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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

TO just buy another dog and deal with the fallout?

125 replies

IWant2Dogs · 06/06/2018 21:27

I love dogs. I love them more than humans. I begged DH to let me have a dog for years but he always refused. Eventually he developed a fascination with French Bulldogs and decided I could have one of them. I wasn't keen, I'd always wanted a big, smart dog that o could train in agility, go on long walks, run with etc and a Frenchie really want what I had in mind. But because I was so desperate for a dog, I agreed.

Well I love the dog, he's two years old now and he's my baby but I still crave the dog competitions, agility, intelligence and loyalty that I've been used to in the past. I've been unable to train the dog in anything other than basic commands and even then it's sketchy. Took him to training classes etc and have been told he's just not that kind of dog.

I'm thinking of buying a Doberman. I'm experienced in big strong breeds and apart from what it would give me, I think it would benefit my Frenchie too to have another dog to play with, run and learn from.

DH says no way. My friends say "is he your boss? Just get one if you want one that badly". DH is adamant that it's not happening.

WIBU to overrule him and just get one? I mean, really, what's DOES make him the boss?

OP posts:

FredSheeran · 07/06/2018 10:57

There is a charity and you can walk peoples dogs who can't walk them due to health reasons etc. Can't for the life of me remember who they are, but it's nationwide.

Are you thinking of The Cinnamon Trust?

Wolfiefan · 07/06/2018 11:14

Cinnamon Trust is awesome. A great charity.

StillNoClue · 07/06/2018 13:46

Cinnamon trust. That's the one

FredSheeran · 07/06/2018 15:55

But this isn't about the dog, really, is it? It's about the magic wand you think will make you happy, when in fact you should deal with whatever it is that's making you feel unhappy first.

It's really, really, really not fair to bring a big dog - or any dog - into an environment where only one person wants it. Dogs are sensitive creatures, they can tell when there's tension. And if you end up splitting over the fact that you rode roughshod over your DH's feelings, or your DH puts his foot down and makes you rehome the dog once you've got it, that's more upheaval for the new dog AND your existing Frenchie - does either of them deserve that?

PsychedelicSheep · 07/06/2018 18:35

'Think you need to sort out your mental health before anything else'

This.

If you're social anxiety is so bad you can't leave the house other than to work then this is what needs addressing. A Doberman would be a sticking plaster at best, but no dog will actually tackle the root of the issue.

Juells · 07/06/2018 18:55

Is the frenchie alone all day while you work? :(

Angie169 · 07/06/2018 19:18

wombat I thought this straight away too.

I agree with most of the post here ,you can not just go and get another dog no matter what it's size or breed .
Why not satisfy your want / need for another dog by offering to either, walk a friend/ neighbours dog, help at a boarding kennels, or look for a job in the dog training industry like guide , sniffer , police , army dogs .
I would not recommended working at a rehoming centre as it will be to tempting to take a 'stray' home

Usernameunknown2 · 07/06/2018 20:37

Your friends sound very immature, dh is not the boss of you but neither are you the boss of him.

A dog is joint decision and venture. He has already compromised now its your turn. I sympathise because i have anxiety and sometimes its hard to push yourself without a reason but you cannot get another dog because it suits you, not in this situation.

If you end up with no dog because it dies then its worth having a conversation about another.

Juells · 08/06/2018 14:38

@Usernameunknown2

If you end up with no dog because it dies then its worth having a conversation about another.

Usernameunknown2 · 08/06/2018 17:47

Why the face? Im suggesting she park the idea of another dog but when her dog eventually dies then i think its fair to discuss again. Then she can consider a different breed if they agree.

Im not suggesting she kill it off

Usernameunknown2 · 08/06/2018 17:48

Im also not saying that the dh would have to agree to another dog if it dies either, but then its fair to discuss.

DownAndUnder · 08/06/2018 17:51

I love dogs more than people too but would go mad if my partner got a Doberman without me agreeing! Really not the best suited to living with a french bulldog either and will take a lot of time away from your current dog.

OneStepSideways · 08/06/2018 18:14

You'd be very unreasonable and disrespectful to do it behind his back, without his agreement.
It's his home too and sounds like he doesn't want to share it with a big powerful dog (who may not get on with the other dog anyway)

ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates · 08/06/2018 19:07

I'm slightly obsessed with dogs (have had them all my life), and when our old dog passed away our children pestered non-stop "can we have another dog?" while DH said "don't get another dog". Well we got another dog, a collie cross, a fait accompli for DH, and within days DH and dog were inseparable. That was 11 years ago, and while the dog loves me she worships DH. They are so soppy together it's pathetic. This dog (that DH didn't want) has brought so much happiness into our lives. Youngest DC and DH took her to agility for a few years, which really helped DC with her confidence. DC have flown the nest now so it's just me, DH and DD (darling dog) and I'm the odd one out!

