TO just buy another dog and deal with the fallout?

[IWant2Dogs]

I love dogs. I love them more than humans. I begged DH to let me have a dog for years but he always refused. Eventually he developed a fascination with French Bulldogs and decided I could have one of them. I wasn't keen, I'd always wanted a big, smart dog that o could train in agility, go on long walks, run with etc and a Frenchie really want what I had in mind. But because I was so desperate for a dog, I agreed.

Well I love the dog, he's two years old now and he's my baby but I still crave the dog competitions, agility, intelligence and loyalty that I've been used to in the past. I've been unable to train the dog in anything other than basic commands and even then it's sketchy. Took him to training classes etc and have been told he's just not that kind of dog.

I'm thinking of buying a Doberman. I'm experienced in big strong breeds and apart from what it would give me, I think it would benefit my Frenchie too to have another dog to play with, run and learn from.

DH says no way. My friends say "is he your boss? Just get one if you want one that badly". DH is adamant that it's not happening.

WIBU to overrule him and just get one? I mean, really, what's DOES make him the boss?

oh dont be strupid cagey

so shes just allowed to do whatever she wants-he lives there too

he compromised

@CageyBee

you said your husband wouldn’t “let” you get a dog and then he decided you were “allowed” a specific breed

In many contexts I'd agree with you, but bringing another living being into a home is not an individual choice or right, unless you live as an individual. It is absolutely something that BOTH must fully agree to and be on board with- so yes, the husband is allowed to veto or refuse.

Pinguine I think that's a bit unfair. Frenchies are renowned for being a bit dumb, not following commands and incredibly stubborn. They also don't like walking far and they can't breathe well. To be honest they are the worst possible dog for what the op wants a dog for.

Who’d you love more- your friends or your dh? Cause ultimately it boils down to if you do what your friends say, you’ll be living with them.

My dp asked me not to get another pet. His allergies are bad enough with what I already have. We don’t even live together and I agreed, despite longing for another- because I love him more than the idea of another furry

No, it’s a cunts trick.

“My wife says I can’t get a second mortgage to open a bar, I refused to be controlled”
It’s a child’s logic

If a Frenchie gets the better of you, you won't be able to manage a Doberman.

If a man suggested this there would a chorus of he is controlling Ltb etc. And They would be right. You can't bring in a living creature without full agreement of all.

Maybe. However if a woman posted that her DH wanted a second dog and was prepared to take full responsibility but she had told him "no way", he would get a chorus of "poor bloke" and "is she always so controlling" and "get the dog and lose the wife".

I would leave someone if they came home with a dog at all, never mind behind my back.

I couldn't stand someone telling me I couldn't do something I really wanted to do but compromising enough that you are allowed a breed he picks out. If you are doing all the looking after and training, why should it be a problem?
I know it's not the point of the thread but why pedigree dogs? All their health problems... Check dogsblog.com and see if there's one you can help maybe? They have pedigrees on there as well as puppies if you're really stuck on that.

@CageyBee

It seems I’m in the minority here but what struck me was that you said your husband wouldn’t “let” you get a dog and then he decided you were “allowed” a specific breed. I think what a lot of respondents so far are doing are confusing their own dislike of dogs with spotting abuse in a relationship.

I love dogs, have two, one daughter has five, including big lurchers and a jack russel, the other has two smaller. I've had dogs all my life, anything and everything, collies, dachsies, GSs, springer spaniels. It's because I love dogs that I'm worried about the OP getting a Doberman. She has a dog, that she should be loving and looking after. What happens to the French bulldog when an enormous dog comes into the house? Ignored, considered a nuisance, probably given away... I don't buy that it's her 'baby'. It's considered an inferior specimen that's not worth bothering about.

I did this OP. Begged for a dog and DH begrudgingly agreed. Poor thing was struggling to settle in and looked a bit lonely so 2 weeks later I bought him a sister without telling dh. Just brought her home. The dogs are best friends and (like children) 2 is much easier than 1. Dh just shook his head but I caught him giving both the dogs treats a few minutes later!

It's very hard to refuse another dog when it's already in your home just get one, your dh will come round.

at people willing to kick their partners out over a pet. Couldn't imagine have a relationship weak enough to be ended the second a dog is brought into the house. How very strange. Although this is MN so I will just assume the over reaction to the OP is very much exaggerated.

I saw a French bulldog make a pretty fair attempt at an agility show the other week
It looked very happy and pleased with itself!

You can't decide it's an abusive relationship on the basis of what OP has written! I got challenged in the school playground the other day by a couple of mums who had been told by my dp that I have 'banned' her from getting a dog.

The truth: my dp has major health problems and is pretty much stuck at home. I work FT, do 75% of the childcare and 95% of the housework. I am knackered. I haven't banned a dog but I have said, "I don't have five minutes spare in the day, let alone time for daily dogwalking. Dogs are a huge amount of work. Please don't bring a dog into this house until you are 100% confident of your ability to provide its care, because it's not something I can step up to." Which is very different from 'letting', but can easily be represented as such.

