you couldn't.

Thankfully those friends of mine with biddable children who wash vegetables beside them while beatifically fluttering their eyelashes know how hard I work. My DD is very challenging and sometimes screens are a way to manage her SEN in public so judgmental arseholes don't tut.

mirime · 07/06/2018 00:18

starting school without words, self-care abilities, unable to use a pencil, hold a book, understand how to make a jigsaw or play with sand and water

Is that because of tablets though? I seem to recall that sort of thing has been talked about for well over a decade, maybe over two!

Frizzcat · 07/06/2018 00:18

Thanks Noqont

ferrier · 07/06/2018 00:19

*ban