So many on this thread with such rigid views on life. Take risks, do daft things, throw caution to the wind. We certainly wouldn't have had half the adventures in life and business that we've had if we'd adopted the attitude of posters on this thread (ending a relationship for bringing a pet home! Even a hamster?). Often the worst scenario becomes the best thing that could have happened.

Whitney168 · 08/06/2018 19:09

I don't go out unless it's work or walking the dog but the dog won't go out in the rain or if it's cold

I wouldn't depend on a Dobermann for that, mine hated the rain LOL.

Timeisslipingaway · 08/06/2018 19:13

Why is it ok to get a certain type of dog? Why did you agree to get a French bull dog? Sounds like you will be doing most of the looking after so what's the problem?

Whocansay · 08/06/2018 19:22

Getting a doberman could go horribly wrong. Yes, they are good for training. But by someone who knows what they are doing. I'm not sure you do. There is a reason they are popular as guard dogs. They can be aggrressive, but a good trainer can get them to channel that aggression. I'm really not sure that having a larger untrained dog would be good for your anxiety.

Your DH clearly compromised on a French Bulldog as they are small, have short hair and are supposed to be good companions. You have been unable to look after it appropriately and don't seem to have any affection for the poor thing. I feel sorry for your dog and think you should rehome it where it can get the care and love it needs.

I would be furious if my DH did something like this behind my back. I would love a dog, but he's mildly allergic to them. So I can't have one. I wouldn't dream of just buying one and chucking him a box of piriton.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 08/06/2018 19:53

Take risks, do daft things, throw caution to the wind.

ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates This is such inappropriate and ridiculous advice to give on the subject of owning pets that it makes me worry about your ability to care for your dog.

Any pet is a massive commitment; you don’t just decide to get one on a whim or think “fuck it, why not”.

You were also very, very selfish to get a dog your DH didn’t want; that he now “loves” it and is “inseparable” from it is completely irrelevant. You showed him that you didn’t care what he wanted or about his feelings and showed him a total lack of respect.

I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who thought so little of my feelings as you do your husbands.

Juells · 08/06/2018 19:57

I think people who are advising the OP to just get another dog should think about the fact that she already has a dog, which she seems not to like or want. She wants to get another dog, a big aggressive breed unsuitable for agility which is what she claims she wants it for. Her husband doesn't want her to get another dog, he's already compromised over a small dog.

Some posters just don't seem to be getting what's going on here.

Juells · 08/06/2018 20:01

Jesus, I'm so upset by this thread, and the thought of that poor little french bulldog who'll be terrified and bullied when the selfish OP brings in some fucking monster that's out of control, all because she wants to be swanning around in public with it.

REHOME YOUR CURRENT DOG.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 08/06/2018 20:05

YWBVU.

Incidentally if you love dogs more than humans and your DH isn't keen on dogs I'd be asking why you're with him?

givemesteel · 08/06/2018 20:21

Your social anxiety is not due to not having a doberman, nor would having a doberman cure it. Some people are very introverted and that's OK, but it sounds like it's having a very inhibiting impact on your life and you're fixating on a doberman as a solution rather than a real solution.

In answer to your question, yabu, you have a dog, I think the breed was the compromise.

Ketzele · 13/06/2018 15:05

I knew a family where the woman was desperate for another dog, her husband said no. They rowed about it for weeks, in the end he said, "It's me or a dog". Next day he comes home to find a new dog, which his wife introduces by his own name - i.e. she has given the dog the husband's name, as if to say, "Here's your replacement".

Husband gone by the end of the week.

I am not recommending this.

FASH84 · 13/06/2018 16:08

DHs aunt has a French bulldog, she's taught it tricks (paw, beg, play dead) and it will obey simple commands when out walking and it's deaf in one ear! It's never going to make it into one man and his dog, but if you can't even toilet train yours you need to focus on that rather than giving up and getting a different dog.

IslaBoots · 13/06/2018 18:34

You have been given lots of opinions OP. I wonder if you will return to the thread? Please let us know what you have decided. There's no right or wrong way. Do what's best for you after weighing up the pros and cons.

I have to wonder though why you settled for a French Bulldog when your heart was set on a Doberman? The breeds are polar opposites!

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