...to buy a house that doesn't have a spare room?

[HouseBuyerTurmoil]

I've namechanged because I have a few family members on here.

I'm in the process of buying a house. On Saturday I spotted a lovely house online which I am viewing tomorrow. I told my mum about it and sent her the link.

Her first reaction was "It's only two bedroom, where are me and your dad going to sleep when we come?".

I told her it wasn't a done deal but if we did get the house, they'd have to stay in a hotel or rental.

She wasn't happy at all about this and told me I had to have a spare room for guests and I was being selfish for even considering a house without one.

My parent only visit once a year. DP's parents visit twice or three times a year, which means our current spare room gets used for about ten nights every year. We live in a very touristy city and we're about a mile from the city centre so there are hotels and guest houses very close to us.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable here but when I told my sister about it she sort of sided with my mum. She didn't say my mum was right but she said it was "off" to buy a house that has no room for guests.

In this area, three bedroom houses are about £40,000 more expensive than two bedroom ones. We could afford this but obviously it means longer on the mortgage and also means having a room which isn't used but needs cleaning Plus, the two bedroom house we've seen is perfect for us.

So, am I missing something here? Am I being massively unreasonable?

YANBU! Buy the house you love. We have a spare room - I'm hoping to have another child, in part so that we no longer have a spare room (I'm quite antisocial and hate having people stay overnight)!

I think offering to give up your own bed is the polite thing to do for older guests (ie your parents or in laws)
We have a sofa bed and it's fine for most people but it's low and as in a small room, not easy to get in both sides. So insisting they stay in a sofa bed rather than give up my own bed seems a bit rude to me. Anyone my generation or younger, sofa bed it is. (Or our room if we're away as anything else is it a bit precious with family).

I would buy the house that's perfect for you and DP. Less mortgage and heating and bills is a bonus.

I would suggest to parents on both sides that you'd prefer to rent a cottage somewhere with them for visits instead of them staying at yours. That way you get to see different areas of our beautiful country. And get to spend quality time with them.

I don't get this having parents to stay in your own home all the time. It's not a break when people are in the way.

YANBU to not want to have a spare room but really think about whether a 2 bed will suit your lifestyle in the long term. We moved out of our flat in London and bought a 2 bed. Within weeks I was pregnant after TTC for 5 years. DD2 came along 23 months after DD1 and now we are stuck in a 2 bed house for the next few years because around here it's £100,000 for an extra bedroom and at the moment it's just not affordable for us.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that you are being a little BU. We live hundreds of miles away from both families and have always had a spare room.

The reasons being that:
a) We could afford it
b) We actually like our families and wanted them to come and stay with us
c) If one of us is really poorly there is another room to sleep in
d) Until OH got a CPAP machine to sort his snoring out I was desperate for sleep, and slept in the spare room
e) Our friends are very scattered and stay the night when they come for dinner

Deliberately buying a house with not enough bedrooms to accommodate visiting family does send the message "we don't want you" I'm afraid.

Spare rooms are very useful not just for guests but for airing clothes, storage, moving into when you are decorating main bedroom, when one is ill or needs some space, a sudden emergency when a friend needs to stay. In older life, a lot of couples I know prefer to have separate rooms.

A bigger house should hopefully increase in value more too so I would see it as an investment.

@musicinthe00ssucks I said upthread, there won't be any children! Also your username is completely wrong- music in the 00s were awesome

@Lonicera We're pretty non-plussed about our parents coming to stay. It's not that we don't want them but we wouldn't be particularly fussed if they didn't come. We get on okay. They only come a few times a year between them so it's not like our relationships centre on frequent visits.

Sorry! Guilty of not RTFT! Do what you like it’s your life/Money/house. —and no I’m not wrong, music in the 00s was dire—

I'd much rather have the money and be mortgage free faster. YANBU

yanbu
buy a house that suits you well.
you can always get an airbed for visitors or a sofabed.

I'm totally with your dh, no one sleeps in my bed (very very occassionally dc after a bad dream) apart from me and dh.
visitors go on the sofa bed or air bed in the living room. if that doesn't suit there are a couple of air bnb in our road.

