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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

TO just buy another dog and deal with the fallout?

125 replies

IWant2Dogs · 06/06/2018 21:27

I love dogs. I love them more than humans. I begged DH to let me have a dog for years but he always refused. Eventually he developed a fascination with French Bulldogs and decided I could have one of them. I wasn't keen, I'd always wanted a big, smart dog that o could train in agility, go on long walks, run with etc and a Frenchie really want what I had in mind. But because I was so desperate for a dog, I agreed.

Well I love the dog, he's two years old now and he's my baby but I still crave the dog competitions, agility, intelligence and loyalty that I've been used to in the past. I've been unable to train the dog in anything other than basic commands and even then it's sketchy. Took him to training classes etc and have been told he's just not that kind of dog.

I'm thinking of buying a Doberman. I'm experienced in big strong breeds and apart from what it would give me, I think it would benefit my Frenchie too to have another dog to play with, run and learn from.

DH says no way. My friends say "is he your boss? Just get one if you want one that badly". DH is adamant that it's not happening.

WIBU to overrule him and just get one? I mean, really, what's DOES make him the boss?

OP posts:

ByeMF · 06/06/2018 23:50

I brought in a second dog. Didn't tell the husband. Bloody love the dog. He's asleep on the bed next to me. Sadly husband and I are no longer together!

Aus84 · 07/06/2018 00:08

*I love dogs. I love them more than humans

I have no interest in socialising with people. My only interest is dogs*

So get rid of the human and get your dog.

TemptressofWaikiki · 07/06/2018 02:21

Personally, I am biased and would therefore say YANBU because I have four Greyhounds but then they tend to take long, long power naps and generally are super lazy but are seasoned snugglers. French Bulldogs are one of the very few breeds I cannot stand. I am yet to meet one that isn’t thick, or somewhat neurotic. I’d be massively annoyed if my DH would bring one of those home, so you really deserve another, proper dog. Also, my DH would not dream to object to a new dog. Your DH is very unreasonable to foist that breed on you and trying to lord over you regarding getting another dog that you really would cherish. Get rid of the DH, he sounds like a controlling arse with appalling taste in dog breeds.

PintOfMineralWater · 07/06/2018 02:31

ywbVVVu. I'm a dog lover and owner, but if DH wasn't totally on board we wouldn't have a dog. Getting a dog is a huge decision, so stop all this childish nonsense about who's the boss of whom - you sound like my small children.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/06/2018 02:45

I love dogs. I love them more than humans.

Well as you clearly love them more than your husband, why not gwt one as you probably wont cry too many tears over losing him as long as you keep your "babies".

agnurse · 07/06/2018 03:16

Many animal shelters won't even allow you to adopt an animal unless everyone in the house is present and agrees to the adoption. I do not recommend going behind your DH's back.

You need to make some serious decisions. Do you have children? If so, are you willing to sacrifice their having an intact family so that you can have the dog you want? If not, are you more interested in your DH or in the dog?

As the PPs have suggested, you might see if you can find someone else's dog to walk. Some shelters have volunteer programs and they often need people to walk dogs. Might that be an option for you?

emmyrose2000 · 07/06/2018 03:25

WIBU to overrule him and just get one? I mean, really, what's DOES make him the boss?

On the flip side, what makes YOU the boss? You sound very childish. Marriage is about being a partnership, not whose The Boss.

What happens when the Doberman doesn't live up to your expectations? Get a third dog? Then a fourth? Fifth?

lljkk · 07/06/2018 03:56

Nice touch on the "Protect us from attack" theme.
Dobies are soppy stupid things. What will next drip feed be, I wonder.

JJS888 · 07/06/2018 03:56

I don't really like this no and that's final thing. That said, I also have about 40 fosters and rescues at the moment, including a family of husky pups in the maids flat, I don't ask but to be fair, I literally find these ones on the street. Not sure I would go out and buy an animal if he wasn't happy. Actually, I would never buy an animal, there are plenty of pre bought pure breeds in shelters.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/06/2018 04:03

Yes, YWBcompletely U to just bring another dog into the house.

And he would be within his rights to tell you to choose between him and the dog.

He's already compromised - with the French bulldog. It's a dog but you're not happy because it's not exactly what you wanted.

Pets are like children - you can't just "overrule" someone and bring one in and expect to get away with it!

I'd love a cat. DH hates cats. DSs would love a cat. I'll say again, DH hates, properly hates cats. So we don't have a cat.
DH would have a dog but I don't like dogs and I would be the one doing all the bloody work for it, so we don't have a dog either.

Guineapigs - we both agreed on those because they're not a huge amount of work, don't need walking or poo picked up and so on. I still do all the work but they're guineapigs so I don't mind so much.

IF DH decided to bring a dog/puppy home one day, he'd be finding it a new home the next day, either with or without him.

SweetCheeks1980 · 07/06/2018 06:54

I personally think if you loved dogs you'd already have a few and your DH would know complaining is a mute point.

TO just buy another dog and deal with the fallout?

IslaBoots · 07/06/2018 08:58

A Doberman and a frenchie will never be company for each other. They couldn't be further apart size or personality wise.

