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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

TO just buy another dog and deal with the fallout?

125 replies

IWant2Dogs · 06/06/2018 21:27

I love dogs. I love them more than humans. I begged DH to let me have a dog for years but he always refused. Eventually he developed a fascination with French Bulldogs and decided I could have one of them. I wasn't keen, I'd always wanted a big, smart dog that o could train in agility, go on long walks, run with etc and a Frenchie really want what I had in mind. But because I was so desperate for a dog, I agreed.

Well I love the dog, he's two years old now and he's my baby but I still crave the dog competitions, agility, intelligence and loyalty that I've been used to in the past. I've been unable to train the dog in anything other than basic commands and even then it's sketchy. Took him to training classes etc and have been told he's just not that kind of dog.

I'm thinking of buying a Doberman. I'm experienced in big strong breeds and apart from what it would give me, I think it would benefit my Frenchie too to have another dog to play with, run and learn from.

DH says no way. My friends say "is he your boss? Just get one if you want one that badly". DH is adamant that it's not happening.

WIBU to overrule him and just get one? I mean, really, what's DOES make him the boss?

OP posts:

4GreenApples · 06/06/2018 21:43

YABU.

A pet shouldn’t be brought into a home unless everyone living in the home agrees to it.

pasturesgreen · 06/06/2018 21:50

If you were my DP and came home with a Doberman, I'd move out.

HTH.

WorraLiberty · 06/06/2018 21:51

You're friend's a prick.

And if you're anything like a responsible pet owner, you'll know that already.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 06/06/2018 21:54

OP you are not coming across well. Social anxiety but I'll be alright with a Doberman,? Is your name really Damien,?

Charolais · 06/06/2018 21:54

You can’t beat a Border Collie or and Australian Shepherd.

caringcarer · 06/06/2018 21:55

Your dh did not want a dog at all then he compromised and agreed on one. You are pushing your luck by asking for another. I like dogs but would not want a Doberman. If your dh is not even keen on dogs I doubt he would accept a Doberman.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 06/06/2018 21:56

Get a spaniel or a collie, much better for agility and running.
You are probably BU but I won’t blame you as I did similar. DH has now to endure a bonkers cocker spaniel, but he got used to her, in fact everyone loves her as she is super friendly with humans and dogs and always up for a play or exercise.

mistermagpie · 06/06/2018 21:56

You can't just get a big Doberman against your husbands wishes, it would be totally unreasonable and unfair on everyone involved, including the dog.

Pets must be a joint decision. I already had cats when I met my husband and he wasn't a cat person (he is now!) but he could choose not to live with them/me if he wanted to. Yours can't make that choice.

FilledSoda · 06/06/2018 21:57

No absolutely do not do that without his agreement.
Very unfair on your husband and the poor dog

PuppetOnAString · 06/06/2018 22:00

Are you the person with an untrained French bulldog and everyone advised you to rehome it?

Buggeroffalo · 06/06/2018 22:02

Given a choice, would you rather have a dog or your husband?

Because that’s a choice you may be making if you go behind his back to get one when you know he doesn’t want one. He’s compromised once already.

RebootYourEngine · 06/06/2018 22:02

You need to ask yourself. Do you love a dog you dont have yet more than your dh? If the answer is yes then you need to rethink your marriage. If my dh came home with a dog i would be pissed off.

Juells · 06/06/2018 22:05

When a friend was unemployed he used to walk someone's doberman. It was a nightmare, used to drag him along, nearly pulled his arm out of the socket, huge poos to clear up, the dog used to lunge at every dog they passed on the walk. The owner heard him yelling and shouting "Stop pulling, you fucking fucker" at the dog, and sacked him. My friend was a big adult male, and was barely in control of the dog, used to be absolutely exhausted after a half hour walk.

Surely they're not suitable for agility, either? That's mostly collies or smaller dogs I'd have thought.

As for a Doberman benefiting your French Bulldog - pull the other one. It would be squashed or seriously injured the first time the Doberman got playful.

