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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO just buy another dog and deal with the fallout?

125 replies

IWant2Dogs · 06/06/2018 21:27

I love dogs. I love them more than humans. I begged DH to let me have a dog for years but he always refused. Eventually he developed a fascination with French Bulldogs and decided I could have one of them. I wasn't keen, I'd always wanted a big, smart dog that o could train in agility, go on long walks, run with etc and a Frenchie really want what I had in mind. But because I was so desperate for a dog, I agreed.

Well I love the dog, he's two years old now and he's my baby but I still crave the dog competitions, agility, intelligence and loyalty that I've been used to in the past. I've been unable to train the dog in anything other than basic commands and even then it's sketchy. Took him to training classes etc and have been told he's just not that kind of dog.

I'm thinking of buying a Doberman. I'm experienced in big strong breeds and apart from what it would give me, I think it would benefit my Frenchie too to have another dog to play with, run and learn from.

DH says no way. My friends say "is he your boss? Just get one if you want one that badly". DH is adamant that it's not happening.

WIBU to overrule him and just get one? I mean, really, what's DOES make him the boss?

OP posts:
Zampa · 06/06/2018 21:29

Yes, you would be unreasonable.

Notevilstepmother · 06/06/2018 21:29

He’s not the boss. But you are a partnership. Tricky. What’s his reasoning?

SluttyButty · 06/06/2018 21:29

If my husband overruled me and bought another dog home he'd be finding somewhere else to live that accepted pets.

KinkyAfro · 06/06/2018 21:30

Very unreasonable

Ummmmgogo · 06/06/2018 21:30

yes completely unreasonable.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 06/06/2018 21:30

No he isn't your boss but a dog would be a joint decision in this house. If DH just decided & got a mutt I'd be mighty pissed off with him-even more if I had said a definite no.

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 21:31

You can't bring a living creature into a household unless everyone agrees.

Littledidsheknow · 06/06/2018 21:31

It's not a case of him being the boss; you should agree on such big decisions. It's also his home and his life that will be affected. And dogs are expensive.

I am sympathetic, though... I'd love another dog to keep LittleDog company, but DH isn't keen.

SensingWeakness · 06/06/2018 21:31

If my husband overruled me and bought another dog home he'd be finding somewhere else to live that accepted pets

This. What pets you have is a joint decision.

ReadytoTalk · 06/06/2018 21:31

Yeah that is quite unreasonable. You can't just get a big dog like that. What about something little like a min. Poodle or papillon? They're amazing at agility and extremely clever.

TowerRavenSeven · 06/06/2018 21:34

Ywvu if you just did it. Pets, like children, should be agreed upon by both partners imo. However, that should have included the Frenchie too...some compromise should have been made as to the type and not just what he wanted.

Lucked · 06/06/2018 21:34

Is ther not a middle ground between a French bull dog and a Doberman? If he doesn’t like big dogs a Doberman isn’t the breed to win him over.

Original poster
IWant2Dogs · 06/06/2018 21:35

I have social anxiety, I don't go out unless it's work or walking the dog but the dog won't go out in the rain or if it's cold. He gets tired after 20 minutes. Plus a lot of small dogs have been attacked by bull terrier types lately in our area so I'm even going off taking him out. Having a Doberman with us would change that.

I have no interest in socialising with people. My only interest is dogs and my dog is unfortunately, not interested in anything other than sleeping and eating.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 06/06/2018 21:35

What everyone else says. A pet has to be a joint decision.

Butterflykissess · 06/06/2018 21:37

Was it you who posted the Doberman thread the other day?

WombatStewForTea · 06/06/2018 21:37

Aren't you the OP that hates this dog and can't train it? You claim it can't be toilet trained.

Don't do it OP. Despite what you think, you clearly don't have the skills to handle a big dog

Inkspellme · 06/06/2018 21:39

A dog - any dog - makes a big impact in a household. Personally, I would love an Irish Wolfhound. However, my DH doesn't want that size of dog - needs a lot of exercise, can have large vet bills, eats a lot and poos a lot. Overall, its a big commitment and even if I did all of the walking and shouldered all of the expense it would still mean that my DH is living with a large dog he doesn't want. If the situation was reversed I would expect him to listen to my wishes too. So we have a small dog instead. Its not about one person being the boss its about respecting your partners feelings in their own home.

Sparklesocks · 06/06/2018 21:39

I don’t think it’s fair to pin all that on getting a new dog

ilovesooty · 06/06/2018 21:41

I don't think you should have settled for a dog you didn't want in the first place.

Chattymummyhere · 06/06/2018 21:41

You already reached a compromise. You wanted a dog he didn’t eventually he agreed but only a certain breed. A small lazy dog. His said clearly he doesn’t want a Doberman and it would be ridiculous to get one it could end your marriage. If my dh suddenly came home with a new dog he would be told to take it back to where it came from or to find somewhere else to live.

Dieu · 06/06/2018 21:41

It should be a joint decision, but he was wrong to railroad you into a certain breed at the start.

zwellers · 06/06/2018 21:41

Seriously. If a man suggested this there would a chorus of he is controlling Ltb etc. And They would be right. You can't bring in a living creature without full agreement of all. You were also unreasonable picking a dog you didn't want just to have a dog.

EdmundCleverClogs · 06/06/2018 21:41

It’s you again, isn’t it Hmm

SweetCheeks1980 · 06/06/2018 21:42

@I want why would having a doberman change anything?

You need to sort out your anxiety as all that does is make dogs develop issues themselves.

I bring in animals without my partner's "permission" but we have over fifty so it's not like he notices.

SluttyButty · 06/06/2018 21:42

Hate to say this but my medium to large dog is a fairweather creature. Flatly refuses to go out in the rain and can hold her wee for 24hrs to prove the point too.