I can sympathise with you not being happy with a frenchie. It's not the dog you originally wanted. In fact it's far removed from the dog you wanted. Tbh I wouldn't have the slightest interest in a frenchie either.

If you want to do agility why are you looking at a Doberman? It seems you have some image in your mind of you walking a large, well trained dog who will make you look somehow detached from your usual persona.

Large dogs need a lot more training than small dogs, like frenchies. Are you the poster who complained their frenchie wasn't getting the idea of toilet training?

A Doberman will undoubtedly be smarter than a frenchie. But come on all dog breeds quickly catch on to toilet training when it's done correctly and consistently.

If you genuinely love dogs more than humans you shouldn't have much problem ditching the human and living happily ever after with your dog.

I'd rethink the Doberman though. Let us know what you decide

SweetCheeks1980 · 07/06/2018 09:07

@Isla dogs of any size can be companions. What utter rubbish!

SweetCheeks1980 · 07/06/2018 09:09

I actually can't believe how many people on here stating if their partner brought home a pet they'd be kicked out!
Over a pet???
Bloody he'll, my kids have bought pets home and not been kicked out!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/06/2018 09:16

It wouldn't be "over a pet" it would be over a total lack of respect for the other "partner" in the relationship.

BitchQueen90 · 07/06/2018 09:16

YABU.

I like animals but I don't want one in my house. I don't want the responsibility and the added expense. They're too much of a tie for me. If my partner got a pet against my wishes then either they'd have to get rid of it or move out because there's no way it would be staying at mine.

He's not the boss, no, but you have to compromise in a relationship. Pets are a big responsibility. If you don't want to do that then ditch the DP.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 07/06/2018 09:28

I actually can't believe how many people on here stating if their partner brought home a pet they'd be kicked out!
Over a pet???

SweetCheeks1980 No, it would be because one partner has shown a total lack of respect for their other partner. If A brings home a dog when B has made it explicitly clear they don’t want one, A is saying that B’s feelings don’t matter to them and they will do what they want anyway.

B, rightfully, doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone so selfish.

squiglet111 · 07/06/2018 10:21

If have dogs is so important to you and all you care about is dogs, why did you marry someone that doesn't like dogs? If owning dogs mean so much to you then maybe rethink if you want to be with your husband

HectorlovesKiki · 07/06/2018 10:29

Suggest you leave DH, run off with dog, get your precious doberman and live a happy life.
Wishing you well.

Juells · 07/06/2018 10:30

But if she loves dogs, as she says, I'd expect her to love the french bulldog by now. I didn't want another dog after my last one died, but decided to foster instead. I fostered two four-year-old chihuahuas and fell madly in love with the male, but found the little bitch hugely irritating. I took them both, because I didn't want to separate them, but it took months for me to warm to the bitch. But I did, and now I love her just as much as the dog. If you're a dog-lover, as the OP claims, I just don't see how you can have a dog around for two years, from puppyhood presumably, and not be besotted by it.

I think this is all about image, and a small dog doesn't provide the image that the OP desires. She has some fancy-schmancy image in her head of how things will be when she gets the dog of her dreams.

LOVE THE DOG YOU HAVE.

Hillingdon · 07/06/2018 10:31

Honestly I have had a very similar dog to a dobbie. They are not for the faint hearted. I think you sound a little deluded. IMHO a Frenchie isn't a real dog (sorry - they look gormless!) .

We now still have a big dog and he is quite clumsy and dare I say a bit of a twit. When he is in a room you definitely know it. I love the greyhounds who curl up and you hardly know they are there. Still, it was a joint decision to have him - I couldnt imagine one of us deciding to get a dobbie when the other had said no... Think you need to sort out your mental health before anything else.

Juells · 07/06/2018 10:33

IMHO a Frenchie isn't a real dog (sorry - they look gormless!) .

I hate the way people judge dogs on their looks. They don't ask to be bred looking that way. Do gormless dogs not deserve to be loved as well?

IslaBoots · 07/06/2018 10:34

Isladogs of any size can be companions. What utter rubbish

A frenchie and a Doberman are in no way good company for each other. They have nowhere near the same energy level to start with. Have you ever seen 2 dogs playing? How on earth is a Doberman going to play safely with a frenchie? It's not!

user1489434024 · 07/06/2018 10:36

YADNBU. Go for it. But not a Doberman for those things you want to do. Go for a collie, malinois, german shepherd etc.

YWBU to get a Doberman for what you want...

StillNoClue · 07/06/2018 10:49

What happens if your Doberman doesn't like the rain or wont be trained for agility.? What if your frenchie doesn't get on with the new dog. Don't get another dog when your partner has made it clear he doesn't want one.
My medium sized dog hated the rain and would never in a million years consider sitting down if it was wet. He was horrendously lazy.
If you find that dogs are a way for you to leave the house have you considered volunteering with a local rehoming centre and walking dogs from there?
There is a charity and you can walk peoples dogs who can't walk them due to health reasons etc. Can't for the life of me remember who they are, but it's nationwide. Maybe someone else will know who they are. You basically select what area you are and reply to the various adverts people place.

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