Buy the two bed and buy a blow up mattress. I got a really nice one from Amazon for £50 with a built in pump so all you have to do is plug it in to get it going. Super simple.

You should live in the house that you want to live in. It's ludicrous to get a different one because of this. Not to be insensitive, but your parents could die sooner and then you're stuck in a house with a room you didn't want constantly reminding you that you're only there because of them.

Also, if you need a higher mortgage to afford an otherwise unused bedroom, you cannot easily afford it - getting into debt unnecessarily is not something parents should ask from children. (we live in southeast, we could just about stretch to a 3 bedroom, but our parents would never ask that!. we take turns paying a hotel (travellodge)

I would always have a spare room if i could afford it for all the reasons lonicera suggested. Not everyone can afford a hotel and where we live there arent any in the town. I also hate having people sleeping on my couch as it means people having to go to sleep earlier than they might do otherwise and tip toeing around in the morning if they are still asleep. I also think sofa beds and/or couches arent comfortable as you get older and do not feel comfortable in other peoples houses if i dont have a private room.

Put a sofa bed in the study?

Deliberately buying a house with not enough bedrooms to accommodate visiting family does send the message "we don't want you" I'm afraid

Unbefuckinglievable. Since when?

This is an interesting thread. It does make me wonder whether all the people who live in central London / the centre of quite a few cities are seen as sending the message that their friends and family aren't wanted. I know loads of people (like us) who don't have a spare room - quite a few already have children sharing a room.

This might suit you OP. It's a very high quality (expensive) air bed. We borrowed one from a friend, and were impressed

www.johnlewis.com/aerobed-ultra-divan-king-size/p3077437

Some people can be really weird about buying as much space as you can afford, rather than what you need. Those rooms just end up gathering clutter and, as you say, it's just more space to keep clean.

Get the smaller house – you say it's perfect for you. Save money. Feel smug in living a more minimalist lifestyle. Next time your mum mentions it say you don't fancy taking on mountains more debt for something you'll use once a year, and then send a TripAdvisor link to nice hotels nearby.

I think you're being a bit U, OP, in your inability to make any compromises at all on this. You clearly want the house, fine and don't feel that warmly towards your parents (also fine) but to keep relationships smooth I'd buy a sofa be, even if you have recently bought a new sofa, it's a lot cheaper than an extra 40k and will send out the right message to everyone concerned.

Fuck that, you buy the house you want, having space for visitors is not a bloody requirement!

I'd get the house that suits you! As they rarely visit why should you have a guest bedroom? They can get a hotel or you could provide an air bed in the lounge for them (you can get really comfortable double air beds with a built in pump).

I'm with your DH about guests sleeping in my bed. We've done it a few times but I hated it, felt like an invasion of personal space. Beds and bedrooms are private. I don't like the thought of other people's sweat seeping into my mattress! And so inconvenient to move all your clothes/toiletries/personal stuff.

I rue the day we bought our house, we have a 'spare room ' downstairs with ensuite shower room/loo. I thought great we could use it as a gym /office/utility room/whatever and the bathroom just used as a downstairs loo and shower for hubby who does 'dirty' jobs sometimes as a builder instead of traipsing upstairs in his mucky state.
Instead we are first choice for every friend/ family members visiting the area or anyone s relationship broken down/been evicted even just having a night out in the area till l put my foot down on that one yes looking at you Stepson

We don’t have a spare room and I wouldn’t give up our bed for guests. We ended up putting a small sofa bed in our kitchen, which has worked quite well and when we change the sofas, will upgrade to a better one in the living room.

I wouldn’t add 40-50k to my mortgage for a room that would be used 10 times a year

I love having a spare room.

Love friends coming to stay. Like my parents being able to stay. Like having a room for the cat sitter that isn’t my room. Like being able to sleep in a separate room to DP when needed if I’ve not been sleeping well, ill, late night out or something.

Mine doubles as my home office so it’s not wasted space.

However - if I didn’t have doom for bed and desk I’d go for a desk. And put a good quality sofa bed in the sitting room.