VladmirsPoutine · 06/06/2018 22:06

What's rather remarkable is the way in which you seem to have an odd way of communicating with your husband. It's almost as though you're both playing at being a married couple with all this talk of 'letting me', 'allowed', 'boss', 'overrule him'

daffodillament · 06/06/2018 22:06

I understand. Not a fan of small yappy dogs but love the bigger breeds and would never want to be without one, I think it's fab to have kids grow up with a dog around. We have a bonkers lab and he is the best ! I suggest you make it clearer than clear to dh how much this means to you and hopefully he will come around. I wouldn't just go ahead as it's a massive commitment in terms of responsibility and cost.

altiara · 06/06/2018 22:07

Why did you agree to the bulldog. Is he the DH that just brought it home and you didn’t like it?
Maybe a small agile dog would be better but you can’t adopt a dog without everyone being on board.

Foodylicious · 06/06/2018 22:09

Can you volunteer walk big dogs for the dogs trust or something?
Somewhere to start and maybe in time OH could come with you and might get to like dogs more.

Your post talks quite a bit about what you want out of having a dog. What does the dog get out it?

Lovemusic33 · 06/06/2018 22:10

I love dogs more than people. A few years ago I was in your shoes, desperate for another dog, a bigger dog, I thought it would be great, it wasn’t great, it just added to the stress of family life, he was hard to train, wanted to be walked miles several times a day (I was walking 10k a day and he wanted more), he barked at everything, ate everything and hated being left alone. In the end I had to rehome him as I just couldn’t give him what he needed (a lot of attention and training). I still love dogs but I would not get another, I have my old girl who’s now 11 but when she goes I won’t be getting another.

Getting another dog did not benefit my other dog, it made her hyper, made my garden a bigger mess and made life a lot harder.

Get a cat instead

TheVanguardSix · 06/06/2018 22:10

Why Doberman, specifically?

musicposy · 06/06/2018 22:10

French bulldogs are meant to be not too difficult to train. They can be stubborn, yes, but they are eager to please in the right hands. The Doberman, despite being very intelligent, can be quite dominant at times. A lady I see on dog walks has one; she cannot control it at all. A bright dog is a double edged sword in this respect.

We have a bright small/ medium dog and yes, I do agility with her which is great. BUT she thinks out absolutely everything; she's constantly trying to outsmart the rules. She can reach high places because she will push chairs and items around, she can open doors inwards, she learnt to escape a dog crate. She is always in scrapes and I have spent hours and hours and hours training her. A bright dog is quick to pick things up but they also pick up all sorts of ideas you never wanted them to!

If you cannot get a Frenchie to go for a walk in the rain you really should not be getting a Doberman. It's also massively unfair on your husband.

Get your current dog doing what you want it to do. One of my dogs does not like walks in the rain. She goes for walks in the rain. Try a different trainer if need be. Work harder with the dog you have, and then have the conversation with DH again a couple of years down the line.

GabsAlot · 06/06/2018 22:10

sorry he comprimised already you cant just get another dog because you want it to train

i got a cat dh agreed under duress but she was with us for 18 years-i agreed not to go another as he doesnt want to

its give and take

Pinguine · 06/06/2018 22:10

I've been unable to train the dog in anything other than basic commands and even then it's sketchy

Without wanting to be rude or cruel, this genuinely speaks more about your own attitude/skills/experience than the intelligence of your dog.

Love, cherish and appreciate the dog you do have, rather than thinking the grass is always greener- there is no world in which you should be getting a doberman in your situation, and to do so would be unfair on both dogs and on your husband.

theforceisstrong · 06/06/2018 22:11

I have two - one of them pulls a bit but if you put them in a dogmatic halti they literally can't pull and are easy to walk. They are great to run with they love it. They would also be good at agility as they like to be challenged. They are fabulous dogs and sound like the perfect dog for you BUT it's a joint decision and I wouldn't bring a dog like that home without the agreement of my DH. I am however tempted to buy a sausage dog and sneak it in the dog basket as I don't think he will notice

CageyBee · 06/06/2018 22:11

It seems I’m in the minority here but what struck me was that you said your husband wouldn’t “let” you get a dog and then he decided you were “allowed” a specific breed. I think what a lot of respondents so far are doing are confusing their own dislike of dogs with spotting abuse in a relationship.

Wolfiefan · 06/06/2018 22:13

The training is about you. Not the dog. There's no such thing as "not that sort of dog."
If this dog is so unfit it can't walk far then how will it be a playmate for a Doberman?
Never get a pet unless everyone in the house agrees.

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