YWBU to bring an animal into the family home against your dh's wishes.

Why not volunteer to walk someone else's big dog? A local shelter, or borrowmydoggy.com or Cinnamon Trust, for example? I'm sure there are plenty of people who would love to have you exercise their dog and take it to agility training. And this wouldn't have to affect your dh.

I knew a young teenager who borrowed the dogs of various elderly neighbours, took them on walks and did agility training with them. Everyone benefited.

How could you walk the French bulldog and the Doberman together? They have totally different requirements - as you say, the bulldog can barely stand 20 minutes, and the Doberman will need 1 hour minimum a day

@NoSugarCoatingHere

It's very hard to refuse another dog when it's already in your home grin just get one, your dh will come round.

I suspect there's a back-story that we're not getting. PP have mentioned that the OP has posted about the dog she already has, elsewhere.

Nosugar nothing wrong with our marriage. I’ve told him no more pets whatsoever, we’re 50 and I’m the one who vacuums up all our current dogs fur —and has to listen to her barking at every fucking thing that walks past the door— So yes if he decided to bring a dog home against my express wishes, he’d be finding somewhere else to live.

He can have another bike, run more marathons and go to as many music festivals as he likes. Just NO MORE PETS allowed 😉

Doberman is not, IMO, a good choice for agility. Do some research on Wobblers, sadly quite common in that breed. Collies and springers are fab for agility, but tbh, if you can’t train a Frenchie, you have no business getting an intelligent breed like those two.

No sugar - it's because we have a strong relationship that I know he wouldn't dare

Be careful about getting a Doberman if you have anxiety issues and you are fearful. If you don’t go out then how will you provide the dog with essential socialisation. Dobermans have a strong guarding instinct and may become aggressive if you are scared and they feel they need to protect you from a perceived threat. A lot of dobermans have serious health issues and you need to have plenty of money for vets bills. You will also need to consider walking them separately as it sounds like the Frenchie won’t be able to keep up.

He's not the boss. But then neither are you.

A second dog needs to be a joint decision

Dobermans aren’t super dog friendly though are they? Like don’t they need to be very well socialised from a young age to avoid future problems? What happens if your frenchie doesn’t take a liking to your doberman? This could cause serious problems for you if they start to fight and get jealous. Has your frenchie been well socialised? Just because it’s a small dog, they can still be violent.

Someone I know had a French bulldog and an English bulldog, the frenchie just never got on with the new puppy and two years later, they had to give their Frenchie to their mum. Eventually the dog would attack the other dog at any given opportunity and they had to be in separate rooms at all times and walked separately, so the family couldn’t all be together. They also had a new baby who was the same size as the dogs, and a dog behaviourist expressed concerns that the frenchie could attack their baby based on his previous alterations and how he badly he responded to the behaviourist training.

I think this is something you have to be in agreement with your partner with as it is quite a major decision and will take a much more hands on approach than you think. You seem to just be in love with the idea of a new dog but not the reality

Oh for goodness sake. I remember all your previous posts about your Frenchie and the one about a Doberman.

Yes YABU and without wanting to be cruel in all of your posts you have come across flighty, clueless and unrealistic about your expectations. You HAVE a dog. Focus your energy on bonding with that one, as you are currently so clearly unable to mask your disdain for it. Refocus your efforts on training, take it to doggy social events or trick and games classes, bring out the best in it.

Your husband doesn't want another dog. You are a partnership, you don't get to overrule eachother. Go volunteer at a big dog shelter if you want the exposure to other breeds. I say this as a big dog person, it would be ridiculous to get another dog against your partner's wishes.

Let go of this unrealistic dream you have of this perfect life with a Doberman who is a) well socialized but b) apparently still intimidating enough to protect you and your dog and that, despite being unable to train your existing dog you miraculously expect to be perfectly trained and an ace at agilty.... Dogs are part of the family. We need to love and accept them warts and all. Focus on your Frenchie.

Your desire to have a Doberman sounds like it has much more to do with your image of yourself than a genuine commitment to dogs.

I think the OP's dh was pretty unreasonable in the first place, refusing to get a dog for years and then deciding to get a French Bulldog because he wanted one, disregarding that it wasn't at all the sort of dog that the OP actually wanted. I love dogs but I'd not want a Frenchie in my home, I think breeding brachycephalic dogs is cruel and find the look (and sound) of the dogs quite repellent. I think it was a mean trick to play really.

Unfortunately that doesn't mean it would be right for the OP to go out and get the sort of dog she wants without her husband agreeing. They share a home and dogs need to be wanted by all the family.

YWBVVVU. It’s nothing to do with anyone being the boss, and it’s everything to do with you being in an equal partnership that makes joint decisions regarding anything that will affect your lives.

Pets are just like kids; the adult who doesn’t want the pet/kid trumps the one who does. If you don’t like that you have two choices: deal with it, or leave.

It is unacceptable to bring a living creature into a home where it would be unwanted, where someone has said no to the animal, and where it would disrupt their life.